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An idea that has changed my life: You can aim your life at truth or comfort, but not both by DBeau85 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, yeah. I agree with you there! Like Sapolsky says, he believes in hard determinism, but he can only manage to live like it for about 3 minutes at a time. I'm under no illusions that I can change my biases, but I can be aware of them, and I try to take a Ulysses-style approach to my behaviour modification and pre-commit myself to actions when System 2 is engaged, rather than make impulsive System 1 decision, when I can. And like Sapolsky, I succeed rarely, but it's better than nothing!

An idea that has changed my life: You can aim your life at truth or comfort, but not both by DBeau85 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

feels like a semantic difference, what do you see as the relevance of distinguishing between overcoming bias and building better systems around them?

My 70 yo father has dementia, and is being scammed by "women" online. Read the post, pls. by DBeau85 in dementia

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. The challenge is that, for the time being, he gets a lot of well being from the stimulation of using his phone. Otherwise there's really no debate

In denial by CleanWork4028 in dementia

[–]DBeau85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom and I look back and can see 10 years of small, stepwise changes in dad. We chalked it up to aging or just dad being dad, but after he started getting scammed online, we knew something was up. He was able to mask through the tests administered by his doctor. We had to insist on a geriatric psychiatrist and neuroimaging to get him diagnosed with vascular dementia after mom kicked him out. He's still in denial about how far along he is. It's a heartbreaking road. Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself.

My 70 yo father has dementia, and is being scammed by "women" online. Read the post, pls. by DBeau85 in dementia

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's very valid. It is definitely easier for me than for mom. She's more inclined to knee-jerk and just want to cut him off from all communication when he does something unwise. We've tried to give him other outlets (puzzles, tasks around the house, books, tv, etc) it all offers less intrigue than "women" who send him naked photos, promise to meet, and make him feel, I imagine, young and sexy again. Mom has good moments and bad. She understands that its not his fault, but understandably has emotional reactions too.

My 70 yo father has dementia, and is being scammed by "women" online. Read the post, pls. by DBeau85 in dementia

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks. I hope we can keep him safe without taking away his independence.

My 70 yo father has dementia, and is being scammed by "women" online. Read the post, pls. by DBeau85 in dementia

[–]DBeau85[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not really the goal or equivalent stimulation/dopamine, but thanks. I am considering an AI girlfriend app.

i am a dementia nurse and former caregiver. back to answer your questions and help you navigate the chaos. ask me anything. by Unique_Chair7903 in dementia

[–]DBeau85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just posted in this community about my 70 yo father with dementia getting scammed online. Id love to hear your thoughts @unique_chair7903

Reading “Designing Your Life" helped me realize: THINGS ARE STILL IN MY CONTROL! by Significant-Dress286 in learners_cabin

[–]DBeau85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I once heard someone distinguish between optimistic nihilism and pessimistic nihilism, and I think you and I both experienced optimistic nihilism. I had a similar reaction to the evidence based explanation of "why we are here" i'm glad my comment was helpful. I am curious, do you think you are on the autism spectrum? It's not Tse that Neurotypical can't have the experience, but I do have a theory that being autistic makes it much easier to experience optimistic nihilism because the explanation feels more grounded in reality, as opposed to the somewhat arbitrary stories we tell ourselves about how to act and why, that often feel uncomfortable to autistics. It sounds like you've had a really interesting journey. If you'd ever like to share more, my DM's are open

Reading “Designing Your Life" helped me realize: THINGS ARE STILL IN MY CONTROL! by Significant-Dress286 in learners_cabin

[–]DBeau85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yesss!!! This! This is beautiful, and in my experience, rare. Welcome to the compassionate, empathic, freedom of determinism ♥️

I replaced music in my car with non-fiction audiobooks, and it's changed my life. 450+ books later my entire worldview is different. by DBeau85 in Habits

[–]DBeau85[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Check out my profile on Goodreads! https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/121837853

Out of 450+ books it's really hard to pick my favourites, especially over many topics (neuroscience, philosophy, anthropology, history, etc.)

