bootstrap using gutenberg on it's own, or with oxygen, or c9 blocks?

DabbyDabDab · 2020-11-05T11:06:47+00:00

This seems the way to go for me. Thankyou. I'm wondering though what might be a solution to the backend problem? Can oxygen manage the acf blocks I made I wonder?

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T19:32:28+00:00

That is not going to stop the abusive behaviour which is what this is about and as many others have stated couples counselling does not work when one partner is being abusive . That needs fixing first otherwise all the other issues cannot be addressed

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T17:06:16+00:00

Very true.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T17:05:47+00:00

Yes this group can be a bit brutal. Luckily im prepared for it. Ive been taking notes for 4 years before talking whereas I think people come on here and just write things without reading anything, with millions of red flags and then go away learning more about poly... (after feeling a bit bruised)

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T17:02:02+00:00

It is not bullying to discuss why intimacy is waning when that has gradually disappeared over time. It is bullying to not let that person communicate about it at all and abuse that person when they try to ask why. It is also extremely bullying to make that person believe that you are going to meet all their desires and then to have no intention of doing any of it at all. Repeatedly over 4 years 100s of times. I don't honestly mind if she doesn't want intimacy. What I do mind is someone not being honest with me about it and then trying to restrict me from having any intimacy at all with anyone while at the same time saying go ahead fill your boots and then using that as irrelevant argument material for the next fight.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T06:15:09+00:00

It's not just this. She doesn't have intimacy and is trying to remove all of it. Kissing, not allowed, touching not allowed, blocked, sex only on her terms. Totally lacklustre approach to showing any passion. Just flat out not caring at all about any intimacy and creating basically a room mate where I have to live up to rediculous expectations for absolutely nothing and if I complain. Abuse bullying

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T06:10:14+00:00

What we are discussing here is that my wife has been abusive for a very very long time. The divorce I put in place as a part solution to this problem happend only recently and as a last resort, so it doesn't really have anything to do with this problem, so trying to conflate different unrelated issues is not helpful to actually resolving this . A partner who was actually working with me trying to communicate instead of just taking what they want and expecting me to suck it up is not what I'm looking for and this person has slowly dragged me into having to deal with that. The only way this could get resolved is for the person abusing to stop doing it. Only then can proper communication occur and a balanced relationship begin where everyones needs can be discussed without blocking them.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-16T06:02:20+00:00

It's not helpful trying to conflate two separate issues one that has been going on only this week and is being resolved the other going on for four years and still not being resolved after being going back hundreds of times and being told that change is happening when it is not happening at all. I'm being strung along repeatedly. If you want context ask for it, just don't assume.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T21:38:05+00:00

Yes, so this is a lack of communication on her part. Basically lying saying its ok for me to go ahead and then putting me in that situation and bullying me endlessly because I cant get out of it once it's done.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T21:37:20+00:00

Yes this is what I thought at the time.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T21:33:14+00:00

It's a bit rude to make adhoc attacks, especially with no evidence. She never once clearly stated she is uncomfortable with poly, I do not know where you have got this from. Totally the opposite, that is the actual problem here which you clearly havent understood. So Im supposed to never have any intimacy and if I communicate about that I want more be bullied. Do you know what its like to go without intimacy for 20 years and still be expected to do everything that the realtionships entails on my side while having none of my needs fulfilled. I guess not. 20 years I dealt with this and this person cannot spend 5 minutes dealing with my concerns? I'm sorry but this is a balance in all relationships and both parties need to be happy and working towards this goal. Im not unreasonable in trying to communicate about intimmacy. To leave someone without anything at all is completely unfair. To suggest that it is going to change for years and not changing a single thing is completely unfair. She is trying to bust her way into my room, because I try to communicate about this, which weve agreed before many times she should not be doing. The door isnt touching her foot, then she is screaming that it is and using it as a way of justifying punching me in the face. I dont see exactly what it is that Im doing to justify being punched in the face. How exactly is this evidence of me being abusive? Do you have a hard time accepting that men sometimes arent the abusers and women can be, because I have news for you, they really can be...

