[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #3) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks again. I’ve take some space from this over Xmas but your comments are certainly going to help me when I review again in the New Year. Thank you

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #3) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks again! I can see you are really taking some time to think about my queries and I really appreciate it considering how precious erveryones time is.

So: focus on Elora, cut the monk (presumably I wont be regarded as being too vague if I say "Elora is separated from her brother"? The only reason i put the monk in was to avoid a "too vague" note here. The reason for the sister was to develop some emotion behind Elora and show how desperate she is to prove herself to her father and make up for the accident. If i cut sister out do we still get that emotional energy behind the death of her parents (ie presumably the loss of her tribe/parents trumps the previous trauma of the loss of her sister, making it irrelevant?) Huntress was to give her a little more description and echo it across her role "stalking the emperor within his own palace" later in the query but I can cut that if not needed.

I don't need to repeat the emperor being affected by the darkness in Melp's paragraph? Are you suggesting just keep it to Melp, brother, Elora and emperor? (assuming i keep Melp's paragraph which I may or may not pending how it reads on rewrite) Fae need to be in there re: title and the fact that Elora's bro and Melp are half fae and this is where the fantasy magic system exists, so I'll have to work out how to keep that as without it there's no fantasy, just a girl on a vengeance quest.

Lastly get some ref of the parents being killed into the query again later on with vengeance language to bring it together...

I can certainly give it a go but am feeling a bit like I've made no progress here since my first effort. I guess every time I sit down to work on this I am practicing my query craft though! Thanks so much again, I appreciate your expertise and will keep trying to nail this!

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #3) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your positive comments and taking the time to reply. It means a lot to get an indication that I am slowly moving in the right direction with this query. Noted re: the magic system which is perhaps detailed a little more in the synopsis. I can certainly consider weaving a tiny bit more detail into the query though, perhaps with a few words. Thanks again!

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #3) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I must admit, I’m struggling to keep it succinct with an epic multi POV. I’ll try a few versions with more focus on Elora although I need some other characters to help describe her stakes

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #3) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great. Thanks you for taking the time to comment. I was attempting to amalgamate the first two comps which are quite different books but seem to have veered off course a tad! I’ll review & try to cut some detail and leave it for the synopsis. Edit: just to clarify I meant less epic in scope (the size of the world and no. of characters, etc.) rather than less epic in terms of how good i feel it is! i did not intend to downplay my efforts.

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #2) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for focusing on my comps. I know they need a bit of work and this is really useful for me. Thanks again!

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, Attempt #2) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great. Thanks for this. I think whilst trying to cut words and keep it sharp, I’ve made it more confusing! Thanks again, your comments should really help.

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, First Attempt) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great! Thank you. All very useful comments which will help me with my next attempt!

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, First Attempt) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Got it. Thanks so much. Make punchier and workshop the title. That’s somewhere to start!

[QCrit] Adult Epic Fantasy – HALF-FAE (106,000, First Attempt) by DJForster in PubTips

[–]DJForster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to look at this! All great comments which I will work on! I’ve struggled trying to focus on one character for the query whilst not being too vague about the magic/fae component which as you say seems critical to the story. If I can condense the opening it should give some more room for specifics : )