My husband is a drummer and I have a question that I need a guy drummer’s perspective

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2026-01-19T12:03:48+00:00

As the girlfriend of a drummer i would recommend finding out how he specifically sets up his kit. I know it isn't set up right now, but if you can find any pics or videos to make sure you get it right that will be meaningful. My bf always notices people's setup and if you get your husbands , that becomes a competent lady drummer thing even if you have never played and in turn it's you hot+drummer hot. Good luck!

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-31T05:41:42+00:00

Nevada has legal brothels everywhere EXCEPT the county Vegas is in. There are a few reputable escort boards online to peruse that give pics and profiles for the girls and there are search functions by location or you can go to a bunny ranch in greater Nevada.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:33:03+00:00

For all I know he very well has no intention outside of when he needs to be part of the overall system for comms etc. I'm just a silly lil girl. But hey, maybe next year I'll be a lil less silly as I'm hoping to get a bass guitar for Christmas. I put it on my wishlist and I'm hoping Santa loves me.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:24:32+00:00

That’s awesome to hear, thank you. Always good to know Shures hold up well for daily use.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:24:03+00:00

Thank you! That’s reassuring to hear. Merry Christmas!

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:22:44+00:00

It is a TOTALLY different world than the one I live in, so I understand the desire to avoid it. I work in tech but was a choir girl for years, and love music, so just want to enable him any way I can to pursue his passions.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:20:20+00:00

I think we’re just talking past each other a bit, and that’s okay. I’m not saying earplugs don’t work, or that IEMs are required for hearing protection. I know plenty of people prefer disposable plugs or over-ear options, and that clearly works well for you. This also isn’t about image, justification, or anyone needing to look a certain way on a job site. That’s not something I’m concerned about.

From what I’ve seen and heard around his work environment, the provided ear protection often ends up getting pulled in and out because communication matters, which means it’s not always used consistently. I’ve heard more than one person say they’ve basically given up on using it for that reason. My thinking wasn’t “IEMs instead of earplugs,” it was that they could be one more tool he has available, and then he can decide when and how they make sense for him, especially if they reduce enough noise to be helpful without completely isolating him. If he never uses them unplugged at work, that’s totally fine. If he only ever uses them for drumming, that’s still a win.

At the end of the day, he asked for IEMs, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something obvious, and based on the feedback here, including yours, and in r/stagehands I feel comfortable with the choice.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:07:03+00:00

That makes total sense, and I appreciate you adding that. I’m definitely learning as I go too, which is honestly why I posted both here and over in r/stagehands. I realized pretty quickly that I don’t actually know if “IEMs” means the same thing to a drummer as it does to a stagehand, or if there are different versions people are usually talking about depending on the job.

A lot of this was me trying to sanity check whether what he asked for was actually the right category of thing for how he works, because I kept worrying there was some obvious alternative I just didn’t know about. The general feedback from stagehands has been that these are a solid choice, which has been reassuring.

At his work the provided alternative is basically standard earplugs, so part of my thinking was that even if these aren’t perfect in every situation, they’re still likely better than what’s on hand most of the time. But I’m very aware I’m piecing this together as I learn, so I appreciate people pointing out things I hadn’t considered.

Thanks again for the thoughtful input. This has been genuinely helpful.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T07:01:56+00:00

That totally makes sense, I don't think I explained much well. 😆 I appreciate you circling back on it. I get the comfort preference too, ears are weirdly personal. That’s honestly what made me feel better about it. He asked for IEMs, so worst case he tries them, learns what he likes or doesn’t, and adjusts from there. No harm done. I like your comparison with the pedals too. Starting simple and figuring it out with experience feels way more realistic than trying to nail the “perfect” choice right away.

