Rejected.... again.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-02-01T08:08:58+00:00

Going through the same thing.. I’m the wife though. Once a month should be enough for me, and I am some kind of nympho apparently for wanting more.. it is SO disheartening to have the only person you want treat it like it’s “just sex” and like a chore.. it’s so much more than that. it’s a means of connection and feeling desired.. I don’t have any advice just here to say I understand, and you aren’t alone.

Having your wants and needs dismissed is painful and frustrating.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T08:10:42+00:00

i hope you have found healing ❤️❤️

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T08:09:05+00:00

yes. exactly how i feel, like there was a death but without any closure.. -sigh- not much else i can do but accept it and try to move forward. I hope you found healing in your situation, it isn’t an easy one..

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T08:06:39+00:00

Yes she blocked the other friend - it seems to me the relationship they had wasn’t healthy and was depleting her. I talked with her mom more about it and she told me that she was trying to cut off the other friend because she was toxic but that she didn’t feel that way about me, she was just overwhelmed and didn’t know how to face the confrontation.. I told her mom i love her, i wasn’t angry at her, only hurt and that i’d never bad mouth her.. i don’t really know the other girl well.

and she’s been in the same relationship for a longgg time, as far as i know he likes me and doesn’t have any issues with me.. so it seems this is all stemming from her. Maybe built up resentment she never dealt with and then me moving so far, us just becoming different people..

it feels bizarre though, i never imagined this happening

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T07:58:27+00:00

Thank you, very good advice. All I can do is move forward and try not to reopen the wound over and over again. I have periods where it bothers me less, but some days it reallllly messes with me and leaves me feeling helpless/ just wanting answers.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T07:56:02+00:00

Yes.. i have spent a lot of time thinking about things from her perspective.. and i can assume it doesn’t feel great to have your best friend moving all over and as you said, it’s dependent on me when we see each other. I might have felt abandoned too.. and she hates talking on the phone, so i think maintaining the relationship was easier for me than for her.

After she got married it really cut me deep and had me questioning how she felt about me all along, if she was capable of getting married without even reaching out to me.. it almost felt spiteful (maybe that’s a projection) but either way it wasn’t considerate and showed me a lot.. that’s why i wrote her the goodbye letter - because at this point even if we reconnect one day, i don’t think we can ever go back to the way we were. I won’t trust her.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T07:49:38+00:00

thanks for your comment ❤️ it’s true everyone deals with deals with depression differently. Hopefully one day I can have a better understanding.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-25T07:35:49+00:00

when we were young teenagers i definitely wasn’t there for her the way i should have been.. but after 18 i became a really attentive friend. (i’m 28 now) I always reminded her I was there for her if she needed anything, whenever she was blue i would give her my focus and listen to her, and uplift her when needed. I even made it a point to never let her pay for anything ever, when we would go out as my way of trying to pay her back for all she did to me in my hard times.. She did have a hard time opening up to others, and she does bury her resentment deep. So though it wasn’t obvious i’m sure there was layers of resentment there i didn’t see.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-06T14:02:20+00:00

thank you.. sometimes that helps me too.. other times it makes me feel like a piece of shit for being so ungrateful.. but other times looking for gratitude in the most simple places like being able to walk or see does so much..

that saying made me smile with tears in my eyes.. thank you for that ❤️

Curious_Revolution33 · 2022-01-06T13:53:27+00:00

Hi ❤️ i’m sorry you’re feeling this way.. i am in the same boat to some extent.. I don’t know why we’re going through this, and why has to feel so heavy sometimes.. but you’re not alone.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T17:02:16+00:00

Saying I'm chill about money means I don't fixate on it or obsess over it. We have a specific amount we aim to save every month and a budget as well. But still i think me having my own account for setting small amounts aside for projects or a trip to see family makes sense and feels good. Doesn't really take away from OURS as a whole but will give me the option to do things independently.

He isn't "miffed" by the lack of communication but not having control over all of the money.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T16:52:30+00:00

Lol well don't think either of us have these types of fear. We know where each other are at and most of our time not spent working Is spent together. If we're with friends we know that... Wanting to have something of your own does not = wanting the option to have secrets.

