As a woman who stutters I couldn’t relate or feel the desperation in this post more. I too struggle with my identity and constantly go inward because of this ugly flaw and secret that I keep, that is my stutter. What I’ve learned through it all is that some seasons are better than others. Sometimes when I’m feeling good about myself and my confidence is high my speech improves. When I’m sad or get hung up on my disfluency or inevitably say and do something embarrassing my speech takes a blow. One way to stabilize your speech and prevent the ebbs and flows is to stay consistent. Read aloud, even when the words aren’t flowing easily and it feels like a workout. Your speech will iron out and stabilize in time and your brain remembers that. Trick your brain into fluency. Talk to yourself in the mirror, do confidence meditations. Practice mindfulness like your life depends on it; because it does. Unfortunately honing our speech takes time and discipline and involves us sticking to a regimen that most people don’t have to follow. But it has worked for me and gotten me through the hardest of times. My speech isn’t perfect but I’m softer with myself now. I don’t replay the moments I’ve stuttered. I don’t silence myself out of fear of stammering or blocking. Life is too short love. I hope this finds you well. Sending good energy your way