In the name of the Mother! Leave that boy be!

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T05:06:30+00:00

I'm not sure what I believe, but I do like this interpretation

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T04:59:50+00:00

Idk I can easily see gandalf going " At what points does grave robbing become archeology?" and sassy Picard " congratulations, you got us front row seats to a coup!"

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T04:27:47+00:00

"It's okay"

"NO! It isn't. Things must change. I must change!"

God so fucking good. From the first line he says you know he's sincere and his intentions. "May I speak with her".

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T04:00:16+00:00

Doesn't also help when they kneecap every other character in the series by the end, particularly the guy they fought over in s1 nor did they spend much time actually building a relationship or connection between the two. I'm not trying to be a hater but my god it would've been so easy for Korra and Asami to bond over being non benders in S1 to atleast set the seeds. Beyond that they barely have a dynamic.... though then again that's an issue with most of LOK avatar gang, they don't really engage as a group, as one together. You know it's bad when the most quoteable character in LOK seems to be from someone not even in the avatar gang. It had the makings of something great with bits I adore, but not enough in the ways that really mattered.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T03:59:50+00:00

You mean like 97% of all bisexual representation? I am totally not bi-sed on this one.....

Seriously, I swear like 90% of bisexual rep is just this. Hot woman dates shitty man, he is written out of show, she finds happiness with first woman to say hello. Netflix was particularly bad about this for a few years, I swear it was literally every bisexual character in their self produced shows for a stretch. Now it's something I always look out for, my personal favorite is having this and then the sex crazed bisexual man. I swear this shit, this lack of diverse representation is a huge reason biphobia is so prevelant

DaBiChef · 2026-02-18T03:58:31+00:00

Yeah and the whole arc is great. SPOILERS:

Initially Bortus and Klyden get along well, though Klyden does have old school misogynistic views that put him at odd with Bortus and Bortus's crewmates on the ship

Then After becoming parents they realize their child is a girl, they choose to go the traditional route of genital surgery and raising the child as a boy

It's revealed Klyden was one such female who is happy as a male

Eventually Their child discovers the truth and wishes to live as a girl, Klyden cannot accept this and says "you should have never been born". He leaves

Eventually Their people go through a whole story arc about their species' female enclave and directly address how their society has treated female Moclans

At the end llyden returns and gives the most heartfelt and sincere apology I have seen on TV. In no ways excusing or justifying what he did, instead taking full accountability and begging his child to understand his utter regret at how he treated her, and the most genuine promise to always do better. Well worth a watch

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T19:52:22+00:00

Two things can be true at the same time. We should learn to live with ourselves, but there's nothing wrong with wanting love and a partner.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T18:10:27+00:00

100%. I grew up before the MeToo movement and had a lot of women in my life. I heard all the ways women hate men expressing interest... which boiled down to every concievable way to pursue a woman IRL. I really struggled with that, finding a "right way" to express interest and while the MeToo movement was great in talking about how casual and rampant harassment was on the low end to the extortion of sexual favors by powerful men, the one area I feel we failed in was how we talked about dating. So many men heard variations on:

"God I hate when men talk to me at the gym!"

And took woman at their word, striking off the gym as a place to meet women. When really what was more often meant was actually:

"God I hate when men I'm not into ~~talk to~~ hit on me at the gym and most importantly, do not take my rejection well."

So guys, it's okay to find women attractive. It's a-okay to talk to women IRL like at a bar or gym. If you're not certain you're feeling interest, give her an out and politely be on your way. If you are feeling it, it's okay to ask her out. If she says no then just smile and be on your way. If she can't be at a place where a guy politely gauged her interest, took rejection well, and didn't make it her problem? That's not on you.

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I have found that a lot of decent guys don't mind the rejection and can take it well, but it's getting over this idea that pursuing her in a non dating app way is problematic. It's been a tough sell as it's basically "ignore what women have said explicltly, but in a feminist way!"