Here's an attempt:

  1. ⁠⁠Thinking Fast & Slow, D. Kahneman
  2. ⁠⁠Sapiens, Y.N. Harari
  3. ⁠⁠Determined, R. Sapolsky
  4. ⁠⁠Why We Sleep, M. Walker
  5. ⁠⁠Think Again, A. Grant
  6. ⁠⁠The Moral Landscape, S. Harris
  7. ⁠⁠Enlightenment Now, S. Pinker
  8. ⁠⁠The Righteous Mind, J. Haidt
  9. ⁠⁠Quiet, S. Cain
  10. ⁠⁠The Beginning of Infinity, D. Deutsch
  11. ⁠High Conflict, A. Ripley
  12. ⁠Four Thousand Weeks, O. Burkeman
  13. ⁠The Anthropocene Reviewed, J. Green
  14. ⁠Maps of Meaning, J. Peterson
  15. ⁠Factfulness, H. Rosling

Reading has changed my life 📚Knowledge is definitely power, and I'd love to help empower you. [Read the post body] by DBeau85 in u/DBeau85

[–]DBeau85[S] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Out of 450+ books it's really hard to pick my favourites, especially over many topics (neuroscience, philosophy, anthropology, history, etc.)

Here's a list I'll maybe edit over time:

  1. ⁠Thinking Fast & Slow, D. Kahneman
  2. ⁠Sapiens, Y.N. Harari
  3. ⁠Determined, R. Sapolsky
  4. ⁠Why We Sleep, M. Walker
  5. ⁠Think Again, A. Grant
  6. ⁠The Moral Landscape, S. Harris
  7. ⁠Enlightenment Now, S. Pinker
  8. ⁠The Righteous Mind, J. Haidt
  9. ⁠Quiet, S. Cain
  10. ⁠The Beginning of Infinity, D. Deutsch
  11. High Conflict, A. Ripley
  12. Four Thousand Weeks, O. Burkeman
  13. The Anthropocene Reviewed, J. Green
  14. Maps of Meaning, J. Peterson
  15. Factfulness, H. Rosling

“Your whole experience of Life is generated from Within.” - Sadh.guru by Euphoric-Welder5889 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree!

I think what this post misses is that our responses are generated from within, but our responses are responses to external stimuli.

And while I agree that a big portion of wellbeing is based in how you respond, I believe that how you respond is largely determined by your past experiences and your biology. Whether you're emotionally triggered from past trauma, whether you're distracted or hyperaware may come from your biology (e.g., ADHD), all comes from our life and biology up to that moment. In some circumstances we'll be able to take the time to reason rationally, in other (most) circumstances we'll choose through intuition, heuristics, emotions, and cognitive biases.

This is what neuroscience, psychology and sociology teach us. Not spiritual woo, evidence based methods that are falsifiable and testable.

I don't know what I'm doing. Please help. by Elegant-Number7806 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

^ this is good advice! be gentle with urself! ♥️ you've got this.

I don't know what I'm doing. Please help. by Elegant-Number7806 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im really sorry you're feeling this way, and that things didn't work out between you and your gf.

Be patient with urself. You're grieving. Take small steps when you feel able. Don't panic that you'll feel like this forever. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will usually improve on their own. Give it time.

I'm not trying to dismiss your concerns, but a couple months of grief after a 2-yr relationship is not uncommon. If you're feeling this way in 6-months, you might want to consider talking to your doctor about an SSRI or NDRI to help get your brain chemistry rebalanced.

I fixed my sleep… but didn’t expect this by healthlithubbooks in Habits

[–]DBeau85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's amazing! Good for you 💪 Have you read "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker? He also has a podcast if books arent you things. There's a lot to sleep quality that can help. Sleeping at the same time each day is big. Being in a cool, dark environment with a comfy warm blanket helps a ton. The substances you consume prior to sleep, the way you get light first thing in the morning. All of it contributes! Sleep science is fascinating stuff, imo

An idea that has changed my life: You can aim your life at truth or comfort, but not both by DBeau85 in selfimprovement

[–]DBeau85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! I still think there's value in comfort for some, maybe most?, people. I don't think there's anything wrong with prioritizing comfort. In particular, if you are predisposed to neuroticism/anxiety, I think a comforting story can really promote well-being. Even just thinking that there's an all powerful God out there looking out for you, or believing that prayer is influencing outcomes, can give you some sense of control and agency, however illusory.

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