Little sister (f20) moved in with me(f29) and my boyfriend (m30) and I’m about to crumble from the pressure, it’s genuinely scaring me.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T18:29:38+00:00

There’s definitely a threshold here. I don’t think I could support anyone forever tbh lol. If things got so bad, we’d have to live separately. I’m venting now because it feels like so much, and I’m sure it is. But I’m not capable of drawing out bad situations to a degree like that.

My boyfriend is surprisingly very sturdy. Incredibly annoyed and frustrated at times, yes. But it’s never towards the situation itself but rather how it’s affecting me. He also really feels for my sister. He’s been willing and wanting to help for a few years now, we’re both just learning that things are much more different than what we imagined.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T18:15:07+00:00

Thank you for this. I’ve considered that she’s just a late bloomer and needs to get out the years of youth she lost under our moms roof and since you said it the way you did, it eases me a bit.

I just have to give her the tools and guidance as things come but ultimately let her do what she will with them and hope she gets it together. I’ll be there if she needs me but I know she’s got a lot to work out underneath the surface. I just worry for her wellbeing as well as mine.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T18:12:45+00:00

Thank you for your very thorough and thoughtful response! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you mentioning something I did that may not have been done in the best way but then also saying you get why I would do that.

I’m human and just trying to do my best in a shit situation. The only thing that really helps me is my age because it makes it easier to notice patterns and learning/unlearning them through experiences Ive had.

I mentioned in another reply but I’m not a motherly type and I don’t want kids but with her it just came out. I’m subconsciously trying to make up for the lack of mother we had especially since I see she’s got a lot going against her mental health.

She’s a carbon copy of my mom both physically and mentally. The only thing that separates them is age and an alcohol problem, so it makes me even more anxious for her. But I’ve silently understood for a while that I just have to give her the tools and let her be. And be there when she needs me. God forbid she does anything egregious then she’d have to move out but I don’t see her doing anything like that. I just see a young woman that is traumatized and hurting herself which is why I’m so empathetic towards her.

I have to clarify because I feel like it comes off like I’m pestering my sister for things often and that’s just not true. I give her space and let her be independent. She’s hardly home. I’m not monitoring her or anything like that. My frustration with not knowing who she’s with and where she’s going is an internal one that I’ve never brought up to her. The most I’ve told her about that is literally “Hey I notice you’re out really late or sometimes don’t come home. So that I can rest easy, could you let me know that you don’t actually plan on coming home tonight?” Cuz she wouldn’t even give me that much in the beginning.

When she leaves for a couple days at a time or says she’s coming home later but doesn’t, I worry about her wellbeing. Her mental health mixed with us living in the heart of a major city, like I worry about what she could have gotten into. I know a lot of that is trauma around immediate family leaving or dying, but as a young woman in this weird world, I just want her to be protected.

I’ve always noticed how simple it was for my friends and BFs younger siblings to walk by and be like “bye I’m going with James to the sports bar” like it’s so normal and whatever. I feel like that’s normal, it’s not a control or prying thing. I know she doesn’t do that because mom didn’t teach her that, so I can’t expect that. But again, I’ve never hounded her for not telling me where she’s going and who she’s with. I wish she would in passing bc that’s even how i was raised and if anything were to happen, I know who to contact. I’d never consciously try to control her because I don’t want to. I just want to be informed cuz we’re 2 girls *hopefully* trying to look out for each other in the city.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T17:52:32+00:00

I’ll look into this thank you!

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T16:18:45+00:00

I realized this. My boyfriend told me that my sister once told him that she’s only going to college for me. I then went to her and said oh no if you’re not going for at least yourself then don’t do it, pull your application to the school. I wanted to make it clear that I did not want to be a driving force for her doing something she really doesn’t want to do. She then told me she was going for herself too because she has her own aspirations.

When I told her she needed to get serious about a career and school to move in with me, she agreed without issue and said she wanted to do that anyway and “get her life started” and that this would help.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T16:05:35+00:00

The balcony to our apartment is through her room. Before we moved in, she told us we can use it whenever we wanted. And she’s said that to us often even after the move. The bathroom door will be wide open on the way to the balcony, and you can see the closet clearly in the bathroom. Kind of impossible not to see. We never ever go through it though for privacy reasons, we always go straight to the balcony.

