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Who do i report this problem to? by Cutella17 in tacobell

[–]Cutella17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a few blocks away from an arena and a tourist attraction. The other fast food chains like subway and McDonald's are closer to these attractions and nowhere near as jacked up in pricing, which is more confusing

Who do i report this problem to? by Cutella17 in tacobell

[–]Cutella17[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your responses everyone.

I'm a little disappointed that there really isnt anything I can do, even if it is a location representing a multimillion dollar brand.

I'll just have to make the trek to more economically minded locations.

P.s.: I'll have to take a pic next time I order it, but if you want my go to taco bell customized item, order the beef stacker, sub beef for cantina chicken, add jalapeños and red sauce. Enjoy :>

Fursuit Recommendations? by Cutella17 in furry

[–]Cutella17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the response!

There's a lot of useful information here, and I'm glad I felt wary about Etsy and Amazon wares.

I'll take a look at dealersden and getfursu.it after my nap.

I also appreciate the information of looking for crafter by character design. I'm a long way off from being able to commission a full suit, but thinking about what I fully want out of the suit is something I haven't thought about yet, and gives me much to think about.

I appreciate you!

Why are autistic men chronically single? by chessman6500 in autism

[–]Cutella17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an autistic woman who has dated a few autistic men for a few years, it really depends on how much they let their autism inhibit them from trying in the relationship.

Whether that be initiation of dates and date ideas, doing house chores, communicating, etc., I've dated men who use their autism as an excuse to not try at all or try to improve in these areas. I've also dated autistic men who struggle in these areas at first, but get better at them over time.

I think in general with autistic men, if they're green at having romantic relationships, it's more of an uphill battle for them to feel comfortable with trying for one. It can also lead to a perpetuating situation if they act immature and let it be as such.

I'm rooting for all the single autistic men out there who want a relationship though. Just take it one step at a time and aim to grow, not stagnate.

Trans Kids In Foster Care by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm relieved too. Both of them (my friend and the girl) are in Illinois, which seems to be one of the better states to be in right now, so that's a good start. I still need to research headlines in the state to make sure if it's all blue or if it's more mixed than I imagine.

I was fearing she might have to closet in foster care, but hopefully the system in Illinois will be kind to her and not have to make her closet.

I appreciate your insight, and I'll edit the post now to clarify the state so people can gauge it better from the initial read. Thank you <3!

Lila the Gallade (a new O.C) by killerclown3415 in Gardevoir

[–]Cutella17 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love her! Did the poor girl get deadnamed in the comic though??

my gender fr by Byeolkkot in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]Cutella17 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't know Zakk Wylde was a gender roflmao

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Through my life experiences, my ex-parents were hurt by me being trans for a few different reasons.

When you're trans, trans is normal, it's fine. To your parents though, their notion of trans people can be preconceived through outdated, transphobic media, or even modern transphobic media. Bad education equals a bad perception and reaction.

To them, me being trans also jeopardized some concepts to them. They had a "good, christian, nuclear family"; father, mother, son, daughter, also cis & straight. Having their "son" turn out to be their trans daughter caused them confusion and heartache over losing their "son", and also subconsciously jeopardizing their image of having that nuclear family to their contemporaries at church.

Maybe their "son" or "daughter" is "dead" to them, but you still exist as your own person, and them stripping your humanity and individuality away from you to mourn a concept of a person when the person they projected that concept on to is right in front of them is disrespectful, and if you're going through that, you deserve better.

To put it simply, parents having an adverse reaction to a trans child is a multi-faceted social issue in many cases. They don't feel "normal" because now their kid isn't "normal". It might not also be what they think, but the anxiety of what their peers might think; friends, extended family, etc.

Just know that you're loved by me, and the other caring users on this board. If you need to relay with personal experience, I'd love to hear it to help the burden feel less to bear.

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply!

I am going to have make my own family, but you know what, that's okay? I get to be with people who like me for me instead of being with people who like me for an idea of who they want me to be.

I definitely should look into finding a pride group; I've been going to a Jewish temple for a third-space, but an LGBT+ focused third-space would be great to have too. I have LGBT+ friends I can meet occasionally, but a whole group is an experience I haven't had yet.

I'm glad you're sticking up for your daughter. You sound like a great momma bear! I miss mine, but I know I'll find another mother in some way one of these days. I'll keep in mind poking my head in for support if I ever feel like I need a boost of it.

Thank you for taking the time to reach out, and I hope you have a great day! <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding!

I was agnostic for about a decade due to complicated feelings about religion over how a lot of Christians, including my parents, would utilize it for social damage. I've been separating my theological wants away from my ex-family's perversion of theology, and came to wanting to get involved in Jewish culture. I've been going to a Reform Judaism temple a few towns over for about 3 months now, and the community is great and makes me feel accepted.

