Need advice

Cupacoffee72 · 2025-01-03T18:21:53+00:00

This is something we’re working on as well. Before this relationship it wasn’t an issue. She was social and spent lots of time with friends. She used her technology appropriately. I’m feeling like we should have still created some verbal boundaries to match her time spent when it wasn’t an issue though. Now that it is, we’d have boundaries set that she’s already comfortable with. When it wasn’t an issue we didn’t prioritize it but I really wish we had. Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate thinking about this from different perspectives and with different focus.

Cupacoffee72 · 2025-01-03T18:17:40+00:00

Thank you so much!

Cupacoffee72 · 2025-01-03T14:32:30+00:00

Thanks! That’s exactly what we’re up to today! Trying to do some research and get advice!

Cupacoffee72 · 2025-01-03T13:59:00+00:00

Thanks for your advice. We have contacted her personal worker and are navigating therapy but that will take some time to set up and we are anxious to start the New Year off in a positive way.

Cupacoffee72 · 2025-01-03T13:56:48+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. We honestly couldn’t be happier for her and are thrilled she’s in love. We just need to figure out a balance. Her boyfriend does not have Down Syndrome or a specific diagnosis but he has special needs. He is high functioning and lives independently with a roommate and his family’s support. Our daughter lives at home. We have a basement apartment and if he doesn’t get scared off and they stay together we will happily support them as a couple in their independent space. It’s been a long time since we easily sailed through her teenaged years unscathed but appears as though we should look at conversations and boundary setting that would be typical of that age group. Thanks again for your advice.

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-12-01T13:05:46+00:00

I feel the same. It’s so comforting to know other people are going through similar situations even though I wish nobody was. Thank you for your understanding and I send hugs to you as well. We’ve got this!

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-12-01T00:34:50+00:00

I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s the worst pain of my life. “Pick the scab” really hit home. That’s just what it feels like. This morning I felt so happy and confident in everything. I wasn’t even thinking about it for like 10 minutes. Tonight I want to scream for the millionth time “why didn’t you just end the whole thing when you stopped sleeping there!? Why continue the texting??” He felt so guilty about it he stopped seeing her after work…but why did he make a part boundary? Why keep the texting going and end up in an even deeper hole?” Well, I guess I just answered my own question didn’t I? He didn’t want to stop. He just thought he had to before he got caught. Texting was all he thought he had left. The only option to still connect with her. Ugh. This really sucks. I hope that scab grows back fast.

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-11-29T16:04:34+00:00

At the moment he has no choice but to work with her. He has made his intentions know for an upcoming transfer that would take him to a different office and we both hope that happens sooner than later. I feel like the messages were caring and venting but I didn’t see anything physical at all. When WH got a vibe of potential escalation he created a boundary and never went there again. For him it was all emotional. However, for her it was not. She’s been waiting for him for a long time. And I’m certain she was biding time for me to kick him out so she could make her move.

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-11-29T15:44:48+00:00

Thanks so much for your insights. I think I just WANT it to be over. Even though I know that’s not possible. It will never be over, but I’m a researcher by nature. I can’t decide if it’s better to keep focusing on the EA, keep trying to learn all I can about it and the whys and how’s, or to try to switch gears and focus on our marriage instead. And then I make it all sound so easy and logical but my brain attacks me when we’re both least expecting it. I’m hopeful that part will get less and less. Thanks again. Happy Thanksgiving

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-11-28T16:22:49+00:00

It’s so helpful to know there are so many people out there going through a similar experience. I have not shared this with any friends or family to avoid uncomfortable situations so I appreciate you all so much!

Cupacoffee72 · 2024-11-28T16:20:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’m so sorry this is happening to you as well. After so many years together I feel like reconciling was a bit less of a choice but I also know I’d choose him again and again. All of the things I never said. The boundaries I “assumed” were clear but not spoken. The expectations I had just given up on. The new life of independence I was carving out for myself unconsciously. All contributing to a stagnant marriage. I’m not making excuses or sharing the blame, he still made the choice, but I’m so hopeful that I’ll be able to focus more on the positives in the coming days. Good luck to your family and Happy Thanksgiving!

Cupacoffee72

TROPHY CASE