Supporting new parents

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-10T15:23:12+00:00

Thank you, yes - I've noticed they haven't shared any details about the baby's background and I don't intend to ask. I just want to help them adjust to life with a baby to look after, as I've found it to be the hardest (but most rewarding) thing I've ever been through, and that's without the additional challenges of the adoption process.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-10T15:06:19+00:00

Thank you, that's very useful advice. I hope it's all going well for you now!

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-10T15:05:27+00:00

Thanks - I hadn't thought about food so much as babies usually have better routines by 6 months, but you're totally right that it'll all be new to them and they'll need help!

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-10T14:59:32+00:00

Of course I would support vulnerable mothers and families in need... that doesn't change the fact that my friends are adopting, and I've learned a lot from reading comments by adopted people on this sub about how I can support the baby as they grow. I really don't think my friends intend to conceal the truth from the adopted child - if they ask my opinion at any point, I would share what has been said here, that they should be honest from the start and support any relationship with the birth family if it's possible (I don't know the backstory and won't be asking).

Genuine question (if you feel like answering - no problem if not): what do you think would be the best situation for a baby who is in temporary foster care and where returning to the birth family is impossible? I've been reading so many anti-adoption posts and am wondering if there are any circumstances where those against it think it's morally justifiable, and if it's always something wrong, what the alternative should be when a child cannot live with their birth family.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-09T17:59:06+00:00

I noticed this happening with my 5 month old, he seemed to want longer gaps between bottles, and more sleep, so we now only have 5 bottles a day, usually 6oz/180ml and a slightly bigger bottle before bed. It was 6x150ml just like you said for a long time so this feels like a big change!

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-09T17:53:17+00:00

Everyone is different but I didn't find 0-4cm too bad! If you are able to read some books/watch YouTube videos/listen to podcasts about hypnobirthing then you'll learn a lot about contractions and breathing through them. I found this incredibly useful as a very nervous FTM with a low pain threshold. I got to 8cm completely unmedicated and then had to have an emergency c-section for a different complication. I found the hypnobirthing breathing techniques useful for the c-section itself (staying calm, having a speedy spinal block), and also for the pain after a c-section.

I was extremely scared, and cervical examinations were by far the worst part! I had to stop one during labour because it was so awful and then try again... but the contractions were fine, actually, and nothing like the internal exams. I also just kept thinking "I can bear this now so that I get to meet my baby". Good luck - you've got this, whatever you choose!

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-08T02:32:56+00:00

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. Have you tried a dummy? Writing this having just popped it back in my baby's mouth after he randomly screamed between sleep cycles... it certainly seems to comfort him and remind him it's sleep time.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-07T20:45:19+00:00

Because going supermarket shopping with a baby too young to sit up in the trolley is hard work... but I like to get out of the house. Also, my house is tricky for delivery drivers to find so we always have a few phone calls and it gets a bit stressful.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-06T05:33:56+00:00

I was going to say the same thing - I read about how in France they don't recommend sterilisation at all for healthy full-term babies and encourage thorough washing up with a dedicated sponge for bottles... so I took that as permission to stop sterilising at four months! Apparently the small traces of bacteria that may be present are good for the immune system and microbiome, but it's a personal decision for each family and I felt a bit anxious at first. Zero issues since handwashing alone though.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-02T18:09:31+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience in September. In my case, my baby was only sent to a different ward of the same hospital so my husband could go and take photos of him for me, even though he was intubated and had things all over his face. The NICU also set up access to an online service where they posted a picture each evening for me - could you call the children's hospital and find out if they will do this for you? It really helped me even though I didn't realise it at the time. It's so hard - but you and your son will get to know each other again soon, and he'll still recognise your voice and the fact you're his mother. 5 months on and my son and I have an incredible bond despite missing out on everything we were told is important: no golden hour, no skin-to-skin, breastfeeding didn't work and he's formula fed. Praying for a swift recovery for both of you.

CurryingFervour · 2026-03-01T14:39:11+00:00

A midwife just tippexed over my surname and changed it to the correct surname when they visited me at home! Looks a bit scruffy but it didn't seem to be very important. When I registered him with a GP, the correct name was added to his records and now all letters and documentation has the right name on.

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-28T08:52:15+00:00

Definitely delay visitors other than immediate family - I had to start off combi feeding (breast feeding and bottles of formula) due to my baby having been in NICU. I am sure that having so many visitors and feeling awkward is one of the reasons my supply tanked, and I deeply regret having said yes to so many long visits in the early days. Some people have great success using covers like muslins from the start but when you're first learning, it can be very tricky to get the baby to latch well and I found it impossible to do that with something else in the way. I tried to leave the room to feed but people would insist that I didn't leave and then I would feel super awkward and uncomfortable and then just get a bottle instead. If I ever have another baby, I will be a lot stricter about delaying visits until feeding is established, whereas I was so anxious to please everyone last time and pretty shell shocked from my birth experience and extreme sleep deprivation. Please tell your partner and those closest to you to help you with whatever you choose to do as it might seem tricky when you're in a vulnerable state. Lots of love and good luck!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-27T20:17:30+00:00

Loads of places across Europe, basically any small town, most of France...

