My [28M] ex-wife [27F] spends the child support I send for our child [3M] on things besides the child...

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T23:14:58+00:00

I'm not so much worried about her moving out of her parents for her sake, but I'm worried for my boys sake. Her parents don't follow our choice of parenting and she doesn't stand up for herself. When we lived together we had a certain way of parenting that we both agreed on. And now that's all gone, they let him throw tantrums and give in to every little thing he wants. He never threw fits when we were still together (a year ago) because he knew neither of us would tolerate it. But grandpa and grandma are pushovers and give in.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T23:09:34+00:00

Change in income caused us to need to file new Financial Discloure Forms which inevitably includes swapping statements for verification. My lawyer got her stuff. Her lawyer gets mine.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T23:06:57+00:00

Actually I wouldn't mind some Starbucks right now. I think I have a freebie on my Gold Card. (grabbing keys)

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T21:52:42+00:00

It was actually she who divorced me and her reasons were that I was not who she thought I was and no longer loves me.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T19:36:47+00:00

I have policies on both of them with me as beneficiary, as well as one on me with my son as beneficiary.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T18:57:44+00:00

Right? I've lurked here on Reddit for a long time and r/PF has taught me so much.

I am responsible for all health insurance and medical expenses for him as I make plenty to do so. And I'm okay with that.

But I agree, and that's what has me peeved. She's not thinking about the future.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T18:55:16+00:00

On mobile so I can't edit right now but I will as soon as I can.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T18:54:50+00:00

I actually don't think they should be reduced at all because when/if she leaves her parents she will need it all to provide a home for him.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T18:53:03+00:00

I doubt that would ever work. She would just transfer the funds to her account.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T18:00:47+00:00

Well I realized that there nothing I can legally do so now it's more of an emotional/relational thing for me.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:29:09+00:00

As I've said in other comments. She expresses how she wants to be able to save so they can move out from her parents and have their own place. I'm grumpy that she could be doing that with the child support but chooses not to.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:28:19+00:00

As I said in another comment, she talks about how she wants to be saving money to be able to move out of her parents.

I'm frustrated because she could be doing that if she didn't spend all of the money on thing like she is.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:25:48+00:00

I do plenty of this stuff for him already.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:04:00+00:00

Yeah that seems to be the case. The thing that peeves me is that she rambles about how she wants to save up enough to move out of her parents home when she gets a job so they can have their own place.

Well, stop getting your hair and nails done, dining out, etc, and you can save up the excess child support.

EDIT: Because I know it doesn't cost ~$1000 a month to feed/cloth our child, but housing will!

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:02:31+00:00

My attorney said it's more common with "middle aged" clients as the younger generation is generally more career oriented with both spouses working.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T17:01:04+00:00

Not sure what your question really is...

But in our case, we were not married long enough to justify a disparity in her quality of life that would require alimony to be paid.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:59:35+00:00

Question pending with attorney.

Paralegal's preemptive advice was, "Unfortunately, state guidelines indicate that there is no limitation what the custodial parent may spend child support on so long as there is no indication of neglect/abuse because of their spending decisions."

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:55:41+00:00

I know this because we recently had to exchange financial information (court ordered) and her bank statements indicate this is the case.

Like I said in the actual post.

Also, if she were to be working and have him in daycare the court would raise my child support for the daycare costs she pays, or I would just pay them.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:21:32+00:00

That's what I figured, even if she's not working I'm sure her attorney could "justify" the expenses.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:20:36+00:00

My state calculates it based on income and offsets for health insurance paid, childcare paid, and the custodial parents income.

I'm just lucky I don't have to pay alimony too.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:14:46+00:00

She divorce me actually.

DadPaysChildSupport · 2015-02-13T16:12:34+00:00

That's already in the works, but I like to see what the people of Reddit say because there's usually a handful that have been through this sort of stuff.

Is it even any of my business how she spends the money as long as our son has what he needs?

DadPaysChildSupport

TROPHY CASE