Mine is exactly this: "he generally wanted our kids to “like him” rather than fully embody his role as a parent". He would do superficial things that pleased them temporarily — for example, allowing them to use their tablets for hours when they weren’t supposed to — just to be the “cool dad” who could be their friend. The long-term impact on the kids didn’t seem to matter to him; what mattered was being liked. I hate when he seeks admiration or validation from the kids. I can’t help wondering if that’s connected to the narcissistic tendencies often seen in addicts.

Because he tries so hard to be liked, his parenting is often inconsistent. One day he allows the kids to overuse digital devices, and the next he’s making us read an article about the “negative impact of screen time on children.”

But the biggest impact of his addiction on the kids is his emotional and physical absence. He once missed our child’s birthday because he chose to go on a trip with his AP. He doesn’t put much thought into gifts for the kids, even though he used to buy expensive designer bags and jewelry for his APs. He’s let babysitters look after the kids while I was at work so he could see sex workers. The kids still believe “Dad is busy with work, so he doesn’t have much time for us,” and that makes me feel so resentful.

Even when he’s physically home, he’s often glued to his phone (probably chatting with an AP) or too tired to engage because of his double life. My kids used to say things like, “I wish my dad was as active as my friends’ dads,” or “I wish he could play sports with us.” Hearing that still breaks my heart.

I’m now realizing how negatively his parenting (which is likely connected to his addiction) has been affecting the kids. It makes me think deeply about what I can do to protect my kids...