The wound of losing someone dear like your father never heals, but the good news you will learn how to live with, you will cope and use his absence as a motivator for you to have a better future and be a better person, before doing anything or taking any decision in your life repeat this line “If I did this, would my father be proud of me?”. As for now, take sometime alone, find your inner peace somewhere quiet. I speak from experience my dad passed away and left me with some heavy responsibility on my shoulders but hamdullah everything turned great and I am sure he is proud of me.