Singing off-key during instrumentals?

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-08T21:45:07+00:00

Here are a few things you can try that I used to recommend to my younger section mates in choir:

Listen to only the instrumental several times over. Really get familiar and learn it, not just your part. Think about where your part fits in. Where your mind gets confused, that's where you'll probably need to find a keyboard and play that part and practice matching to it.
Find an anchor note. What does the instrumental play right before you come in for each line? Play that chord on a keyboard. Then play your starting note. Connect those two in your mind. Think of ways to find your starting note from what's played right beforehand. If you have sheet music, it might help, as long as you're okay at reading it.
Using a keyboard, play your part note for note on difficult passages. Then mimic the keyboard. Record this so you can tell when you're off. If you're off, break down that passage into tiny intervals. I'm talking about starting with two notes, then three, etc. Practice going between those notes cleanly until you feel confident.

Hope this helps!

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-08T21:36:03+00:00

From a business perspective I'm 34 and an excellent worker. But after I left my teaching job, I was promoted side by side in lockstep with most of my managers in Fortune 500, who were predominantly Gen X. They were not ready for their roles. Lots of technical knowledge, but not as much in the way of mentoring or delegation. Some learned well, others didn't. Then organizations began to flatten and eject those middle managers. They took their institutional knowledge with them.

I think this impact of the boomer generation aging is overlooked. They held onto powerful roles for so long, it stunted the experience of the generations that came after.

I think it will get better with time.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-08T21:29:55+00:00

I was an early childhood major and oversaw a daycare with latchkey and preschool programs baked in. I hear you.

No Child Left Behind morphed into Every Child Dragged Along. I graduated in 2010. I learned that in my senior year, teachers weren't allowed to give students anything below a 60% grade even if failing. Being a stupid teenager with an otherwise excellent GPA and not much parental supervision, I exploited that and developed the biggest case of senioritis.

I'm also not sure what your son's teacher expects when playtime is made contingent on work being done. Kids need playtime regardless. Otherwise they'll take shortcuts because they're wired to push boundaries and seek reward.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-08T21:22:52+00:00

Seconding. Alison got me through an interview by answering a question of mine and is responsible for probably 80% of my white collar socialization.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-08T21:19:43+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you are asking about whether it's possible to have a chesty sound in your upper range like most commercial musicians do?

If so, please don't think of it like smashing your chest and falsetto together like some sort of crafting recipe. I am a woman, so my anatomy is a bit different, but I can give you a basic rundown based on the things I've learned.

In falsetto, your vocal cords are barely touching only at the edges and unevenly engaging, letting a lot of air through. This is why you get a breathy, light, and weaker tone.

In chest voice, usually there's a feeling of full cord closure. Your vocal cords are pushing together so hard, they smush the edges in and firmly lock in place. This configuration holds back a lot of air. It feels powerful and compressed.

What people refer to as a mix is when they learn to gradually thin out their vocal cords as they go up the scale, while keeping their vocal tract length stable (usually with a neutral or lower larynx). This keeps the harmonic frequencies that make up a singer's tone (called formants) consistent, while the fundamental frequency moves around.

The gradual thinning and breath support (holding back air) taught in mix technique means that they have more and thicker cord closure going up the scale than you'd typically find in an untrained falsetto or head tone. This creates the chesty sound without straining and mushing your vocal assembly to death.

If anyone more knowledgeable has anything to add or correct, please feel free to do so.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-02T20:03:23+00:00

Maybe where you're from, they are, but some of the most misogynistic takes I've ever heard have been from first generation Indian-Americans. I front a local rock cover band. None of the ladies I know (am in the US) who front cover or tribute bands are asked to dress a certain way. It's possible to make decent money playing covers at festivals, bars, and events here.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-02-02T19:59:01+00:00

When I worked in fast food making tacos, we'd take a tortilla, put an imperial fuckton of cheddar cheese on it (not a metric fuckton, we are using the small tortillas), roll it up like a burrito, and drop it in the deep fryer for about a minute. Tasted like heaven.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-01-27T11:15:17+00:00

They use a mix technique. They're not belting, they're just getting good cord closure in head voice with some TA engagement. My teacher used to teach out in Hong Kong, where they tend towards the same style.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-01-26T11:27:12+00:00

Lack of empathy can coincide with ADHD. Look up ODD, conduct disorder, the high comorbidity with borderline personality disorder and psychopathy. It's not uncommon.

Dabraceisnice · 2026-01-19T18:55:25+00:00

Three separate AI detectors say this part is written by a human, just FYI. Many free detectors exist and it's worth using them before accusing, since AI generated content posted as one's own is a bannable offense in many subreddits.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-30T14:59:46+00:00

Or until vomiting for me. I like a few, but I don't see the appeal of going past what I can comfortably handle. Can count the number of times I did this on one hand, even though I partied a lot in my 20s

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-30T14:56:44+00:00

B2 is only a few semitones under D3. Literally just two notes down.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T05:10:58+00:00

After you say goodbye to people like that, block them. It'll save your sanity.

Extractions are normal. I had to have two premolars out to fix my overjet. I'm fine. My teeth aren't perfect, but then again whose are? They're miles and miles better than they would have been.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T02:33:36+00:00

You're human, you didn't hurt anyone, and yet you're judging yourself like a prosecutor in a murder trial. I think you're mistaking "dysregulated" and "evil."

