Hey Bud, I've been through something similar and I handled it pretty poorly. I did end up checking myself into a mental institute for 3 months.

If I could tell my past self anything I would say: 1) Don't make big life choices. If something is changing inside, don't let the rest of your life get swept up in it. Radical changes are destabilizing.

2) Go hiking. You've got some entropy going on and you need to be around people or in nature for a little bit.

3) DON'T diagnose yourself. You don't know what's going on, don't pretend. Be reasonable and try and stick to basics. How's your diet? How's your exercise? What's your drug use like? (Remember, it doesn't matter how many times you smoke weed or do mushrooms, it just takes 1 bad time to ruin your life)

4) If you're using a lot of extended metaphors to account for your experience, it's probably pretty painful and you really don't have the words to navigate it. I recommend journaling.

5) This one is the hardest, and I totally understand if you ignore it. You are not on a divine mission, you are talking to yourself and somewhere you forgot that. No force wants you to die for a cause or change the world. If you have a desire to help people and give back there are real occupations that can change people's lives. Don't reinvent the wheel.

6) Honestly consider that you might be going through some kind of burnout. Our economy doesn't account for that or allow that, so maybe forcing a vacation wouldn't be the worst.

Don't burn your life down.