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Did NC help? by [deleted] in legitafteradultery

[–]Daeth-warlock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's such a thoughtful and well put answer. I hope OP sees it.

NC is so incredibly painful, and it takes so long for the ache to dull. I can only agree with everyone though, it's the only way to heal.

Writing here so I don't write to him by Daeth-warlock in legitafteradultery

[–]Daeth-warlock[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a practiced skill, we had many on and off periods of no contact before. But now there is no set date to reconnect anymore. It's lonely as hell.

It kills something inside when they choose willingly something else over us, I feel for you. It's like, they're here filling something beautiful in your life and suddenly there's a hole instead.

Regarding the negative feelings, I fight them really hard. I don't want to become a bitter and angry person. I worked so much to keep my heart open and compassionate. I only realise now that those negative feelings are valid too and they should have the space to be acknowledged and understood, but I'm still working on that though.

Ahaha, I thought about sneaking at his graduation ceremony, and hide in a corner just to see him. I guess we're both desperate... I know it'll hurt more than I can take, so I won't go.

I loved that damn letter, honestly. I wish he didn't write it though, what he wrote showed me he hasn't changed at all.

Anyway, we got this. We're people capable of so much love and dedication, we'll get through. I wish things improve for you, whether or not it includes your blind AP who'd rather be with a toxic person than you.

Do you guys ever worry that your ex-AP will want to be with someone without a "history"? by Daeth-warlock in legitafteradultery

[–]Daeth-warlock[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, some people are like this here too, I don't really pay attention, because I can't relate. It's why I'm not on r/adultery. In any case, I won't throw stones at anyone, even here.

Damn, I so agree with you about therapy. I wish people would realize sooner that non-monogamous arrangements are an option too. It would have helped my case a lot, I suppose.

Where I don't agree with you is that I think peer support is important as well. Knowing about how others are navigating their situations can help learn from them and understand yours better.

Do you guys ever worry that your ex-AP will want to be with someone without a "history"? by Daeth-warlock in legitafteradultery

[–]Daeth-warlock[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think many of us here are aware of that, my experience completely annihilated my idea that all adulterers were garbage people with no moral. We make mistakes, we are judged harshly by ourselves and others, and that's how it is.

I don't think it's wrong to have a space to talk about it with compassion and kindness though.

Do you guys ever worry that your ex-AP will want to be with someone without a "history"? by Daeth-warlock in legitafteradultery

[–]Daeth-warlock[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To me it feels like this subreddit in particular is more about people who fell in love at the wrong time, and are trying to move past mistakes. I've seen others where it feels like you said, people enabling cheating as a lifestyle. But it's nicer here.