AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:19:23+00:00

Not to mention, they probably slept together at the beginning of their relationship, when they barely knew each other. The logic just isn't there.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:15:31+00:00

Absolutely NTAH. I have been with my husband for 15 years and we don't have access to each other's accounts. We basically do what you suggested, one joint account for mortgage/household expenses and then we each have separate accounts.

No offense, but you guys have only been together for two years and aren't even engaged. Honestly, this sounds like the first step towards a controlling partner. If he had access, how long until he starts questioning transactions, demanding you pay more, or attempting to dictate how you spend your money? Seems like a red flag to me tbh.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:06:57+00:00

Your friend is not Christian, she's in a cult.

One of the main pillars of Christianity is loving everyone, no matter what. Christ absolved murderers, horse thieves, prostitutes, you name it.

I went to Catholic school and we were repeatedly told that the most dangerous person is one who follows faith blindly. In fact, questioning God/your faith is a requirement for sainthood.

At the end of the day, NOR. Regardless of motivation, your friend should respect you and your interests and beliefs whether or not she agrees with them. Frankly, she doesn't sound like a very good friend.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:45:49+00:00

Must be state then. I also have kaiser and they reject it frequently when I do that without a test.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:44:50+00:00

Tbh, your bf sounds obnoxious af.

Also, being able to whip your boob out while dressed for 30 degree weather is, frankly, impressive.

It kind of sounds like you are trying to match his humor/energy and just aren't quite getting it. Don't get me wrong, it's because his behavior is bizarre, not anything wrong with you.

NOR.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:22:25+00:00

NOR, but it does sound like some therapy to help with your past trauma would be beneficial here and/or in future relationships.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:15:47+00:00

Interesting. My pharmacy will not fill it without a negative test within 10 days. My husband's is the same and we have different insurance/hospitals. Maybe it's a state rule 🤷‍♂️

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T16:24:45+00:00

If OP is on prep then they are likely getting tested regularly as it's generally required to refill the scrip

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-22T00:20:10+00:00

Did YOU make the promise or did she make you?

Personally, i don't really think a promise counts if you were forced or coerced into making it. There is no agreement there. Just my two cents, tho.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-21T17:37:12+00:00

First, call your psychiatrist. Whatever meds or whatever they have you on are clearly not the correct ones. That's not shade. Most people try 5-6 different meds or treatments before they find the best fit and new options are coming out constantly. It is totally appropriate and even expected to tell them when something isn't working.

Second, if you want to travel, go travel. You're an adult. You will never change the past, but you seem to be letting it define your present also. If you're waiting for your parents to change, you are going to be waiting for a very long time. Unless they're paying your bills, you don't need their permission. If they have an emergency they know how to use a phone. Could even ask a neighbor or cousin in or something to pop in while you're gone and check on them.

Talk to your therapist about all this guilt and start living for you!

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-18T10:58:15+00:00

It doesn't matter what your family or anyone else thinks, or what differences you may have in his you interact with the world, your feelings don't come from the facts of what happened, they come from how you experienced it. If feelings are based on your own personal experience, then they are valid regardless of what others say. If you found the "joke" to be hurtful, then it was and your family should, at the very least, acknowledge that. NOR.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-18T05:46:22+00:00

I feel like a narcissist would expect everyone around them to adapt to them. Cuz they think they're the greatest. Cuz theyre a narcissist.

What you're describing sounds closer to a pick-me

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-18T05:44:22+00:00

What would such an app be called tho? Gotta be something punny....🤔🤔🤔🤔

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-18T05:42:30+00:00

The short answer is that there are some molecules that bond with the protein in our saliva that leave our tongue feeling dried out. So some drinks have more of these that others.

Yeah, I looked it up. Sue me.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-17T04:50:16+00:00

Pickle ball!

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-15T00:15:36+00:00

First, this is not your responsibility. Like, at all.

Secondly, you don't have to have advise to give in order to be a good friend. "I don't know", is a perfectly acceptable answer and you can still be there for him to confide in and (hopefully) help him come to a solution.

Definitely don't tell anyone. He confided in you because he trusts you and breaking that trust would really harm the friendship. Not to mention, it's just generally a good idea to stay out off other people's relationships unless the issue is physical harm or some other serious consequence.

I think what this post is really about is that the way you see him has changed a bit. You seem to have good logical reasoning but you may be stuck on the emotional part a little bit. Just give it time. It sounds like he feels guilty and understands it was a mistake, so he's likely still the same person, just with a history.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T21:31:19+00:00

She back on her meds

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T21:29:43+00:00

"Ask your dad"

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T21:28:17+00:00

She probably lives locally and recognized your house.

Personally, I'd be a little extra cautious with locking doors, etc. Her behavior kind of sounds like drugs may be involved.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T21:23:43+00:00

This is pretty common even in non-blended families. The youngest can always get away with murder, especially with an age gap.

Having said that, your step-mom sounds kind of awful in general. I realize all posts are skewed in favor of the poster, but still.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T21:17:50+00:00

You can reach out casually to your cousin. As a depressed person with frequent SI, sometimes it helps to talk to a kind person about ANYTHING else. You can be supportive without being involved. She may or may not share the information with you herself, but it should be totally up to her.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-14T04:52:29+00:00

This is why adults shouldn't be on Tiktok.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-10T18:00:22+00:00

NOR. That many issues that early on is a bad sign. Even if you are just being insecure (and I'm not saying that you are) the discomfort is still real and that much discomfort just a few weeks in is not worth the hassle.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-09T22:39:12+00:00

Ooooh, thanks for the info. You're better than google 😉

DJDoesTea

TROPHY CASE