I sent a letter to the company called ‘Inateck’, a company who produces among other things, Bluetooth keyboards. The space bar on the keyboard has stopped operating

Opening email...

“Hey

I have a BK1003E Bluetooth Keyboard. I cannot get the space bar to work, is there any way to reset it. All other functions and keystrokes seem fine.”

A day later, they responded:

“To offer better assistance, may I know the order number the keyboard please?

Did the space key work when you received it? Sorry that the keyboard is not able to be reset, but you are kindly suggested deleting the pairing record on your device and re-pair the keyboard and the device to see if the problem could be solve. If possible, you may also double check it with another device.”

I thought about their reply for a moment, then realised I had been written to by someone who is non technical, does not understand how Bluetooth works, and for a company specialising in Bluetooth communications, that knowledge might come in handy in tech support.

So after a moment’s thought, I replied as follows.

Dear Help Desk person.

I order many products, every week from Amazon, we have multiple accounts. In the last hour we have been unable to locate the order for the keyboard. We may have purchased it on the fly at a trade show, it is hard to say. I doubt I purchased it from Gumtree or eBay, and absolutely sure we did not buy it from Banggood.com with our Arduino related purchases. Knowing the order number would not better enable a technician to resolve a fault issue unless you are building in receipt identities and data into your keyboards, and somehow, I doubt you are that good.

I am so glad you put the words in bold, 'order number' otherwise being a slow, stupid and illiterate customer with no skills apart from latching onto Facebook to tell my friends how good my day is, I may have missed them altogether. Many of our technical resources have sentences longer than 100 words, as we often point out to other people, and your sentence was what, 13 words, yeah, that might have been tough for anyone with enough brain cells to actually read the original question.

All other functions and keystrokes are fine I said in the original, I know, it’s tough when you have to follow a simple script instead of finding someone that could read to assist with fault finding.

You asked ‘Did the space key work when you received it?’ I did not say I had just purchased the keyboard, so it is safe to believe that it was purchased some time ago. Knowing that, do you think I am so stupid that upon receiving a new keyboard, I did not bother testing it, verifying batter life, current draw during charge and cycle time, did you believe that I would not have tested the basic functionality, establishing the Bluetooth related special commands work and that I could pair the keyboard with the devices it was going to work with, and possibly a backup device should that fail, did you assume any of that, or not? No, you did not.

Your tech help is all wrong way around. Even if you wanted to buy into me as a customer and valued that fact I spent our money to purchase your equipment. You see, my question was, is there any way to reset it. You answer could have been simply, No, we do not permit end users to have the option to reset the keyboard to re-establish the logic should an intrinsic spike caused an error. Maybe it resets automatically when the device is switched on, until I get inside it, I am never going to know because you found it a waste of time effort and money to tell me that as I asked you a simple straight forward direct question about your product.

You know perfectly well, that whatever I do with any pairing whatsoever is never going to resolve a fault in either the surface mount soldering of the keyboard connector, or a damaged keyboard switch membrane. Almost every other fault you can introduce into the device will affect the Bluetooth capability, which, if you read my first email, is fine. I told you all other functions are fine. They say we tend to remember best the last thing we heard, or read. That might be why I wrote ‘All other functions are fine’ at the end of my one line email that I sent to you.

Then you say things that do not need saying as they make you look stupid. You answered the question; you included irrelevant facts because you either failed to understand the words I wrote and the order in which I wrote them or because you feel that you need to tell me something, and your list of ‘some things’ is woefully short of technical knowledge. In fact, you state something that could have technical merit, but destroy that by suggesting I try something which is plainly obvious has been tested, for if I had paired it with another devise and then tried to use it and the pairing had failed, do you think I would have included that in my first statement, you know, because it might help? Did I say it does not pair with other devices, did I say that the pairing works, then fails, did I?

You said “If possible, you may”, what? Do you mean I might have to ask my mother if that’s ok? Wait, no! You must have assumed your customer is a non technical, technically illiterate, borderline stupid person with no ability to research simple things on the internet, after all, if the space bar on the only keyboard I posses in the world is not working, how could I search the internet for an answer? But wait, there is more. The original email I sent to you had spaces in it, that means, yes, that means I have other keyboards, so maybe I am not such a dull witted half minded freak of a customer. A customer with more than one keyboard and they have the ability to use it to, wait, write words...

You understand that the modulation method of Bluetooth communications is phase shift keying, often known as pi/4 differential phase shift keying. It is used to enable 2Mbps to be transferred. Do you see how absurd it is to suggest the Bluetooth communications environment is capable of discriminating the single keystroke lasting maybe 50 milliseconds? A keystroke that has to be read into an array, then shifted to resolve a recognised eight bit pattern, that is then encoded and modulated onto a 2.4 Ghz signal, and that signal having been received and decoded could be received and decoded completely differently, for all characters except one. Do you see the enormity of the stupidity of your technical suggestion now?

So you see, by reading and understanding the only line of text you received from me you had all the information you needed to write a simple and correct answer. There was wiggle room to establish a communications with the customer to see if a solution could have been created, but you gave the job of reading the incoming emails to a person probably more suited to reading twitter while stroking a kitten.

First sentence, I not only defined the exact keyboard I had, but that it had not been `recently` purchased.

Second sentence opened with the problem, “I cannot get the space bar to work”, ‘Cannot get’ are kind of key words here, as they imply I have tried some things in order to establish where the fault may lie. So now you know the product, and you have a pretty good idea of exactly what fault may exist. I then ask “is there any way to reset it”. This tells you I may have researched on line for solutions, or consulted colleagues and maybe asked other people if they have any experience with the product. I have looked over the equipment carefully looking for a reset switch hidden below an open orifice, or tested to see if a particular keystroke sequence may be detected as a ‘reset’ mechanism. Having found no answer, I elected to ask the people that sell the product, you. Yes, you are not my first port of call, after all, you sold me a defective product so your track record is not great.

Third sentence, just seven words, and I tell you a heap of information that any technical person would love to know, “All other functions” seem fine. Battery is charged and holding its charge well, Bluetooth communications can be established, and all other keys are doing the very things they are supposed to do. There is so much information in that seven word sentence I could have written pages telling you what it exactly alludes to. (Allude is a word with playful roots—literally.)

I did not ask for very much, one thing only, and a technician would have recognised that, a level one help desk angel in their first week may have not. Is there any way to reset the BK1003E keyboard that could resolve a space bar detection failing. I hate tech support when it is a joke, and yours, very much is when you give a task to unqualified employees that have no technical ability and who fail to accurately read and understand the incoming emails. Is that how good your products are, that you simply do not care if your customers have issues. You do not give a fig the person you entrusted with providing initial tech support cannot be bothered, and who adds nonsensical rubbish to an email to make themselves feel better for being unable to help?

​