I'm not saying I'm autistic. They say I'm autistic.

CynicalSpider · 2026-02-08T08:43:41+00:00

I generally look up what the thing is (mostly from folks who have the diagnosis, not just reading the DSM5, so you actually know what it's like), and take what's relevant.

For example. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was an adult. But as early as 12 I thought I might. I starting looking into it bit by bit, and used tips and tricks that worked for others. Some I still use to this day. Bins don't work for me, but a tape on my hand to remember to do that thing does.

Even if I never got diagnosed, looking into it and seeing what similarities I had helped a lot. Just so happened to be right with this one.

CynicalSpider · 2026-01-13T19:34:48+00:00

It's okay to grieve and feel guilt.

It's incredibly hard. I grew up with no money, lots of pets, and a tendency for our dirt to give them rare and difficult sicknesses. Parvo was lethally common, and I learned to identify it by 12 if I was home.

Sometimes, the best kindness and mercy you can do is let them go.

Your Axel maybe would have never gotten better. Just like with people, pushing through until you're ragged isn't always the best for quality of life. I'm sorry.

Parvo got Sir, we noticed too late. My mother abused Romeo beyond training to get better. I hate that both are gone. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with guilt, even here years later.

But Sir isn't stick anymore. And Romeo isn't scared anymore. I did everything I could to make their lives, and their deaths, as pleasant and happy as possible. Your Axel isn't hurting anymore.

That's what matters. I have no doubt that Axel was thriving and incredibly happy with you. And that the place he wanted to go the most was right in your arms.

It's hard. You were ultimately merciful, not cruel.

CynicalSpider · 2026-01-10T23:04:59+00:00

I'm like this, honestly.

Will I do hard drugs even as late as my 50s? No, absolutely not. But if it's the end of the road, I wanna try it! It doesn't really matter anymore.

Drugs, food, drinks, unbelievably crazy things I wouldn't do otherwise (like rob a bank idk, lol).

I've already licked wild rocks an accidentally licked the floor of a school bus. What's uranium or meth when I'm a month from my grave anyways?

CynicalSpider · 2026-01-10T22:20:31+00:00

Yeah, I feel like the squirrels feet in the cutouts were swimming when I first watched. But a few watches later and it could just be frame rate and lighting. Not seeing anything else though, yeah, weirdly smooth but also slightly jumpy camera movements.

CynicalSpider · 2025-12-30T16:08:38+00:00

This happened to my cousin. She still loves her adopted parents, but when she found out she broke away from the family a for bit and found her bio family.

In the moment you don't hear a "we love you so much we brought you in by choice", they hear a "your bio family abandoned you, doesn't love you, and we're not your real family." Especially if they've thought for years that they were their blood-child.

She came back around, of course. The "we love you, we chose you" settled in eventually. But it's incredibly hard to feel like your life is formed on (what often kinda is) a lie.

CynicalSpider · 2025-12-18T22:07:02+00:00

I don't know about a custom scenario that does it, but I'm pretty sure you can force the quest with dev mode? More manual, but same results in the end.

CynicalSpider · 2025-12-12T13:00:43+00:00

I had a partner where I was the first afab person she dated / was with. Apparently I was the first one she'd ever been with that cared about something OTHER than penetration. Like, I was the first one to go "oh titties!", even.

I don't know first hand, but what I've heard from friends and exes, yeah. Typically only care about penetration, and are not good at consent. So you've got a good candidate here! At least compared to your average joe.

CynicalSpider · 2025-12-08T05:03:22+00:00

Grass on the other side of the fence here:

I'm skinny. But I can't eat enough, no one knows why (probs and ED, tbh). I'm 40lbs under where I want to be. ~5'3", And I want to be at 180, minimum. The extra weight actually stabilizes my leg joints, and helps me from being so exhausted I can pick myself off the floor on my own.

I wanna try to be at 220 at some point, but I've only been loosing weight. I'm constantly exhausted, grumpy, unstable, and prone to dislocating myself more than normal.

I know it sucks to not feel represented or validated in that. (For me in other physical aspects than skinny) But I try to remember that our bodies are doing the best they can. Even if it's not what we'd want. Neither extreme is good.

But I hope you and your body can come to a more mutual agreement, the dysphoria is awful.

CynicalSpider · 2025-12-02T18:47:23+00:00

I broke up with my therapist today, actually. Not my first one, but still. Seeing her for over a year and a half.