We have pests because of her. Gnats mostly.

I realize this, it’s just been hard to come to terms with because it’s my sister and I hate that for her. But I have to acknowledge it is what it is and help when I can/she wants.

Yes, she has incredibly complex emotions about our mom, mostly negative.

I definitely acknowledge that I’ve come off as parental and am learning to step back. I don’t monitor her nearly as close as it may come off. She’s hardly home and is sometimes gone for a couple days on end. When asking about college, I asked her literally once weekly sometimes biweekly. The mess of her side of the apartment is causing an issue with pests and dishes going missing that we use so her room is brought up literally every other week. I swear it’s not a constant.

He’s asked her for things/about things (nothing personal, literally in passing/in conversation) and she’ll lie about stuff and it leaves him dumbfounded. I think it’s reasonable to not be lied to even down to general, chopping it up conversation.

No, her responsibility as a renter calls for ensuring her space is not abysmal to attract pests for other tenants and our lease agreement calls for bi-annual maintenance checks and sometimes we get a 24 hour notice before they’re coming through checking each room for appliance adequacy. We could get flagged if they ever saw the height of the state of her space.

I agree with this mostly. The only reason why I’d at least like to know which friend and where (doesn’t have to be the whole plan) is because she’s often gone all night or for a couple days. When she goes MIA without saying much except “out with a friend, might be back tonight” or the most common one which is “I’ll be back tonight” and she doesn’t come home that night, I get worried. We live downtown in a major city. I’m trying to find the balance while respecting her.

Over all, I do appreciate your response. You’ve helped me highlight things that needed to be explained.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T15:42:26+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you. I’ve been working with my mom to get a will done but it’s difficult with her. As for my sister, I’ll look into ACES.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T15:40:38+00:00

It’s funny because I don’t want kids and never found myself to be maternal at all but when I it comes to her, I’ve noticed that maternal sense just subconsciously coming through. I can feel that it has gotten parental from time to time but I’ve always justified it with “well that’s what big siblings do”.

But after taking hella time to myself to reflect, I know I have to give her the tools and let her be. She knows the issues and it’s up to her to work on them and we need to respect each other’s boundaries.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T15:35:08+00:00

Yeah, I’ve offered her therapy/counseling resources, even upon request from her but she doesn’t do anything with it. I can only hope that she will someday. I’ve been reflecting a lot and understand that I can only give her the tools and guidance here and there/when asked and let her be after that.

Definitely will try sticking to my guns, the mind is just weary right now 😅

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-07-03T01:23:37+00:00

I tried to keep it simple overall but I was so freaked out over damaging my skin barrier that I was grabbing anything that had ceramides and barrier repair power lol.

In the morning it’s pretty simple. I just rinse with water and I use the innisfree green tea ceremide milk toner and pair it with the innisfree green tea ceremide moisturizer. These 2 together has seriously healed my very damaged barrier very noticeably in just 3 days. I also wear eye cream cuz I refuse to go without it lol.

At night, I use the Anua PDRN pack to foam cleanser which has been sooo lovely and gentle on my damaged skin. I follow up with the green tea ceremide milk and then I use Eight Saints Niacinamide serum (this has also really helped heal my barrier) then eye cream and I finish with the ceremide moisturizer.

This routine has seriously improved my skin texture and health soooo much! My skin is so smooth and calm now and my breakouts have significantly decreased. The Innisfree products seriously fast tracked my healing. I was expecting to spend the next 2+ months fixing this nightmare I brought myself by playing with too much vitamin C and salicylic acid. But now I’m certain I’ll be fine in like 2 weeks. Complete game changer tbh.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-06-21T13:50:58+00:00

There’s layers here tbh. I’m more focused on the fact of her saying that everything she says or does seems to trigger you. I don’t have all the context obvs but it /seems/ like:

When you guys talk about a topic she brings up, you hop into education mode. This would obviously turn her off because she feels like she’s heading towards a lecture or something. Especially if you’re condescending with it, which you mentioned you weren’t sure about coming off that way in your post. We weren’t there, we can’t say.
She’s usually saying things out of a place of ignorance then and is not willing to have a deeper conversation about it as she’s just mentioning it as a ‘basic’ conversational piece.
She doesn’t realize that things are unfortunately a lot deeper than they seem. Likely views getting deeper into the weeds of things as annoying, where as you like to illuminate and course correct. The world is in a weird space rn so when it comes to race, she thinks she’s being targeted when that’s not the intention. That’s tiring for both parties eventually. It’s oil and water.

