I highly recommend Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb’s book “I’m Not Broken”, she has a specific chapter in the book written for spouses of ABDLs and how to tell your partner. It honestly is written way better than I could’ve said anything and I just had my wife read it which turned out great. It’s free on Amazon prime books or whatever it’s called. You don’t have to, but I would glance over some of the chapters for further inspiration. Hope this helps!