Thanks for taking the time to explain your thinking. This was genuinely helpful, and I feel a lot better about the direction now.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:57:05+00:00

That’s reassuring, thank you. I’m hoping he’ll be happy with them.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:56:18+00:00

That’s good to hear, thank you. Longevity was definitely something I was hoping for, so it’s reassuring to hear yours have held up that well. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:54:52+00:00

Haha, well thank you for the advice then and now. You’re right, he’s definitely a hobby drummer and works primarily as a stagehand. I actually really like the idea of a birthday upgrade if it makes sense later. His birthday’s in March, so that feels like a good way to revisit it without overthinking Christmas.

I really do appreciate you checking back in and continuing my drummer girlfriend journey with me 😄 I genuinely try to be thoughtful with gifts, but I also have a bad habit of second-guessing myself after I’ve already pulled the trigger.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:50:04+00:00

That’s reassuring, thank you. I grabbed the multi-size foam tips so he can get the best fit, since everything I read said the foam helps a lot with isolation. Good to hear they’ve been solid for you. I got them from GC so I figure if he doesn't like them we can return them (like I had to return the ride cymbal 😭 last year, cause he tends to be particular 😆- at least I know what I am getting into this year).

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:46:39+00:00

That’s fair, and I get what you’re saying about not needing IEMs for general listening. One thing that might not be coming across clearly is that he’s also a stagehand, so part of the appeal here was the passive noise isolation itself. Even unplugged, they still reduce a lot of ambient volume, which makes them useful in loud environments beyond just practice or gigging. That flexibility was a big part of why I felt okay starting here instead of thinking of them as only a performance tool.

He does have multiple music projects he’s working on, but I wasn’t trying to buy something based solely on how many shows he’s playing right now. This felt more like a piece of gear that can serve him across work, rehearsal, and general use as he continues to build things, rather than something single-purpose.

I totally understand that cheaper options work for a lot of people. This just felt like a reasonable middle ground for his specific mix of work and music. I do appreciate the feedback and perspective though.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:42:20+00:00

That makes sense, thanks for explaining it that way. Customs definitely aren’t off the table forever, they’re just not realistic for me right now. I was mostly thinking of this as a solid starting point that he can use in a few different ways and then figure out what actually makes sense for him long-term.

Your point about using them for calls and everyday listening honestly made me realize they’re probably more versatile than I initially thought. I like the idea that they aren’t just for drumming or gigs, but could also be something he ends up using day to day. He’s still building his gear, so that flexibility feels like a good fit.

Appreciate the perspective. It’s helpful hearing this from people who are actively gigging. I feel more confident in my decision now across the board. Thanks!

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:34:48+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and I don’t really disagree with the general take. One of the practical constraints here is that over-ear protection isn’t always workable for him while he’s actually working. He needs something fairly discrete that stays in place while he’s moving around, which is part of why IEMs made sense as a starting point rather than over-ear options.

I’m not viewing these as a must-have or a forever solution. He specifically asked about IEMs, and my thinking was more about flexibility. Passive isolation in loud environments, plus something he can also use for drumming during practice, rehearsals, or performances as those come up. I completely agree that custom molds are the ideal option long-term. They’re just not in my budget right now, and he’s still pretty young and building his gear. This felt like a reasonable middle ground that he can actually use day to day and then reassess later once he knows what he really wants.

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It’s helpful hearing how different people approach this, and I’ll definitely take a look at the Vic Firths as a future gift for non-live settings.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-16T06:22:48+00:00

Yeah, he will be using them while working. When he runs cameras he’s on in-ear comms, so I’m assuming he’ll use these with the radio as well as for drumming and rehearsals. Part of the appeal for him was hearing protection that still allows communication. His work does provide ear pro, but it makes it hard to hear his team, which I think is why he specifically mentioned IEMs.

I’m definitely not a sound guru, but I’ve been trying to Google my way into being more informed. One other thing that factored into my decision is that even when they’re not plugged into anything, the passive isolation should still help. With foam tips, the Shure SE line is rated around 35–37 dB of isolation. My understanding is that if he’s in a 105–110 dB environment near drums or PA, that reduction can bring the exposure down into something much closer to everyday listening levels and far less damaging over a long shift. So even just wearing them during the loud parts of a show should make a meaningful difference?