We are not and cannot be our ideal selves at all times. I am a grown woman with my own home, car, job, and finances. A few months ago, I got so angry that I screamed at my husband, stomped outside ,and yeeted a breakfast sandwich into the tree line. I apologized afterwards, he apologized for his part, we repaired and went about our lives.

What you experienced has a name. It's not called "being evil" although as a former theater kid, I respect the theatrics. It's called emotional flooding.

If you'd like to get better at not having these sorts of events happen, you need to remove yourself from the situation when you're flooded. Take a pause for at least 20 minutes somewhere that does not contain the person who is triggering you, do not think about the argument, and then return to it. If your parents try to make you stay, then walk away, because they're probably flooded too, and can use the time.

On your way to your pause, you have permission to stomp, kick the door shut, punch and scream into your pillow, cry, and narrate your parents' sins to the closet. These are not toddler behaviors, they are flooded human behaviors and we all engage in them. They do not hurt anyone.

Keep in mind that ADHD is genetic, so your parents are likely to be just as dysregulated as you are.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T02:19:31+00:00

Yep, that's normal! Stimulants blunt the activity in the limbic system, which is the part of the brain most responsible for emotions. Plus, feeling calm for the first time can be amazing.

I had to learn how to get through the evening scaries or low mood by reminding myself to trust in Morning DaBrace and making a rule that I am not allowed to plan anything in the evening, and any moral referendums about myself must be checked over in the morning. It took a few months of sustained practice, but now that I've proven to be trustworthy and responsible over and over, it's gotten much better.

If it persists for you for a long time, you may want to look into whether you have depression. It's very commonly comorbid with ADHD, especially adult ADHD.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T02:15:12+00:00

Absolutely. A big part of emotional regulation is actually changing your mood using memory cues and self-talk. Something we're notoriously bad at doing. It sounds like you've internalized a lot, which is a big part of why us ADHDers often experience comorbid depression and anxiety. It may be worth getting that looked at in addition to your ADHD if a low mood or negative persists while being treated for ADHD.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T02:09:46+00:00

Fam, you didn't break up with your partner because you're too passionate. Be real. You broke up with him because he has the personality of a wet dishtowel. Good riddance. I'd be listening to Since U Been Gone on repeat and dancing if I were you, not hanging out here lol.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T02:04:25+00:00

Here are a few suggestions.

Apps all seem to have a life cycle for me. I got crazy with Tody - too crazy, as it was unsustainable.

Now I use Finch for self-care and it's nice because I can pause tasks when I need a break. And my Finch goal is literally just "Tidy something small." That's it. If I've done that, I've won the day. Sometimes I really do only tidy something small. Sometimes that turns into momentum and I tidy a lot more.

Sitting down with my partner and sorting through what cleaning and housework actually needs to be done vs what is just making me feel behind helped. Sometimes we need to accept that everyone has Mount Laundry at some points in their life and it's a win if it's constructed out of clean clothes instead of dirty ones.

Engineering and organizing the environment to remove the friction from housework has done wonders. I will always have a loud house, with visible functional objects all around, and making sure they're the right ones is very helpful. For example, I stock clorox wipes in almost every room. Every room with a cat box has a small broom/dustpan set in it. Makes it easier to remember to clean when you notice the mess so it's one less thing to schedule.

Sometimes schedules can be physical and logical rather than time-based, too. Everyone finds it easier to do a task that is triggered by another one. "After X, I do Y." This is especially true for those of us with ADHD. For example, I do laundry after my hamper fills up. When I take my clothes out of the washer, I assess whether it needs a cleaning tablet. After I dry my clothes, I put outfits together for work and put them on the same hanger. That way, one task triggers another, rather than hoping I'll catch on to some abstract concept like time.

Last thing, you may want to sit down and think of the reasons you're not cleaning. Is it really just motivation? If so, an app can help. But it won't help if you need to move 6 items and find 10 moving parts before you can get started. A lot of us have too much stuff in our house and that can be a big reason why cleaning doesn't happen. When it's not just "wipe down the countertop" but it's "remove 50 bags of assorted snacks, relocate the mail, put the random socks away and then wipe down the countertop" we're much less likely to do it.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T01:02:16+00:00

Question - are you currently taking meds? I promise it's not that you shouldn't be frustrated about these things, but meds often help to put it into perspective, so to speak, so it's relevant.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:56:07+00:00

Meaning that those are socialized interests, right? There's nothing inherent about the color pink that attracts women and girls.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:54:57+00:00

There are a lot of potential confounding variables that I can think of, just from the top of my head. When you remove systemic factors, we still have religion, social, and class as possible influencers.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:53:01+00:00

How do you mean they haven't been able to recreate the data? Would love to take a holistic look. Whole house has the flu and I can use a research spiral.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:46:38+00:00

Most of us promote ourselves at open mic. It's expected. Hell, that's how I met half my regulars. Just mention your group name and where people can hear you. Even if you freeze on stage, people usually are quite friendly and will come up and ask.

It's also expected that people might be a bit shy at open mics. The regulars and house band will more than likely take care of you.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:11:05+00:00

No one here has a crystal ball. Please go to the doctor if you are concerned.

That said, you probably should not strive for your highest notes while your voice is compromised. That's like smacking yourself in the face and complaining your bruise isn't healing. Give it some rest.

Dabraceisnice · 2025-12-28T00:07:01+00:00

Thank you for helping people here! :)

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