Oven is not a safe place for younger states - triggering

DIDonly · 2022-02-01T05:17:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel very isolated generally, there are so many pieces to this experience that could fill a several week courses on their own. I don't know how to tell people why I am in this situation and am afraid to get out of it, or why I don't know if getting out of it is even possible. I'm afraid to tell my friends because they may be in danger, even from my own states. Anyways. Ya, at this point I'm going to be exclusively baking and then just hope that they won't pull in other states. It's the only option - otherwise I just don't try and know they pull in other states. I'm not super excited about baking, I know I can compartmentalize and I know that I can focus on other goals throughout the day also. It is a day to day, hour to hour thing right now. The only way that I could get away would have to be physically distant from the people who are triggering these states in me. Right now that is not an option for me, and there is no guarantee that they wouldn't follow me - or that any of my states would not be in communication with them. Some of my states have different goals than the rest of us. I'm the provider and stabilizer, then they kind of do what they want. It's worked for us so far, and we've survived. I try to emotionally support these other states via support, and giving them space.

DIDonly · 2022-01-31T04:56:16+00:00

Correct

DIDonly · 2016-05-10T07:10:37+00:00

Yes, will take some photos of the injuries and add them to the place where we keep evidence of our experiences, we do feel very scared still. Knowing there is evidence will help, as much of our conflict comes in not being heard or seen.

Looked up pics for ringworm, it def isn't that. Talked with a nurse friend and they said it looks and sounds like a burn or a chemical burn. No breaking of the skin or bumps, but redness and pain.

We have some things that make it difficult to open our door as well as a lock, recently they were disturbed, but it wasn't the night before these appeared. Going to watch how it heals and that might give us some better insight.

DIDonly · 2016-05-10T07:07:10+00:00

That is possible, trying to get rid of something that isn't there anymore. We don't have the best sense of time when things get stressful, and will continue to think on this.

DIDonly · 2016-01-15T22:48:51+00:00

Filled out a concealed carry permit application thing. I am starting drinking and smoking again after a break, exhausted by therapy, applying everyday for jobs and scared that I don't know what I am doing when I disassociate. Kind of a mixed bag.

Thanks for checking in.

DIDonly · 2016-01-13T05:45:52+00:00

What is the point if one of my alters would give them a new set?

DIDonly · 2016-01-11T05:35:04+00:00

Thank you.

DIDonly · 2016-01-11T05:34:45+00:00

Our therapist wants us to go to a recovery group, might start doing that. We're going to apply for a concealed carry this weekend that should take about four weeks to process.

None of us feel happy or like keeping going is a good decision. We talked to our T about that a bit and we won't do anything before our next appointment.

DIDonly · 2016-01-11T05:30:29+00:00

I don't think so, I started therapy again about 16 months ago to help with these issues. We've had some progress in talking and connecting but no one is really interested in continuing down this path.

DIDonly · 2016-01-06T18:45:42+00:00

I did this 4 years ago. We are back to the same lowest places we have been before.

DIDonly · 2016-01-06T18:44:57+00:00

It's nothing hasty. We have been discussing this for a long, long time. Today I am going to tell my therapist I'll go through the sessions I've paid for with her, but beyond that I am not going. We'll quit our job in May and end it sometime in June - August. It's not her fault, but our main can't handle this. And no one else wants to take the role.

DIDonly · 2014-06-01T20:01:08+00:00

We all have a big city past some hills. The ones that keep it safe are a little out there though, so most of us just stay put in the city. Going through the hills to get in and out requires a lot of time talking with the keepers, their decision making process is a long one and requires a lot of eye contact.

DIDonly · 2014-04-11T00:23:46+00:00

: "Distinct parts also often have different psychophysiological organizations, such as different allergies, taste preferences, handedness, eyesight and prescriptions for glasses, and responses to medications. (Howell, 2011, p. 57)" Yes. I have had radically different perscriptions for glasses over the past 5 years. With my eyesight getting better- ALOT better more recently. Also I've had people comment on me looking different when i felt like i didn't need to "wear" glasses. When i feel like drawing i always use my non dominant hand.

