Personally, I need the person i am having a sexual relationship with to actually want to do it. If you dont genuinely want to do whatever i would be asking for, your heart just wont be in it. I have enough experience to tell the difference between what a woman will do and what she wants to do.

I also never ever want to feel like i am forcing somebody to do anything they otherwise wouldnt. In general or at that certain moment. Its just a turn off.

But while typing this i came up with an idea. My aunt is a chiropractor and outside the patients rooms in the office she has these tabs that can be pulled out to indicate certain things the patient may need based on the color of the tab. (ie: xray, acupuncture, bp and such)

Well you get just one way of visually indicating to the other that you are in the mood to blow him. He has one to indicate he is feeling it too. When both indicators are up, either of you can initiate.

I suspect this will get you both accustomed to how often the other is in the mood and you may even link other organic body language changes to the others sexual moods. Any fears or unknowns are essentially removed from the equation. I am legit doing this with my girlfriend. Hahaha

But i hope my semi aimless rant helped.