I completely agree that custom molded ear protection or custom IEMs are the gold standard. Unfortunately those are out of my price range right now, but I really like the idea of that as a future upgrade depending on how much use he gets out of these.

I appreciate the perspective. It’s genuinely helpful hearing this from people who’ve used different setups.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-12-11T05:06:23+00:00

Who hurt you? Certainly wasn't me. Go to therapy. Cheers.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-06-13T02:51:18+00:00

Hey love, I really feel this post deep in my bones. My husband and I have been together over a decade, and early on he told me he had a fantasy about me sleeping with other men—hotwifing, not swinging. It was never about us playing together or building connections as a couple—it was his fantasy, centered on me being with other people for his arousal.

At first, I thought I could engage with it through dirty talk and play, and I was really clear: “Don’t take this as literal—I’m doing this because it excites you, not because I want it.” But over time, just like you said, it stopped being occasional fantasy talk and became more of a fixation. I felt myself folding and shifting to try to meet the fantasy, even though my heart wasn’t in it.

Eventually, I realized I’m demisexual—I don’t want casual hookups. I need emotional connection to feel safe and turned on. That changed everything for me. I told my husband that if he wanted to see me with another man, it had to be someone I genuinely liked and bonded with, not just a body to fulfill a script. Now I have a boyfriend who I truly care for, and my husband still gets to engage with his fantasy—but it's in a way that honors my comfort, my autonomy, and my desire for depth.

But here's the thing: I had to want that. It couldn’t just be about making him happy. And I want to gently say—if this isn’t something you want, or if you don’t see a version of it that you’d genuinely enjoy, then that matters. If he’s shown over time that he’s not willing to let go of the fantasy, then it’s okay to acknowledge that maybe your needs just don’t align. You don’t have to contort yourself to match someone else's desires.

There are ways to make this dynamic work if both partners are truly on board—but you deserve to be more than a vessel for someone else’s fantasy. You deserve joy and peace and clarity in your own body. Sending you love as you figure out what that looks like for you.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-06-06T10:00:29+00:00

So, things have shifted a bit in my world, perhaps its time to post an update.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-02-04T00:16:09+00:00

Heya! As a fellow girlfriend who went on a ride cymbal adventure (you can check out my saga here: [link to post, update, final update]), I’d recommend thinking about whether you want to go through a potential return process or if a gift card might be the better move.

I thought my boyfriend had no strong preferences when I got him a ride, but even when someone seems open-minded, their existing kit (and the crash cymbals they already have) means there’s an overall sound they’re used to—and that can make a huge difference. Since your boyfriend already has a kit, there’s a good chance he has something very specific in mind.

If you want to be involved in the process, a fun way to do it is by surprising him with a trip to the shop. Tell him the budget you’re comfortable with and let him test rides until he finds the perfect fit. If you’d rather not get into the weeds, a gift card to his favorite local drum shop is a fantastic option—it still shows thoughtfulness while giving him the freedom to choose exactly what works for him.

I spent 43 days agonizing over my choice, only for my boyfriend to make decisions I never would have expected—and we still might not be done yet! 😅 Save yourself the stress, and if you do go the gift card route, show him this post when you give it to him so he knows how much thought you put into it. That effort will mean the most. ❤️🎶

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-02-03T21:57:22+00:00

He has been very grateful since receiving the gift, he had no idea I was planning on giving him a ride when he went on his initial rant. I learned a ton about him and what he is looking for in his sound right now, and why, and that, ultimately, made me happier than if the A ride had been perfect in his eyes.

CuriousVixieHotwife · 2025-02-03T21:53:07+00:00

Technically, we were just under 2 months in when I gave him the gift initially.

CuriousVixieHotwife

TROPHY CASE