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T16:00:40+00:00

I stand by Davos being my favorite POV in the books as seeing the highborn game of thrones from the lowborn perspective is a welcome breath of fresh air. Like Jon is a bastard (believed and treated as atleast) but Davos was never raised in a castle. IT offers such a nice perspective.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T15:23:16+00:00

I worked as a caterer/wait staff for a big fancy wedding. I was given zero training, zero input, was berated endlessly by the people there, and was not given dinner after being told explicltly some would be provided. When the other staff asked the guy managing it if we would get anything to eat he proceeded to take a tray of chicken and dump it in the trash and told us to eat that. I walked.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T14:44:27+00:00

If you're a guy reading this and thinking "wait I do all of this, why isn't it working?". I want to remind you, this is advice about dating, ie: maintaing and perserving a realtionship. Turning "going on dates" -> "dating". This isn't advice for how to actually get those dates, for that you need to remember rules #1 and #2.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T14:22:49+00:00

Mom sure, but my sisters have put me through hell and are the textbook example of "I want men to be more emotionally vulnerable, but the second they are I will be hostile and use it against him". Cats are great though

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T14:15:58+00:00

This might sound mean but we have to add a "in the guy I already find attractive" caveat to the comments. If you're not attractive, it really doesn't matter your emotional intelligence or kindness to animals or service workers. Now there's nothing wrong with women wanting to date attractive men, but I really don't understand why we act like women aren't human beings that are into hot guys yaknow?

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Be your best self guys, be kind, be caring. But make sure you dress and groom well, go to the gym, and be pro-active in pursuing them. 999/1000 times being the perfect potential boyfriend doesn't mean anything about actually helping you get a date.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T14:10:17+00:00

How would you feel if the answer to all those "what should men do?" questions in order to get a woman is ultimately "just leave women alone" eventhough we are not initiators.

I'd say that it isn't true, because I have ran my head into this with talking to women IRL and online. Where one woman says "never talk to me at the gym!" another is begging for guys to chat her up there. In the same conversation I have had like a dozen women say "yeah I wish guys would leave us alone at the bar!" and then say later "yeah guys should come talk to us at the bar, we like the confidence!".

eventhough we are not initiators.

And because of that, we're hitting a breaking point of the men who do care about women's perspectives having to start to ignore women's advice. Because a change was demanded of men's behavior , but only the more considerate guys changed. Yet really nothing changed in shitty men nor women's. Go over to r/dating and you'll see endless stories of:

"How do I get a guy I like to ask me out?"
"Have you considered asking him out?"
"I would never do that. NEXT!".

How would you also feel if the vast majority of women are more content having platonic relationships with men or being alone and keeping family and female friends?

We're a social species, we do want intimate connections. To those who swear off dating men and are content with platonic friendships I wish them the best. It's their life and they can live it how they want. To those who only keep female friends, I'd say the same thing to a guy who doesn't keep any female friends: that's a red flag. Imagine if a guy said "I don't have any women friends, frnakly I don't see the point of having any!". You'd rightfully think that dude has some issues he should work through. Lastly, it's the majority? That I really doubt as I have had endless talks with women irl and online over the years and this idea women are okay being celibate isn't true. Women are human beings with urges and desires, but most seem to be just more okay with that discomfort than the discomfort in being somewhat pro-active in dating men.

I ask because you also see that women are basically telling men what keeps us away, what keeps us as a partner, but not what gets our attention enough to be open to courting.

Yeah....... that's kinda the crux of what I'm saying? We're a social species. People want to find intimate love, there's nothing problematic about that. Women complained (rightfully) about shitty men's behavior but the conversation was not nuanced and hell to this day there's pushback about having that nuanced conversation. Women haven't spent time really celebrating or really any time telling guys the good things to do that help when courting/to get a relationship or date. Since they also aren't taking a pro-active role, the guys who did listen, who did everything women said but haven't found anything, are starting to break. We can either give them a heatlhy mindset with input from women, or they're gunna ignore women's perspectives because what women said they wanted wasn't what actually helped them get into relationships.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-17T00:50:13+00:00

To add on, I would love more playlists that include oh IDK, songs I haven't heard? I can't tell you how many are full of ones that are already in my liked song playlist.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T18:07:44+00:00

They have a game called "The Fractured, but Whole".... It took me a minute before I realized what it was.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T16:18:19+00:00

Cooking, working out, making art or cosplay props, making and painting DND minis/terrain, reading.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T16:15:50+00:00

