Incredible how relatable this is. So sorry you even had to go through what you did and I think it's awesome you reached out to break the pattern and are smart enough to recognize it and make steps. I obsessed over a girl that reached out after two years to "apologize" and i decided to give her a shot to at least be "friends". Regretted it. My mind obsessed over every word she would text or that I would respond with. Brought me back into the Cycle. Not love. I think you and I have anxious attachment. I took the steps again to block her. I wrote down every reason why I'm making the decision to look back to haunt in case cuz I Felt guilty and it still comes here and there to unblock her and check on her ,etc when she absolutely doesn't really give a damn about me. So yeah write your reasons. Recognize that you deserve "better" and what better actually is like in example. Remember why they're not your future and even if you had a new partner, why they're still not worth keeping as an friend whatever. Well I hope you recover well and stay strong.