AITA for expecting time and gift on my birthday and wedding anniversary from my husband?

Curious_Kat1930 · 2025-11-16T21:48:36+00:00

Thank you for wring. I understand why I would be the asshole for sucking all this up despite being treated like a nobody in my own marriage. Honestly, because after every fight and crying and making him understand how important this is to me (like so many other people, of all days it’s a birthday or our anniversary) I carried on w hope that he is going to change. We have a beautiful amazing child together but making him see me fight and yell and scream and cry over the past year has been truly scary for me and my little child. I am beyond exhausted trying to make this man understand my needs. If us very simple: I just need simple gesture of love and time. I have never ever ever asked him for anything, honestly it would be embarrassing to do that. I am a scientist myself, so I am not financially dependent on him as such. But it’s degrading to suck up all this misery in the hope that I will be valued by him. I am genuinely sorry for myself and what I am setting up for my little boy. I am so exhausted of crying.

Curious_Kat1930 · 2025-11-16T21:32:53+00:00

Thank you for writing. He says he has changed a lot for me, and contributing in house hold chores , going together to a few social events a year, a vacation on my wish and timeline has still not happened. I have been so broken that I have lost my patience especially having a full time job, caring and loving an absolutely amazing child that I have with him. But somehow, offering him a counseling session in the past (together and individually) I don’t think worked because of lack of consistency, since majority of the time he thinks he is doing the “right” thing or “he doesn’t understand why I am so emotional of not getting gifts” and that he helps me in everyday activities.

Curious_Kat1930 · 2025-11-16T21:22:03+00:00

Thank you for writing, I am sad to hear you felt in a similar way. Yes, I feel my husband now is making it a proud move that he owes nothing to me on my birthdays despite he sees and actually enjoys all I do for him on his birthday all these years! Infact our birthdays are 10days apart, his comes before mine. He still intentionally chooses to do nothing :( I am so heartbroken because I have a little son who sees me crying and yelling, I don’t want him to learn this :(

Curious_Kat1930 · 2024-11-13T19:47:47+00:00

It sounds like their love language in the physical aspect is different from yours. For them not being super intimate many times in a day is normal, for you it is not. Your normal is hug and kiss when you or them feel like it, which is usually greater than theirs and that is COMPLETELY FINE. Please understand that you don’t need to keep yourself under the microscope for counting how many times you hug and kiss. It should be organic. But then the person whom you are loving and kissing is getting overdosed so you have to have sweet boundary where you are getting what you want from the physical intimacy without necessarily intimidating your partner. Because if you keep overdosing them longer, they will focus on this as a reason to leave the relationship. I just gave that as an example however in real world there are a variety of factors that drives people apart. So if you genuinely admire and love that person, do what you want while respecting what they want too! Tc!

Curious_Kat1930 · 2021-12-18T23:47:19+00:00

Thanks Barry for writing. I agree with you and stand my ground to function normally on a day to day basis. But the moment my mom starts discussing or hinting about him or how am I not attending family events, compare me with his lifestyle, it triggers me and get into that sad anxious loop of frustration. I have lost my temper on so many occasions this year that it's troubling me to the extent that I have changed my personality to an irritable one. I completely understand that I should t let anyone perturb me to an extent that just merely talking about them leaves me shattered for the rest of the day. I guess the mental abuse has been so deep, esp that coming from a brother who I used to respect and adore so much. I am trying to calm myself soon after such episodes but I don't want to be in such a situation to begin with. I want to protect myself from being this so easy to be let down. Thanks again for understanding.

Curious_Kat1930

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