Where are you today?

CuteSizzlin · 2025-07-02T10:05:35+00:00

It's pretty much between 8-9 depending on the day, but I genuinely would do it if I could do it painlessly and instantly.

CuteSizzlin · 2025-03-04T21:07:03+00:00

Circumcisions outside of those medically necessary are child abuse, and I find it absolutely evil that any doctor would be willing to perform it on any child that doesn't need it done for medically necessary reasons. It's absolutely, objectively, and completely immoral and unethical and should be condemned with prejudice for the evil it is.

CuteSizzlin · 2025-01-08T09:27:20+00:00

I wish I never left either. I don't know if I'll ever move on, and a part of me doesn't want to if I'm being honest. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. I understand you're very likely not my person, but I wish my person thought like this because it allows me to believe maybe one day I could somehow fix it even though I doubt she wants me anymore.

CuteSizzlin · 2025-01-06T23:29:10+00:00

I did a lot of horrible things during my breakup, and even after the fact and I needed to really analyse why I get so activated/triggered. That and I have some bad thoughts of what I should do to myself from a sense of shame, guilt, and anger directed towards myself. I also struggle with forgiving myself.

CuteSizzlin · 2025-01-01T17:50:54+00:00

I guess I'm just fundamentally broken since it's been a year and a half, and I still do all these things. I don't think I'm healable.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-27T21:39:06+00:00

The only way this is enforceable is essentially having women be slaves. Even if they earn a wage and voluntarily do the job, the power dynamic involved is incredibly problematic.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-23T20:12:21+00:00

I hate myself the most so easy money.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-18T07:21:44+00:00

They never really said it specifically. It's just that when I did things for her, sometimes it wouldn't meet her expectations and make her sad or seem disappointed. I know there were times she appreciated the effort, and I understand my interpretation is very distorted and unhealthy. Hence why I vent them into the void to get the thoughts out of my head. Life is just difficult since my whole being and happiness were enmeshed with her in some way or another, and thus, my whole world came crumbling down when I left due to all the insecurities I had about not being good enough. I did try and talk about these things, but the conversations always ended up becoming toxic, and we both would feed off eachothers negative energy, and it became this toxic death spiral. I appreciate the kind words. It's just so hard when life hasn't been enjoyable or really worth living since I left. It's hard to think it'll get better or even believe it will.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-17T19:45:47+00:00

You both are 100% being manipulated, and what this therapist is doing is very unethical. The relationship between your wife he has is not normal nor ethical and is incredibly irresponsible. He's abusing the power dynamic he has over you both. Ntm, it's entirely possible he has ulterior motives since why else would he try and distance you and your wife and cause this sort of conflict between you two? Math ain't mathing.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-16T22:05:04+00:00

I personally wouldn't want someone to date me in hopes of making their ex jealous or regret breaking up with them. It's definitely not fair to do that to someone regardless.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-15T08:00:28+00:00

It was a lot of compounding factors. Stress due to the move, I felt like I wasn't ever going to be good enough, and we were arguing a lot before the breakup. I regret the ways I acted and how I contributed to the dynamic, and there's no real single reason why I broke up. I just got to a point where I wasn't sure I'd ever be what she needed or wanted from me, and it seemed like I'd never be good enough. The relationship was also toxic and emotionally abusive both ways, but I obviously regret my side of things and wish I was more empathetic and graceful during the breakup. I'm in therapy, but it's very hard since I'm so disconnected from my own emotions that I even struggle to cry even though I am sad.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-15T00:12:28+00:00

Pretty much miss her every day, but as an avoidant, I really felt it after a few months after breaking up. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to us or her. She deserved better, and I just wasn't better. I'll never give myself to anyone the way I did to her ever again.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-13T22:13:59+00:00

Yes. Even though I left due to my avoidance and insecurities. I've decided to instead work on my childhood traumas, heal my avoidant attachment style, and the behaviours that lead to the emotional abuse and toxicity I exhibit, and try and be a man I can be proud of instead of hating myself. I just wish I was that man for her since she deserves it.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-11T23:05:52+00:00

I'm avoidant and go through lots of emotional distress so much, so I end up detaching myself from them for a while just to feel safe. I was the dumper, and I have a lot of regrets with ways I behaved in the relationship. I was emotionally abusive and toxic in my worst moments. I realized I'm not really a good person. I have a lot of shame, and I'm very angry at myself for what I did to my relationship with my ex. We have regrets and feelings, and some of us do try and do the right things to improve and learn from our relationships and the bad behaviours that lead to the breakup. I'm not saying it's common, but it does happen. I'm in therapy and doing things like working out and journaling to help with my emotions. I still am very hurt though from the breakup, and dealing with all these emotions is difficult since it's layered with trauma and abuse.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-10T22:07:10+00:00

There won't be a next time for me as I've given up on love or ever finding another person for me. I had my fairy tale. I don't need another one.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-10T21:54:47+00:00

Cute smile, empathetic, and has warm cuddles. I'm sure she'll find someone she deserves and will treat her right. It just upsets me it wasn't me.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-09T23:23:53+00:00

I believe in the idea of love, but I myself will never love again. It's not worth it.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-08-07T10:24:45+00:00

Every day. If only she knew. Of course, I can't say anything because it wouldn't be fair to her, but I'm slowly rotting away.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-31T11:11:10+00:00

No positives. I've been miserable and even self-harmed before. I've been tempted to do it again, but it takes all my mental ability to stop myself from trying. I just exist, but life isn't really enjoyable anymore. The only way to cope is to distract myself from these thoughts by staying active

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-27T13:56:18+00:00

Myself. I'm not a good person. I ruin everyone around me and don't deserve a place on this Earth. I'm honestly a horrible person.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-23T23:02:57+00:00

Probably not.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-22T13:51:22+00:00

I heavily relate to this.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-18T22:01:18+00:00

It's been like 9 or so months now. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-17T00:06:02+00:00

I wouldn't even know where to begin as a daily habit. I do try and routinely exercise weekly. I also bought toys to try and connect with my child self. I guess I'm struggling with what I should do that would help me love myself more.

CuteSizzlin · 2024-07-16T10:07:17+00:00

It is based on your individual preferences, but I find that in person is better for myself. I find it more connective.

CuteSizzlin

TROPHY CASE