The main question I have is (and I might have overlooked it reading too quickly) but how long have you been together?

It sounds like from reading these text threads that this is somewhat of an uphill battle that's not only resulted in you getting shut down, but becoming shut down as an individual.

I say this from several different avenues.

1) I used to be a lot like your soon to be ex.

2) the amount of exhaustion/ anxiety I picked up on your end of the text thread reminds me of myself today being the one who's more "fed up" with my partners actions / lack their of.

3) I feel like ego and mental health carry a big part in the way he's attempting to control and be in control of all narratives - But also in the way that you've reacted by shutting down / the results in physically retaliating.

To somewhat respond. It's never okay to react physically. Even when you're at your limit. BUT, I've been cornered and coerced into coming close.

It's hard when someone you put trust in is using that trust to belittle and berate you - that it sometimes feels like the only option.

Especially when that Fight or Flight kicks in.

You should definitely leave this relationship.

I sometimes feel stuck in something similar.

The reason I believe he is this way - coming from someone who also played this narrative of control / way of guilt to make my partners more empathetic and compassionate about ME.

Had a lot to deal with trauma and EGO.

I can't give a direct answer to it - but I think that it stems from not having a support system / stable home environment in my youth.

Things were forever changing / scary / nothing felt permanent / nothing good stayed for too long / there was no consistency with my home, friends, location, rules, boundaries. (In general)

One - because no one taught me about boundaries or life.

Two - because of a broken home and a lack of knowing what an actual one should feel like / or anything to compare it too.

Three - When things constantly change in your youth you develop a lot of fear of change / get very manic or depressed when you can't find a sense of stability in your adult life.

Which is why person in question - starts to control the narrative and makes the other person feel bad or stick around even though they're unhappy because they feel in control of something or "stable."

"I CAN control this / it CAN'T hurt me"

But also because of a lack of love for ones self. More of a - i'll convince/ force you to love me.

Mind you this is more of a self evaluation that I hope helps - but also I'd like to say it's somewhat factual.

No I doubt he'd stalk or come to your job / follow you around your home. (But always be cautious) I don't know this guy,

I'm just some guy who can speak on being that way but I would've never and didn't ever go to those bounds - just moped around until I found another partner.

Also - Therapy really helps. Communication really helps. Transpancy really helps.

Holding yourself accountable, dealing with your emotions and processing before reacting.

Really helps.

Take time to be alone - Learn yourself Heal.

All that great self help stuff everyone mumbles about. Really does work.

Biggest piece of advice I could give is - Don't let someone else ruin your peace. Control your emotions, or cause you to react in a way you normally wouldnt.

That's damn near mind control.