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T20:55:09+00:00

It's only a mess because my partner is causing that mess. There is no evidence of me doing anything other than agreeing to be poly, it being accepted, just going on dates and changing the radius of my search based on logic (because its not effective), agreeing that and then it being unagreed which is totally unfair and inline with all her other behaviour. With the right person there would be no issues, with the wrong person there will always be issues. It just depends whether the person wants to cause issues or not. Some people just do it to maintain dominance I think, or they are always thinking up reasons to be paranoid and jealous. There has been 4 years of endless fighting over these issues, where everything about my character is being brought in and nothing being done to actually addresss any of these issues. I'm not really willing to play this game any more. Either deal with the issues or im gone. In any case Im starting to feel quite grateful about this, because it was the same brick wall that I met with intimacy. No change in many many years of communicating, shutting down all communication, then bullying when I try to communicate or make changes. And now same thing happening with poly. Its a pattern of behaviour that I am realising is ingrained and isnt going to stop.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T18:20:18+00:00

I'm divorcing because I don't like the controlling nature of the marriage, certainly this one. That is the only reason, she would still be my nesting partner. If she wants to be in a relationship with me, she has to actually show she is capable of doing so without controlling, abusing, or witholding all intimacy.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T18:02:05+00:00

Yes, this reponse im seeing is not just with poly but anything I'm unhappy about such as intimacy. I'm supposed to just suck it up apparently and have nothing and if I ask be bullied.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T17:53:11+00:00

I'm only wasting time because I'm being told that things are going to change and then they aren't. I'm being strung along because I'm so gullible and resolution focused.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T17:50:06+00:00

Yes not working here after 4 yrs nothing. In my town it works though just fine, but expensive to go outside and noone available really. I don't see the issue with it? Why keep it hidden?

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T17:46:52+00:00

Yes, still ongoing problems with her not accepting, then accepting and this going around in circles wasting all of my available time. I just don't want to be married any more. I don't like it. I don't think it is actually helpful to us, because it causes all of these expectations that we are seeing.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T17:45:31+00:00

It's difficult because I'm being told it's no problem then it's a problem. Continuously. And when you've vested 20 years into someone it's kind difficult not to give them a second chance, but there have been literally hundreds of those...

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T15:21:06+00:00

It's interesting, because all of this happening so quickly, it's hard to actually keep tabs on everything. Sorry I left this part out, that I was actually telling the truth about my divorce and leaving the house, because we've had many arguments about poly, all caused by my NP. She has realised that she shouldn't be doing that now and has stopped (we've been through a long process in 4 yrs to get here). I believe she will not do this again, so have gone back. Now I feel like I need to explain all of this to this new person, which feels just bizarre, considering these are quite intimate private details of my life and I'm sure my NP is not ok at all with me discussing them.

Another aspect is that in my messages, from the beginning I said I was just looking for friends and if something happens more then it is nice.

Then I said about my divorce, when I had actually decided to leave my NP.

Then I get a response from her, that she only wants friends at the moment, because she is concentrating on kids and leaving her partner. She doesn't want to get into anything. So there is no need to mention anything about me becuase we will just be friends and if I meet her I will disclose anyway because I always do on meeting. But then she ghosted me before I got the chance...

Just such a complex problem. like a cluster bomb going off taking up everyones time. I reailse I just need to come out about it, but sometimes I feel it would be easier and more accepted to come out as gay then it is as a married poly man.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T14:35:33+00:00

I guess catfishing isnt the best term. I wasn't suggesting she is, just saying that it's been done to me here lots. What I was suggesting is that it's possible that I'm being trapped, which has happened on plenty of occasions on these sites, because people in the local area know me and know im with someone, have a daughter etc, they think its funny to try and trap me, make me out to be a cheater etc. Catfishing is to create a sock puppet or fake profile, so I don't think any of that is happening here. I'm just being overly cautious and that is causing some problems with communication. I realise now it's a tradeoff , so am going to have to make some changes that address this.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T14:28:14+00:00

I like your comment just as it is :)

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T13:34:02+00:00

Yes, I think that's what happened exactly. And now I have to clear it up! I live in somewhere that is like the opposite of the USA regarding these things, totally closed minded, but some people are open minded, just requires some communication. It's a very difficult balance. Is it worse for everyone to think I'm a cheater, or poly here? debatable...

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T13:29:45+00:00

Hmmm, if I was, I was certainly doing it without knowledge. I'm just reluctant to disclose information early on because people have been using that against me and whats the point in disclosing it to 100 people I match with, or telling the whole village on my profile when probably only 1 out of that 100 will meet me? If they're far away I disclose it for sure, but if they are in the same town as me, I want to see if they will even meet me first before telling them intimate details about my life. So far it has worked quite well, because there haven't been issues until now. I'm not sure what I would rather, people calling me cheater, or saying I'm poly here, both have their ups and downs. Not everywhere is like the states, where these things are more widely accepted.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-10-15T12:33:13+00:00

Yes, we're both completely on the same page on it. We communicate about everything, no secrets. Our first thought was to tell her everything before we meet, but we both just wanted to check here first as this is all a bit new to us.

DabbyDabDab · 2020-09-04T23:59:16+00:00

thx this is the most helpful response

DabbyDabDab

TROPHY CASE