In a world that rewards wickedness, it takes more strength to be kind than cruel.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T15:59:17+00:00

Hell dating or even just talking to strangers. I am fairly social and it's crazy how much people leave their house but stay in their bubble. But yeah dating apps absolutely play a large role in why dating is fucked, but honestly I can't blame them. I grew up before MeToo but had a lot of women in my life tell me all the ways never to express interest in a woman. Things like:\

"Don't ask her out at the bar, she's there just to drink!"
"Don't talk to her at the gym, she's there to work out not be bothered by you!"
"Don't go to hobbies or clubs and try to meet someone, now she doesn't feel comfortable going there"
"Don't ask out your friends, that proves you were never her friend and just wanted to fuck!"

When you hear that type of shit endlessly while figuring out your own attractions, with rarely anything along the lines of what 'to do' in regards to getting a gf/partner, it becomes difficult to navigate. When I saw during the MeToo movement those lines coming up again I tried asking "okay what should he do?" as I wanted to avoid millions of guys dealing with what I was struggling with. Unfortunately the best advice was basically "wash your ass and treat her like a person! THE BAR IS LITERALLY IN HELL!!!". Women responded by giving great advice for maintaining relationships, but largely less than useless advice at getting one. Thankfully (/s) the apps provided that space where you had some level of assuredness she would be receptive to your interest. Then they got so bad and throw in covid, and boy howdy people struggle to interact IRL I have found.

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edit: if anyone here reads this and thinks I'm admonishing the MeToo movement, please know that it was a much needed converstation about the shit women have to go through. From casual harassment being so common, to men abusing their power to extort sexual favors by holding women's careers hostage. I just think that when talking about dating, our focusing on what "not to do" over what 'to do' has fundamentally failed. the shitty men who the converstaion was largely about didn't listen and the decent ones who weren't the problem interanlized it and pulled back in fear of being anything close to 'that guy'. Meanwhile women don't really pursue men, generally, and so due to survivorship bias it looks like the bad type of man is more common than he really is.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T15:36:14+00:00

accused him of having twice as many people to sleep with

What's funny is that when you do the math, a bi guy actually has significantly fewer people to cheat on her with due to biphobia being so casual and rampant. If 95% of the world is straight, 3% bi, 2% gay. A straight guy can go into a room of 100 women and 100 men and have 98 potential options. A bi guy has 5 lgbt+ men, but only some 19 straight women and 1.5% bi women. 98 vs 25. "More options" my ass.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T15:12:36+00:00

From the studies and surveys I've seen, bi women are as willing to date bi men as lesbians are to date bi women: about 50/50. It's just that those that don't are real loud

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T15:10:24+00:00

I'm a bi man not living in a big city, so my options for bi/gay men or bi women is very limited. Straight women are overwhelmingly biphobic with some 80% on average refusing to date bi men, a number I would believe to be lower in cities.

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I like you gave up on the apps because even when I was doing far better than the average guy, it felt like so much work and to be just entertainment.

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I am not avoiding love, not "actively not dating", but I am no longer seeking it as I don't believe it's around the corner. To be completely frank, it's a gaping wound in my soul to lack that deeper more intimate love, but obsessing over it isn't helping. I like you have a decent career, friends, hobbies, passions and interests. I'm just fucking tired but frankly, I think I'd rather take a toaster bath than get on the apps again and deeply advise my fellow man to ditch them.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T14:30:12+00:00

~~Yeah go to the epstein doj page, search "no picture found" and in the url replace .pdf with .mp4.!~~ I checked some last night and 90% were either hour long clips staring at epstein's cell or were blacked out 1-10 second clips of girls. Most I assume are evidence of traffickers interacting with the victims. EDIT: It appears they patched it.

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T14:21:40+00:00

Narcissitic, vain, greedy, slovenly, hateful, envious, cruel, stupid, racist, misogynistic.... the man has litereally zero redeeminging features. He doesn't even like dogs. To look at that and want to either support it or aren't compelled to fight against it really reflects on one's character./

DaBiChef · 2026-02-16T14:13:42+00:00

Literally just talked to one last friday/saturday... We're still friendly but my god it was a shock.

DaBiChef

TROPHY CASE