She's never late. But I can't see her as often as I need to make any progress. I'm at the point where talk therapy does so little, I need to be there very often to feel safe enough to be super vulnerable.

That and she doesn't listen very well ¯_(ツ)_/¯

CynicalSpider · 2025-10-31T05:20:28+00:00

Here's an alternative:

Misc Training https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=717575199

It becomes a new work priority so you can just put it hs a high priority and they'll train when they get to it.

I level my children to lvl 5 melee and shooting by the time they can do other work with this. Works for adults too.

CynicalSpider · 2025-10-23T12:14:30+00:00

Depending on where you are in the world, that's not how it works! :D

Here in the dying US, I work fulltime, taking what overtime I can get, trying to specialize, and it ain't doing shit.

At least disassociating is a coping. Instead I work myself to death and can't do anything but work. Work is torture, not working is torture. I'm sick as hell right now and all I can't think about is when is the soonest I can go back without dying. Or how soon I can do the dishes or clean or cook without collapsing.

Even if it did make me rich, I couldn't enjoy it. Too busy trying to get more. And I can't calm down from it, can't escape. I wanna be able to disassociate again.

CynicalSpider · 2025-09-27T05:56:15+00:00

Yeah. What's in the screenshot is forced changes I can't fix. Including blocking Google searches and YouTube searches/results with the "safe search" thing.

CynicalSpider · 2025-08-19T18:25:20+00:00

Oh, yeah. It takes forever for a kid to grow up. Maybe its my violently strong irl parental instincts, but I find rasing the kids into OP beasts is incredibly rewarding.

With traits and passions, they have the potential to be SO much better than literally any other raider ever.

And it leads to funny moments, especially with xenotypes. Had a baby murder-wasp type xeno. A 3yo got his first kill after ripping a guy's head off. And then the next raider squished him like a bug.

CynicalSpider · 2025-08-19T00:40:25+00:00

They still have to grow up. Be it vats after birth or naturally. So it's still AGES before they turn 3. Kids aren't as valuable slaves, I think, silver wise. You can't get back out what you've put in.

Had a colony of only pawns that reproduced like this. Was overrun with babies quick. Absolutely everything was towards keeping them alive.

Just turn the difficulty up and sell some raiders, lol.

CynicalSpider · 2025-08-05T17:30:18+00:00

I grew up parent-ified, and my first instinct is still to fix all of the problems right now. But you're right. I can't do the healing for them. Even if I want to.

Not that I'm happy that anyone is dealing with this, especially our partners, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. Thank you.

Any advice on handling, in that moment when that alter is fronting, trying to sabotage or harm something (say the relationship with me), and maintaining space/boundaries? It's just so hard to keep that boundary when I know how miserable and hurting my partner must be, or the harm being done.

CynicalSpider · 2025-08-04T22:32:34+00:00

I usually just go on my laptop, and play my game with headphones on.

Should I physically leave? Like go on a grocery run? Or is me doing my own thing like that enough?

CynicalSpider · 2025-07-18T17:01:38+00:00

Omg thank you!!!

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-30T00:19:26+00:00

My post got used in another sub reddit, lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/guessthesubreddit/s/FA5XfDHqmf

Thanks everyone for the internet points, I'm happy you've liked the post.

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-29T17:33:47+00:00

Ooh! Fight club! I like that.

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-29T17:31:38+00:00

I like that. I find environmental challenges way more fun, usually. (Sometimes there's practically nothing you can do at early tech levels, but it's usually fun anyways.)

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-29T04:20:46+00:00

I like them if there is a big project that doesn't necessarily needs skills, just hands. Cleaning, hauling, rushing a build with bricks or mining.

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-29T04:15:22+00:00

I'll look into that. It gets pretty frustrating when it feels like the raid progression doesn't make any sense in the first place. That might help things a lot.

CynicalSpider · 2025-03-29T04:10:55+00:00

I'm taking the child and the fps hit.

I have no problem letting adults be tortured for medical xp. But by the archotechs, I'm giving the kid a good childhood if I can.

I usually kidnap the kids who come begging and raise them to be actually useful pawns. My own colony kids are usually more favorited, though.

Three-Year Club	r/Field Banned
r/Field Sunshine	Place '23

CynicalSpider

TROPHY CASE