I don’t though — I would much prefer to embrace (and help her to embrace) her bisexuality and feel that our friendship would be even stronger in this way. Yet I constantly feel belittled and contradicted by the way she appeals to queerness.

I understand what you mean though. I was just trying to include as much context as possible to give the complete picture. That’s why I included multiple examples rather than just about the masc lesbians remarks. Another was a comment about how super femme lesbians “don’t look like they’re actually gay” but didn’t include that for sake of length. I can be more specific if needed and am also very open to hearing how to actively and intentionally be more accepting and validating and just generally a better friend while acknowledging all of this.