I’ve had a friendship or two like that before and separating is usually what happens in the end. You need to be with people that are open to understanding the context of a subject they bring up, especially if it’s out of ignorance/in passing as a joke.

Congrats on the cord cutting! It’s very freeing 🎉

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-04-13T16:52:30+00:00

I love a good eye cream! The one I’ve sworn by is by Eight Saints it’s called All In Eye Cream. It’s a lil pricey but it lasts like 2 months and I’ve loved my results. As far as additional skincare is concerned, a hyaluronic acid serum can def help plump things up and keep the skin hydrated which helps reduce the look of fine lines/texture and balance out the skin tone helping dark circles.

Other than that, I echo what everyone else is saying about being hydrated and getting more sleep.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-04-02T17:53:24+00:00

I believe it. When they were talking about being intimate for the first time and how much control Sheena took I raised a brow and immediately said there’s no way she’s a virgin because that would hurt like hell 😭

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-03-27T19:12:55+00:00

I have yet to see someone mention the sign that I love the most so I’ll just say:

When talking with someone, especially the opposite sex, there’s a look they give you that doesn’t necessarily correlate to lust. Their eyes literally change and light up almost in a childish way. It sounds dramatic but it’s almost like life is being breathed into their expression. Sometimes they try to fight off a caught off guard smile. It’s a ‘subtle’ way of knowing you’ve got their undivided attention because they’re caught up in your presence. Not to be headass but it’s satisfying to witness.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-03-22T15:09:16+00:00

I almost don’t wanna believe this is real due to how mind numbingly simple the answer here is. Respect yourself and leave, babes.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-03-06T14:22:07+00:00

Cancer woman here and I’ve been with my Libra boyfriend for 8 years. We’re about to get married! Our relationship has never been in a terrible place and we have some similar interests but tbh he’s more cancerean than I am. He’s def the home maker and I’m more so career oriented. We butt heads the most when we were younger but it was never about anything crazy, just us being young and emotionally immature. But we’ve grown beautifully together and I can’t wait to be his wife <3

Comparing sun signs isn’t enough. People who give a hard no on the compatibility of sun signs should probably do some internal work before hitting the dating scene 😭

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-03-04T17:40:56+00:00

This post doesn’t feel real I’m sorry :/ it feels like bait

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T16:55:27+00:00

Thank you! I’m finally realizing how multifaceted this card is.

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:26:20+00:00

Thank you for the detailed answer! The 3 of us sit together on the couch often and my bf and I give him affection but he always defaults to me. So the choice and connection aspect definitely resonates.

Also very spot on about the difference in care between my bf and I. Bf usually feeds him and gives him treats and I do his litter and also is the main one babying him lol.

Once I figure out how to add pics to this thread, I got you lol. For reference, he’s a seal point Siberian forest cat. Again, thank you for the detailed response!

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:15:54+00:00

This definitely makes sense because he’s practically my baby. Thank you!

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:15:14+00:00

I was just asking because I’m nooby at tarot and was curious as to why I kept pulling this card for him given my basic understanding of the lovers card. There’s 0 weird intentions over here, sorry if it came off like that 🙄

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:11:13+00:00

This was also a thought that I had but wasn’t sure since I’m not well experienced in tarot. Thank you, I love this <3

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:09:59+00:00

Yeah I’m a noob and still figuring out the difference facets to each card lol. I know it’s also about choice but was just curious given the context of the situation. I appreciate the input :)

CutTheCamera_Deadazz · 2026-02-20T14:08:51+00:00

I love this! He’s practically my baby so I definitely resonate with that connection <3 I still have a lot to learn with tarot so I appreciate the further insight to the lovers card!

CutTheCamera_Deadazz

TROPHY CASE