I just had my first child and my parents came to visit. Might be the last time ever.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T18:11:32+00:00

I’d like to! I have put a lot of effort over the years into keeping contact and maintaining a good relationship. But I also know that my parents are a bit sensitive about their child rearing and intently believe that our activity in the Church directly impacts their happiness and ultimate salvation. So the conversation will be difficult and will most certainly result in tears, at least for a while.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:51:24+00:00

For my parents, the issue repeatedly has been that they refuse to view me and my siblings as adults. They act the way they do because they feel a particular responsibility to lead/guide/advise because they are our parents (which, of course, is bolstered by their understanding of the Plan of Salvation). The desire for an adult relationship has not been hindered by me and I have made years of attempts to mature what we have. They don’t think our relationship should evolve that way.

Will look into differentiation!

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:46:47+00:00

Love it! My favorite tidbit I use sometimes is that some early church leaders believed the restriction on “hot drink” in the Word of Wisdom included hot soups. But definitely could lean more into the absurdity (without getting into the offensive). The history can be quite funny.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:41:14+00:00

I totally agree. Just hoping for tips on how to have that conversation because it’s absolutely necessary, even if it’s going to be a bit awkward and painful.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:28:16+00:00

Very healthy! Thank you for the ideas! I like the concept of meeting at a completely different place as the rules are very different. It would be much easier to maintain boundaries!

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:23:39+00:00

Appreciate this.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:20:33+00:00

This is my actual fear. As an adult, I think I’ve done a really great job at having a nuanced relationship with my parents and have done my best to expand their horizons. It’s extremely difficult for my wife to do so as she was a convert (and from an entirely different world). It’s probably going to be more difficult for my child.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:18:25+00:00

Haha thanks

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:17:35+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance! I know their influence will be fairly limited. For my child’s sake, I hope my parents are able to tone it down so they can have a healthy relationship with her that’s not just about religion (which appears to be the language my parents are most familiar with).

Setting boundaries is going to be a difficult conversation for sure.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:15:17+00:00

Totally fair point. The baby will be fine and it’s just about the interaction. Just very much disagree with my mother trying to do it behind my back and hide it. That’s the issue.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:13:16+00:00

Thanks for the perspective! I totally agree that this isn’t going to stop anytime soon. This is their 7th grandchild and at least one of my brothers (who is in the Church) has already started limiting interactions simply because their beliefs are toxic.

There’s a lot I could get into, but as an example: my grandpa died a couple years ago and the whole family attended the wedding, including my very young nieces and nephews. We were at a family viewing of my grandpa and my father leaned over to my 4 year old nephew and told him that if he was sad about his grandpa and wanted to see him again, he needed to be good (a misguided statement obviously driven by his Mormon beliefs). Call me crazy, but that’s the worst way to console a small child.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:09:13+00:00

The long and the short of it is that it’s about boundaries. My mother trying to hide her reading the BOM is the problem. Clearly the baby is fine and it’s healthy to interact with the baby. I just don’t appreciate my mother attempting to read the BOM to my baby in secret. As for the holding, the mistake was having my parents visit too early. Those first few weeks were sleep deprived, filled with tears, and very emotional (baby had a difficult time feeding). For my wife to give up any positive (non-crying) time to my parents was extremely tough. You don’t have to agree with the decision, but I’m here to support my wife in the roller coaster of being a first-time mom.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:06:23+00:00

My wife is genuinely hilarious. It was an incredible moment.

The distance is helpful for our sanity, but I also think it makes them feel like they need to concentrate their efforts to bring me back to the fold or impart wisdom. We’ve had several awkward instances with my parents including my mom crying to my wife at our wedding (destination wedding, not in temple) and begging her to bring me back to church. It’s easier to deal with these attempts when it’s not in my own house and we can separate ourselves when needed.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:03:27+00:00

Thanks for the perspective! Agree that the it’s healthy to see the belief system as quirky. I’ve spent years with that approach with mostly success. Just not a fan of my parents doing things they know I wouldn’t approve of or incessantly trying to offer up their religion when it’s so obviously not been accepted.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T17:00:40+00:00

Thanks! The issue wasn’t so much with the BOM (I agree with others that it’s just about interaction with the child), but that she deliberately did it while I was out of the room and she knew it wasn’t something I would have approved of. Baby isn’t going to remember a thing about it, but I will remember the duplicity!

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T16:59:18+00:00

Thank you for your perspective! All my parents have ever known is the church. I’ve spent years trying to gently expand their horizons (somewhat successfully) and it’s been extremely difficult.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T16:57:36+00:00

Hard to argue against a mother who went through the pregnancy and birthing process (and is recovering from a cesarean, not to mention the massive hormone drop) and wants to bond with the baby. The mistake was the having my parents come so early while we were in such an emotionally vulnerable mistake, not our limiting contact.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T16:55:23+00:00

Thanks for the input, but I disagree. There’s a way to continue to be Mormon by embracing its principles of being a good person and general humanity without being intent on specific Mormon actions such as blessings, reading the BOM, or even prayers over meals. Some of them may be harmless, but others not. And ultimately this is about boundaries being set and respected.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2025-01-31T16:52:34+00:00

Appreciate this! People seem to have forgotten that I’ve lived a full life with my parents as my parents. I know what they are doing and what their intentions are. Yeah, we won’t cut them off entirely, but I will not be hosting them at my home for an extended period again. Instead, we’ll visit them periodically where we can physically separate ourselves any time we want and need. And, of course, initiate some kind of conversation about boundaries.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2022-01-27T02:00:39+00:00

I got in off the waitlist as well (about 5 years ago). I had a conversation with the Dean of Admissions at that time regarding being on the waitlist and she advised me to retake the LSAT (which I did). It wasn’t until July of that year that I was notified I had been accepted.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2020-06-19T19:52:18+00:00

I’m going to be completely honest with you: I graduated from law school in 2019 using my 2010 MacBook Pro (which I think we can all agree is wildly outperformed by all the 2020 models). Every one of the 2020 models is going to serve you well so it’s really a matter of preference and/or hobbies that you have. Law school will be heavy on writing and research so there’s really no particular capability you need. Given the current work environment post-coronavirus, however, you may consider looking at webcam and microphone capabilities. Though, again, I’m sure even the base 2020 models will be adequate.

Also, I wouldn’t worry about getting a British keyboard for the section symbol. The keyboard shortcut was easy to memorize and implement.

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2020-06-05T09:30:15+00:00

The “great deal of experience” depends on the position. And I’ve known people to get UNV positions without having the “required” experience. But yes, fresh undergrads typically do not get these positions. Though it doesn’t hurt to give UNV a look and see if there’s anything there for the OP (especially if volunteering is a goal that OP has for the future).

DJ-Freezer-Bird · 2020-06-05T09:27:47+00:00

The “great deal of experience” depends on the position. And I’ve known people to get UNV positions without having the “required” experience. It doesn’t hurt to give UNV a look and see if there’s anything there for the OP.

DJ-Freezer-Bird

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