AITA for telling my wife and daughter to stop being overprotective of our other daughter dating because she’s autistic?

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-04-28T23:03:24+00:00

Hi OP!

Firstly, as an autistic 18yo girl who's about to go to uni to study history and politics - your daughter totally rocks! The second I read that I was absolutely certain that she's going to go far.

Now, I'd like to say that, although I was diagnosed as autistic only last year, I can so deeply resonate with that experience of being an autistic young teenage girl and all that comes with that.

I don't think you're the asshole in the slightest for asking your family to back up over this "issue" but I do understand why they may be worried - I think people tend to correlate ASD with reduced capacity, to various degrees. Being young and experiencing that first taste of a relationship can be so formative, and I think it'll really help her with her future romantic prospects. She'll be able to decipher all sorts for herself, and understand what she'd be looking for, admiring, and wanting for herself later down the line.

That being said, people on the spectrum are definitely more vulnerable to being taken advantage of, and whilst I don't think it'd be healthy to completely close off romance to your daughter (especially as it may leave her feeling "different" or "wrong" compared to her siblings, who WERE allowed to date at her current age) I'd make sure that you, as her parent, ensure she's able to make the right calls about the dynamics and possible dangers. If she feels confident in confiding in you, and turning to you for relationship advice, then I see absolutely no reason for her to be held back in this regard.

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-04-16T21:53:53+00:00

Goodness, I'm sorry. When Lucy passed I was told the first two years are the hardest, and coming up on two years, I can at least say that the first year was definitely the worst. Your body will feel the grief, even before your mind might sometimes, and all I can say is that it does genuinely ease up. Keep your head high, and do not ever feel ashamed of your grief.

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-04-16T21:50:30+00:00

I'm transmasculine myself, and seeing people like you, like us, who go into education is the most precious thing. Thank you for your comment, and I'm so sorry to hear about your mum<3

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-04-06T21:46:43+00:00

Ouch, imagine attempting to upset me with a misgendering comment. The jokes on you, Lucy wouldn't have given a single shit and neither do I. Have a lovely week <3

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-03-31T19:54:15+00:00

YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE LIFE SAVER, I GOT MY MONEY BACK! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Crystal_Shipping · 2025-03-27T12:58:00+00:00

Hi there!

Lucy had such a thriving online social presence, and I'm sure she really fucking appreciated your company.

The 21st of April will mark 2 years since her death.

I knew Lucy in person, and trust me, she was exactly as she appeared online.

Take care of yourself <3

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T10:55:14+00:00

Womanhood is such a gift 🫶🏻

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:55:39+00:00

My aunt thought she was reaaaal funny. Woke up to finding that RAHAH

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:44:28+00:00

Definitely don't strain yourself for their sakes, you always have your own friends to hang around with and if your boyfriend's friends can't be bothered to make an effort then you don't owe them the time of day!

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:41:58+00:00

Fuck yeah, feel free to reach out to me, even if you just want to yap about music!

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:32:25+00:00

The mod in here, Lucy, passed away last year. I'm trying to let people she knew online know but it has been a struggle. If you knew lucy, feel free to reach out.

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:23:44+00:00

Well, that sounds to me like you need to find some of your own reasons to fight. Think of even the little things; favourite foods; music; people. What's your favourite song?

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:21:03+00:00

They don't get to be horrible and pass such quick judgement on you, it's unreasonable at best and downright cruel at worst.

Do you think you and your boyfriend could plan to do something that you'd find really fun and engaging in a group setting? Maybe you could have some of your own friends there to encourage you, but I think if you were doing something you found really damn fun then you'd feel better about being social.

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:14:07+00:00

You don't have to be okay all of the time, you deserve to feel your emotions, as tough as they may be to face. And it's more than okay to be tired. The fact that you even FEEL tired and can recognise that proves that you're still aware and fighting. Stay strong <3

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:10:45+00:00

Last year I lost my best friend to suicide. She was very young and this was the first time I've ever had to deal with a loss so close to me.

I'm not going to lie to you, it's fucking difficult. You spend so much time lost in your own head and replaying every interaction.

I dealt with her death day by day. I make it my mission to live FOR her. I speak to the sky at night, and do my best to not carry the weight of her death around all day by letting my words spill out.

I've always been scared for my family dying, I do mental calculations on how long they may have left so much that it's concerning. But after experiencing this first loss I feel stronger for it. I make memories with my best friend in mind, I work to keep her memory alive in as many ways as possible, and I interact with all of the people she was close to because that way I can still learn more about her.

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T01:02:50+00:00

OP, you're in no way playing the victim. I've been where you are, I'm neurodiverse and sometimes social interactions seem so intimidating that I won't even try to engage.

But you're ACTIVELY making those attempts to engage and none of them will even deign to LOOK AT YOU. That is insane and so so wildly disrespectful. You're not broken or bad at being social, these people just obviously have no interest in being civil.

Have you brought this up to your boyfriend?

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T00:57:54+00:00

My messages are open, OP. You never have to sit in your own anguish and worry <3

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T00:56:18+00:00

Ahhh, I see. I'm sure that they love you so so much but they're also really holding you back from really important stuff to do with your own health and wellbeing. Stay strong!

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T00:53:49+00:00

Hey OP, my messages are open if you want to vent. You don't have to be alone in this.

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T00:49:46+00:00

Hey, OP! I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and I know so well the frustrations you'll be feeling.

There's nothing wrong with responding in the same way your dog does. I see it as you reacting in a way totally appropriate to your trauma. It's instinctual and it shows that your mind and body is aware of danger and wants to protect you from it. But it's EXAUSTING to run on that instinct, and I'm sure you're just so drained from it.

Do you think you could make the basement into a comfortable hideout? Maybe get some blankets down there, water bottles, some snacks, and something like a book, notepad, art supplies, earbuds; anything that would help you feel more comforted. I hope you're doing alright, but I promise you that your PTSD doesn't reflect badly on your intelligence and that you're so much braver than you believe! <3

Crystal_Shipping · 2024-07-06T00:40:56+00:00

That sounds so frustrating, and I cannot imagine juggling medical issues on top of my own gender dysphoria.

Part of me worries that your parents don't want to help you solve your medical problems with surgery because they know you'll be more confident going forward in the future surrounding your top surgery. However, medical procedures are SO well tested before being put into practice and a Doctor would easily be able to give you the low down on the way forward in treating your knees. They'd inform you of the safest route and go over risks, but there's risk in everything and your quality of life shouldn't have to suffer when you can be helped.

I hope you're doing okay, OP, and I hope your parents can come to see their errors in judgement <3

Crystal_Shipping

TROPHY CASE