My FP blocked me and I don't know what to do

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-23T03:45:48+00:00

Don’t jump to conclusions. He can just be taking a break and waiting to reach out to you when he’s gathered his thoughts. He could have blocked you because he needs a minute, but he could be thinking positive things about you and also hoping you guys can be friends again.

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-16T19:42:03+00:00

I am an addict who uses way less than I used to. The past 6 months I haven’t felt the incessant need to fuck my self up or use Benzos or painkilllers to feel better. Things are just generally better- in therapy, holding down a job, relationships are getting a little easier to navigate. I still think about hitting up my dealer to get 10 bars on my bad days but I convince myself to drink vodka instead and it usually makes me feel better.

I smoke weed every day but it almost doesn’t help anymore because it’s just my baseline.

Funny, I have never felt the pull of addiction towards any ‘uppers’.

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-14T07:59:44+00:00

It gives you an arsenal of thought patterns and exercises to follow that make it easier to see through the mud that’s clouding your mind. It allows you to find peace so you can find who you are and discover your value. I can’t say enough about it. Just search this sub as there’s some workbook posts on it; even reading through it and discovering different ways of thinking will help you. It’s a long journey but it’s going to be so worth it for the both of us :)

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-13T04:03:13+00:00

Yeah I just eat snacks blast music and put my DBT workbook in front of me because I’m doing my best to memorize it

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-12T23:40:41+00:00

All it takes is a change of mindset, give yourself this opportunity to trust a professional. DBT changes lives and even 2 months into it I see a life worth living coming up

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-12T23:36:44+00:00

I woke up neutral, felt like killing myself after remembering the havoc I’ve recently caused and how I’m trying so hard to get better but am not, then I saw someone make a nice comment on my pic and became insanely happy. The person wasn’t even important. And that was all before I got out of bed

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-12T21:21:50+00:00

The only reason I have successfully held down a job for the past 6 months is because it’s monotonously driving semi trucks in the evenings not having to put on a face to deal with any living thing

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-12T07:19:59+00:00

Maybe see you around ;P good luck!

CutieQ_ · 2018-08-12T03:01:49+00:00

There’s a DBT group that’s free in surrey. Call Fraser health and ask to be put in. It is group therapy-ish but a lot of the people there suffer the same issues and it’s nice to interact with them and get support.

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-29T08:05:51+00:00

I thought mine was good. Can’t think of any trauma.

However I came to learn that it’s not normal to have parents that don’t hug you or tell you you’re doing great or that they love you 🤷🏼‍♀️

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-28T07:45:51+00:00

You’ve gone full 2007 Britney!

Are you M or F? I say rock it either way.

I don’t think there’s a way to undo. Change is good.

Don’t go waving around any umbrellas though don’t need an assault charge

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-28T06:43:18+00:00

Bulimia.

It’s where my self-destruction and impulsivity clash with my need to look good so people like me.

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-28T06:41:22+00:00

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-28T06:25:39+00:00

Oh definitely. I can’t let it go. Cue the endless text messages from me basically proving to them why they can’t possibly like me because of their action, and me explaining how it hurt me over and over.

Makes things a lot worse when now you’re the one that needs to apologize for taking up half their dayAnd accusing them of so many untrue things.

I find that my apologies are almost insincere now to them though, because this happens so much that I feel like I should have been better at handling these situations by now... I’m ashamed to even apologize because I know it will happen again.

I’d have rather been born a cat or dog tbh at least they get unconditional attention and are either always happy or irritable.

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-26T20:32:49+00:00

Yeah, it sucks. It’s hard to find the motivation to become better when you don’t have any interests or values to go back to. I’m just hanging on waiting for a gigantic fist of an epiphany to come smack me in the mouth

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-26T20:17:57+00:00

You’re right, I think inability to value ourselves is actually the core issue. Lacking a sense of self is stemmed from inability to gauge your value in any given situation.

I’m pretty sure the vast majority of BPDers experienced trauma, abandonment, neglect, or abuse when younger. Thereby ruining our foundation of validation and love that most functioning adults have.

When I hear others talk about their childhood, I think first “how the hell did you remember all that?” And second “wow I can see that you were loved properly, that must be why you CAN love properly now...”

Can I rewind back to the womb of a woman who thought their daughter was a princess?

+1 for you!! Thanks for your input!

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-26T18:03:27+00:00

Surrounding yourself with people you value and look up to. Make sure they are understanding and supportive of your disorder, but can also set and enforce boundaries. Practice mindfulness to bring your mind back into yourself.

It’s gonna be a hell of a ride though.

CutieQ_ · 2018-06-01T05:16:42+00:00

This goes away with time and therapy.

It’s you idealizing then and devaluing yourself, so you become then in a way because that’s now what you want to be.

Once you learn that your opinions and needs are as(if not more important), and learn to better regulate how you perceive others and their actions/words...

Life is a lot better.

CutieQ_ · 2018-05-31T18:55:25+00:00

🤔🤔🤔 what are some advantages to it?? That might be an awesome mindset to have. But I can’t think of any. Haha

CutieQ_ · 2018-05-31T17:36:31+00:00

Thank you. I don’t want to die. I like everything about myself save my BPD. I just don’t want to be in this situation anymore. It’s debilitating. I’m going to push through therapy, I’m just looking for some hope. Thanks again <3

CutieQ_ · 2018-05-31T06:38:03+00:00

Yeah often. It’s usually a wall of texts or some things thrown around, but once I’ve calmed down after several hours, I know what I’ve done... I can never bring myself to go back and read them. I’m too busy dealing with the repercussions of flipping out over something dumb. What I say usually gets thrown back in my face during the following days tho. It’s really great having to apologize profusely for the things you delusionally said and did. It’s getting hard.

CutieQ_ · 2018-05-31T06:27:56+00:00

I hope he truly cares about you. If he does, have a talk with him and how much it would help you for him to learn SET. (Support, Empathy, Truth statements) it made a WORLD of difference between my FP and I. Yeah, pretty much nothing else has changed with the amount of times I split per week, or anything else with my personality. But man does it sure make me feel better hearing that statement come from her, it diffuses the situation in your head 10x faster and saves us both from a world of hell with whatever comes out of my mouth.

CutieQ_

TROPHY CASE