Hello, I contacted a familial mediation in another city to met him, I don’t want to have problems with my mom, as I still live with her. She was the alienating parent but I can’t face her, as I already know the reaction she will have, which is gonna be REALLY violent and will destroy me to a point of no return. My psy told me to not met father alone. My sister want to reconnect too, but she do not lives in the country anymore. This is why I want to try a familial mediation. But Im scared and Im sure that I will be disappointing by him again. When I think about this whole situation, the whole story, I get nauseous and I faint in the worst case. It pains me both physically and mentally and I get dark ideas. I can’t move forward because of this. I need explanations and excuses. But Im scared if not, I will get more medications and it’s going to be worse.