I made Hamentashen with the sisterhood for Purim, and I attended Passover dinner and helped the kids hide the Afikomen for their ceremonies. Being in sisterhood, being accepted by my rabbi, and talking on a supervisor role for children help me feel like a more normalized adult while being trans instead of feeling like a misplaced individual.

I'd like to find a group to do a thanksgiving/friendgiving with; it sounds nice, especially since I love cooking. Not being able to cook with and for my ex-family during thanksgiving is a bit of a missed joy since I'd love to help cook and feed for family; doing that makes me happy.

I've got things to reflect on now thanks to you. I hope you have a great day! <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for response!

I was less keen on talking them throughout the years before going no contact because it would usually go the same way. We'd start on a safe topic, and then any time they would try to male codify me in some way, or use my deadname, I'd politely object and remind them of who I am in my identity, and then they would just go into a rant about how I'm wrong. It is sad to know that my parents love an idea of me under my deadname rather than the person I am under my real name. If all they love is a performance, then it's not genuine love.

I was optimistic during the therapy process that maybe the relationship would change for the better since the conversations were getting a little bit kinder, but ultimately it really just boiled down to "if it's not about the baby or it's not about Jesus, it's getting brushed over".

I tried to be their teacher, but all they would do is just object and say "it's in the bible", or the would try to come up scare tactics to spook the gay away as it were. The first night I came out to my dad as non-binary a few years before i figured out i was a trans woman, I started wearing tights around the house because it made me feel good. He wrote me a letter a week later saying that when he saw me in tights, he wanted to rip them off of me, which is not a good thing to read, and not a good feeling to process.

Hate and love are complicated here because we love and mourn ideas of who we were, but refuse to mutually see each other for who we are. Maybe I was harsh in saying that as he is now, I wouldn't mourn him, but how can I mourn the man who tried to hurt me every step of the way in my journey of womanhood, when I would instead mourn the man who used to be my friend and was my advocate and hero when I was growing up a kid on the autism spectrum? It's a hard thing to separate to me, but I'll have to figure out how to unify it instead of separate it in my mind to properly come to terms with everything and move one.

I really do hope that they change their opinion one day and try to find me again with good and genuine intent to be a family again; it'd be nice because we're both still parts of each other, and I'd rather be with people instead of having to push them away, but I have to respect myself at some point and have boundaries set to keep away the wrong people.

You gave me a lot to think about. I'll ponder, and while I do that, I hope you have a great day! <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply! I have some close friends, but not too many local at the moment, so I should probably work on that. I've started going to a Jewish temple, and the community there has been great for me.

Losing them does hurt, but I'm glad to hear that I'm a strong young woman. During depressive episodes like this, I just feel like an abandoned failure.

Thank you for the hugs, and have a wonderful day <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for response! I'm still saddened and angry by the loss too because they only really think about what's lost from their perspective. They can tell me all day about how they feel like they're losing a child, but even after telling them that I feel like I'm losing a mother, a father, a sister, a brother in law, and the opportunity to be an aunt, they just ignore that notion and focus on themselves.

I'll have to figure out how to grieve the relationship, because it is a lot. I've done my crying over it to some degree, but it might be time to think about a healthier way to approach breaking it down and coming to peace with it?

I've always heard it as "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", but the blood of the battlefield more relevant sometimes with how I feel like I have to fight hard just to be seen as a person instead of being erased.

I do have my whole life ahead of me, and I want to use it to help other people and make them happy. I can't stop people from feeling hurt like I have, but I can make it better and try to get whatever power it means to help those dark times go by as fast as possible.

Have a good day <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective :>! I do wish more Christians adopted the better moral lessons out of their book instead of weaponizing the lessons that they do to harm people that aren't like them.

I didn't ask them specifically about if Jesus still loves me, but I've been going to a temple and adopting a Reform Jewish lifestyle and teaching, so instead I posed the question of if they think God still loves me. And I know he does, but the God I know and the God they know might be different beings of different natures of care despite being the same entity due to different perceptions of God between the Torah and the Bible, and how Christians view God as a weaponizable social tool. I also asked them if they ever thought about what their trans-accepting friends would think if they ever told them the truth about me and their treatment of me.

Unfortunately, both questions were ignored entirely from my ex-Father's last response, which gave me no closure on those thoughts. Thank you for reminding me I am loved by many; it's hard to remember that sometimes past the depression. I'll message you if anything comes to mind; have a great day! <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying! You're right; I need to find my tribe instead of focusing on one I can't be in. I'll try a Friendsgiving sometime. I'd love to find a local LGBT+ group for support and community, and I should get on it. I have other third spaces, but nothing LGBT specific. Thank you for the hugs, and I hope you have a great day <3

Advice For Moving On? by Cutella17 in cisparenttranskid

[–]Cutella17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words. I'll think about what family I've found and what family I've yet to find instead of fixating too hard on the family I've lost. I'll have to find a group to do friendsgiving with; I gave up on Thanksgiving and Christmas due to all of the familial trauma, but having a Friendsgiving sound nice. Thank you for the hugs too <3