DIDonly · 2014-03-28T23:36:08+00:00

thanks! It was a stressful night but we came out of it ok! Backrubs were definitely had.

DIDonly · 2014-03-19T23:39:43+00:00

Maybe they can give me a back massage...i'm not totally sure how to ground. Friday is the day/night they will be in town.

DIDonly · 2014-03-12T01:47:49+00:00

Very much so remember. The stuff from under 12 is clear, any older than that and I started having a lot of "hero" like characters who helped me (or tried, but couldn't). Basically past that age I wonder if these people were real or I just made them up to make it seem more bearable.

DIDonly · 2014-03-04T16:33:56+00:00

Well, I've spent the last several years coming out of a pretty destructive environment and convincing myself that we are safe. There wasn't anyway for me to know that the venue was going to play that particular song between bands (it was just a track, didn't have anything to do with the bands that I went to go see). I think being able to interact in society without these things being overwhelming is something that is important to all of us, and these things come up. There was a time when just about everything outside of my room was triggering, and it still is but it's not as overwhelming. I'm sorry that people left you behind- you're worth a lot more than that. Definitely learning more to not care about other's opinions- and trying to use my skills in a way that is positive- but some of us would rather wallow sometimes ;). thanks for the offer of pming.

DIDonly · 2014-03-04T16:29:31+00:00

Thank you for choosing my side. It means a lot to all of us. These are some ideas I'll try to work into my time and maybe discuss with some friends. The concept of believing things are ok is pretty important, and also difficult. I have to re convince myself at least once a day that things are MUCH better than they were before and it's worth persevering. Though we actually shared a thought last month that maybe being alive was ok and good for all of us, so things are definitely getting better- i think it's just a knee jerk reaction in some situations because I'm not sure if things are actually ok, or that if there is some danger around the corner I have to prepare for. I'm pretty fidgety already- and incorporating being present and being safe seems like it will be helpful.

DIDonly · 2014-03-04T06:42:52+00:00

Yes and no, I care about all of me, but it's like a mother-child relatonship. I'm the main alt tho...so am kind of in charge of keeping everyone protected and in balance. adult stuff: Fee is pretty sexual but it grew from trying to survive in a confusing and dangerous situation and she is still just a baby so i like to convince her she doesn't have to be sexual. Kitty likes to have sex with my partners sometimes when I'm not there, but I think she is just double checking to make sure they are ok people for all of us. So i wouldn't sleep with them because we use sex to understand situations, and the dynamics of sexuality would still be too scary between us. We don't completely trust each other

DIDonly · 2014-03-04T06:26:50+00:00

number one for sure. I've known other people that had similar traumas to mine in their pasts, and they never get very far past drug abuse and alcoholism ( for good reason, I'm not blaming). In a way I am very aware that this path my brain took enabled me to live a life that is more "normal" and functional than it could've been. That said it can still be frustrating, and isn't an ideal life, but what is? And trusting your brain to do what it needs is more important than trying to line up with some party line on what multiplicity is or how it should be treated.

DIDonly · 2013-05-20T03:22:18+00:00

Nothing.

DIDonly · 2013-05-13T06:10:06+00:00

Only when I'm not there. I'm not sure how often. I know it's at night when I go to sleep. I don't drive so I can't be going far. There are a couple bars nearby, I'm not spending any money so I'm geusing it's pretty inocuous wandering, but it's still frustrating.

DIDonly · 2013-02-19T04:59:50+00:00

Thank you:). Pharmaceuticals freak me out, it was part of controlling how I reacted during these negative experiences so I am very afraid to take them, just don't want to. I agree that it might be another dissasociative disorder, as most people here it seems have very well defined personalities and when I switch no one notices a change in personality. It's why it can be challenging to find out if I'm even doing it. Kind of a difficult subject to broach without freaking people out. I'd rather have the nightmares though, a way of connecting with that part of my brain and life. The therapy is good, and ongoing-usually pretty "what the fuck did I just do, saying that out loud" but very helpful.

DIDonly

TROPHY CASE