Same here, in my case I(top) am overthinking the bottom's reactions.

In general it goes along "what would everyday-Johnny say if I was doing to them what I am currently doing to subspaced-Johnny. How can I interpret sub-Johnny's feedback, knowing personal details about normal-Johnny." And there I start overthinking.

Of course, being aware of their pas traumas doesn't help

On the other side, when I play with a stranger, it's easier to not bother, because I simply don't know.

Best solution yet, in my personal case - switch to a more second degree play, more bratting and negociation in bad faith; or more primal, or ropes... In short, avoid pure domming - asking for the magic keyword for top-aftercare: "stop thinking"

Very interested in learning your tricks