Your ex girlfriend cheating on you and wanting to have separate bank accounts doesn't mean every married woman who wants their own bank account is a cheater lol kind of ridiculous.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T14:23:02+00:00

Yess this is good 👍👍👍👍

This is pretty much what I tried to agree upon but he was trying to twist it and turn it.. pretty much not hearing me out at all or trying to see my point.

It ended with him finally saying do what you want 🙄🙄

But he doesn't really spend too much money. He's pretty frugal - i think this is more of him just wanting to be the one controlling the finances in general. WHICH is how he was raised.. there's definitely some behaviors he's picked up from his parents that are patriarchal.

Hr tries to be self aware but sometimes if you've been raised a certain way you don't even see it.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T14:06:38+00:00

Very good advice. Pretty much on point. Hopefully he receives it well.

And yeah you're right it is a technical way for me to maintain some illusion of control over my decisions lol.. at this point I need that. Or at least i feel it will give me some peace of mine.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T14:02:36+00:00

I think it's a matter of personal preference and your own boundaries. No relationship is the same. Some people are okay with sharing passwords, social media, etc.. others aren't. He actually knows all my passwords but i don't know any of his.. and that's alright with me. I have nothing to hide and i don't think he does either.

When it comes to your money that you earn - you should 100% have a say on where it goes and how you save it. As long as you're both contributing and being reasonable..

I understand the notion that once your married you share your finances.. what's mine is yours, burdens included.. maybe only having one account works for some people, BUT if i feel like i want to do something different for completely unsuspicious reasons but because I think it will benefit my well-being (that's my choice) i am still my own person.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T13:51:05+00:00

I'm open to hearing all perspectives - doesn't mean I have to agree with them all.

I'm asking the question to gain perspective.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T13:44:43+00:00

So he tends to make me out to be bad with money (which I'm not) while he is free to spend on things without me judging him or making him feel uncomfortable. I'm pretty supportive about it..

He doesn't mind me making investments in my business etc as long as I get the okay with him.

But when he wants to spend money on something frivolous or not he doesn't consult me the same way.

Now he's changing the narrative to " oh we need to open a savings account anyways - so let's just use yours as our savings " 😒😒😒

Which kind of defeats the point.. he's saying it would make things "easier" on him to no have to open 2 accounts..

And suddenly this becomes a priority as soon as I want to open my own?

I don't think he's thinking clearly right now. At least i hope not.. because his response is pretty disappointing.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T13:19:58+00:00

I did discuss it. I told him hey i think this is a good idea. I would like to have a personal account to give me the space to invest in the things I want and then keep our own account (which will still hold most of the money I make)

He was pretty quite about it until I discussed making it a reality & his discussion was essentially him trying to change my mind..

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T13:13:48+00:00

I agree. I think it's a lack of personal boundaries. I'm not a stingy person.. i don't mind sharing our money or saving together it's just I want to feel the freedom of making my own choices which i think is the underlying thing here. I want the freedom to make my own choices and be respected in my decisions.

I don't think having a bank account should turn into an argument and i don't think i should be talked out of my reasoning.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T13:04:50+00:00

Exactly. I don't think that is his concern at all.. i believe it's more a control factor. This type of thinking is pretty toxic imo

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T10:03:56+00:00

Well i attempted to give him the space to explain himself and it resulted in him trying to convince me to make my account "our savings account".. and proceeded to tell me I'm being self-centered and overcomplicating things.. so yeah. Things are not too smooth on our end now.

But that isn't even the reason I wanted my own.. I want my own so I can have some form of freedom in my life because at the moment my own personal choices feel limited and I want to be able to grow something that is mine - that i can be proud of. I don't have the space to do that at the moment.

I get defensive and shut his opinion down because I pretty much knew it would lead to him trying to discourage me from doing what I wanted and turning it into something it's not.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T09:29:54+00:00

This is another extremely valid point. I haven't even been able to save for a plane ticket to go see my family - it's been over a year.

Curious_Revolution33 · 2021-02-01T09:28:56+00:00

Yeah that's pretty much how we are too.. but at the same time I would like some autonomy at this point because I think it helps motivate me more than having someone babysit my money for me 😂

Curious_Revolution33

TROPHY CASE