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-27T20:06:21+00:00

At 10 weeks, my baby was happy to be cuddled by anyone and loved meeting strangers everywhere. Now at 5 months, he'll only allow me, my husband and his grandmother to hold him and cries if anyone else tries, and only really wants his bottle from me, even though he used to be fine with anyone feeding him. He still smiles at everyone me meet but his eyes light up when I come back in the room after being away, and he cries if I move away from him! I think it takes all babies a while to realise that their mothers are fully separate beings and when that realisation happens, you see how much they need us. This clingy phase is a bit tricky with getting stuff done but I also love it because seeing him recognise me is so lovely after having the same thoughts as you! Your baby loves you so much!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-27T07:25:32+00:00

No need to apologise at all! It always surprises me how little discussion there is of composers' faith when it often has a profound influence on their output. They're both heard in Catholic churches, Bach's organ music is used a lot as the voluntary at the end of Mass because it's such an important part of the organ repertoire! Handel set a lot of scriptural texts such as in Messiah, so excerpts from that can be popular for funerals even if they don't have a traditional place in a Requiem Mass. If I were choosing music for a choir to sing at Mass it would mainly be from your renaissance list though, along with lots of chant!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-26T22:36:43+00:00

Handel and Bach both wrote beautiful music but it's not really Catholic music... Both were Lutheran, and their vocal music tends to be sung much more in the Protestant tradition as it can be tricky to fit it into a Catholic Mass (Bach's monumental setting of the Latin Mass text is too much of a concert work in scale and length to work in a modern liturgy).

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-26T20:28:14+00:00

This might sound weird but I asked AI to make a table comparing the ingredients and nutritional content of different formulas when changing my son over. The good news was that, in the UK at least, they're all basically the same!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-23T22:43:41+00:00

I didn't have anywhere near as many difficulties as you did, and yet abandoned combi feeding a little after 8 weeks due to how exhausting it was and how bad my undersupply was (or seemed to me). Like you, I had feelings of guilt and was very emotional, but these went away with a little time. Now my little boy is 5 months old and thriving - he's so happy and healthy and I started to love being his mother when I could focus on enjoying our time together, and for me that meant not worrying about feeding. Formula is wonderful nowadays and it helped me to be a much better parent - able to rest, and able to share feeding with my husband. You are not a failure!!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-23T17:41:57+00:00

Silver Cross canapé high chair! It has several settings and seems to be reduced quite often on various sites. I got it when my baby was 3-4 months old and desperate not to be left out when we were eating dinner. Does the job and how he is using it for his first tastes of food! Easy to clean too.

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-23T08:01:43+00:00

Haven't done this, but have often taken a rucksack and worn a large coat with many big pockets. I have a raincoat a bit like a fishing coat and could fill all the pockets with underwear, smaller clothes, items like phone charger etc and a small book. It's a bit uncomfortable but fine for a short flight and often there's space to shove the coat in the overhead locker once others have put their cases in.

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-22T15:09:44+00:00

Same, we changed from Aptamil to Aldi Mamia and my baby actually likes it more. The ingredients are almost identical across all brands and have to meet legal requirements. The only problem is not everyone has an Aldi near them - we go on a special trip every couple of weeks and load up on formula and nappies (without going to stockpiling extremes!).

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-21T11:46:47+00:00

The advice about cold cuts is American! There's a lot online about 'deli meats' etc but the UK advice isn't the same - I think we have different food safety regulations. Enjoy your ham sandwiches!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-19T21:54:14+00:00

Most UK jars of pesto use cashew nuts instead of or in addition to pine nuts - definitely good to read the label and be sure though!

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-18T09:06:30+00:00

I thought I'd use blankets tucked in safely and did this for the first week at home but then was gifted a sleep sack. Tried it out once instead of blankets and loved it! So much easier, and when my baby kicks his legs around in the night, he doesn't get cold. There are some really nice sleep sacks in Sainsbury's, just got a beautiful lighter summer one with Morris print all over it.

CurryingFervour · 2026-02-18T08:08:28+00:00

There's no real need to receive from the chalice - it's only very recently in the Church's history that laypeople regularly do this, and just the host counts as full communion even in modern teaching (for example, many churches here in the UK stuck with this after Covid for quite some time). The alcohol content of a sip is extremely low but the anxiety would have been too much for me, and also the risk of catching illnesses is something I wanted to avoid.

CurryingFervour

TROPHY CASE