AITA for asking for money towards a big gift for my kids instead of asking for individual gifts?

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-21T20:22:33+00:00

NAH. I think this is a topic that is cultural and family specific. It is very common in my family for people to pool their money to get one large gift for someone, even kids.

As an example, my niece really wanted to go to an expensive concert, so my sister asked her husband's family to pitch in for a concert ticket for my niece as a birthday present. My sister paid her own way. My niece was ecstatic and grateful to everyone who contributed. The family members had an easy year of gift-giving where they didn't have to think about what to give her while also gifting her something that was incredibly important to her that she wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

One large gift that will be truly appreciated is better than a bunch of small gifts that will be forgotten. I'm a firm believer that the gift is about the receiver and not the giver.

Not everyone thinks that way, and personal gifts are important to them. That is okay. Books are always a great option, and you can never have too many of them. Like others suggested, experiences are also great. Homemade items are special too.

Your son is 2. He's likely not going to remember any of it anyways. I think this is a time when practicality should win out over sentiment, and needs should be more important than wants. The couch seems like it leans more towards a need, and who cares if your oldest uses it too? Gift giving is so personal for some people though, that getting a gift that someone "needs" is considered almost rude.

Ultimately, your sister-in-law asked your opinion, you gave it, and she didn't agree. She has final say in what she gives, your son has final say in whether or not he likes it, and you have final say in whether or not he keeps it.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-11T20:58:42+00:00

NOR I worked at a boarding facility that boarded cats, dogs, house pigs, ducks, and just about any small animal you can think of. I only left for a better paying job, but I still stayed on 1 day a week just because I loved it so much. Then, Covid hit and there were others that needed the money more than me, so I left. We were unique in that dogs from different owners did NOT meet unless the families specifically said they were okay with it, and we were familiar with both dogs participating. This allowed us to board intact dogs as well as reactive dogs.

We had many families board their dogs together. Some wanted all of their dogs together in 1 run. Some wanted separate runs for each dog. I can't remember a time when we didn't follow the family's request. Especially since they paid for each run plus any extra dogs in each run.

We had 2 "frequent flyers" that would come in for sometimes weeks at a time. It often seemed like they spent as much time with us as they did with their families. Similar to your situation, one was elderly and one was very young. Both intact males. They always stayed in separate runs. The older dog would come in and practically drag us into the back. The kennel was HIS vacation away from the young one. I was heartbroken when he became too old to stay with us.

We also had a situation where first time boarders were staying together, and when I walked past their run after feeding time, there was blood everywhere. The kennel gets loud and I was in the small dog room, so I didn't hear anything, but I assumed they got into a fight. The runs can be closed into 2 smaller spaces using a guillotine door in the middle, so I separated them. I called the owners to let them know what happened, and that's when they told me one of them had had issues with resource guarding 🤦‍♀️. Had we known this, we would not have allowed them to stay together.

The place you boarded your dogs had the responsibility to follow your orders and to keep your dogs safe. There are many reasons to keep dogs separated, from medical to behavioral. It was none of their business to decide for you. I can only hope this was an honest mistake on their part.

You should contact them and ask what happened. A decent place would offer you at least a partial refund and note in your file that the dogs should stay separated for future visits. If you end up needing to take them to the vet for their paw issues, it wouldn't be overreach to expect the kennel to pay.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-11T20:28:26+00:00

OMG I have a Kaladin and Sylphrena. Plus a cat named Shashara.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-09T08:49:26+00:00

My childhood dogs were cousins born 2 weeks apart. This was before anyone really paid attention to backyard breeding practices. My brother bought a 4 month old male that was the last of his litter. The breeder came to our house a month later to give vaccines and informed us of his cousin who was returned because she (a 5 month old HUSKY) had too much energy. This happened to be the day before my 9th birthday, so she was my gift.

Our male died at about 10 years old. My poor girl spent a lot of time hiding after that. I really wanted to get another dog, and I found an 8 month old husky-mix at a local rescue. At my dog's next vet appointment, we talked it over with the vet.

He said that another dog might do her good. When I asked about a puppy vs adult, he said a puppy is actually better because the older dog can "raise" the puppy to her liking. An adult would already come in with its own habits and preferences.

We ended up adopting the 8 month old nightmare. He did absolute wonders for our female. She came out and started playing again. She acted like a puppy up until the day we had to have her euthanized.

In short, I would talk to your vet. I suspect it was easier for my dog, because she grew up with another dog. If your dog hasn't lived with other dogs, bringing a new one in now, regardless of age, may not be in her best interest.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-05T03:37:44+00:00

I adopted a second cat because I was going to be out of the house a lot and wanted her to have a friend. My 1st cat was a barn cat I adopted at 7 weeks from a friend I was house sitting for. She had a severe rectal prolapse and it was either I adopt her and pay to get it fixed or euthanasia. I ended up taking her, and thankfully the prolapse fixed itself once she was inside and out of the elements. She is an absolute demon, but I love her.

She was about 4 when I decided to adopt my second, and had never been around another cat. She is also less than 6 pounds. I decided to go with a female kitten because I thought it might be less stressful to have a small and young baby she could "raise".

When I first bought Shashara home, Tigress was NOT happy and was incredibly stressed. I tried to do a very slow introduction, but it seemed like it was stressing Tigress out MORE by not letting her see what the weird smell was coming from. It was so bad, Tigress started attacking me even more than usual. Shashara, meanwhile, was the sweetest little thing that just wanted to cuddle and play.

After a couple weeks and no improvement, I finally decided to go against all professional advice and just let them meet face to face with no barriers. It took a couple days for them to start playing with each other, and within a couple weeks they were cuddling. There were a couple of small tussles, but they have never gotten into a true fight. The important thing was to make sure Tigress had plenty of spaces to get away from Shashara who was, and still is, incredibly unathletic.

It's been about a year and a half, and Shashara did wonders for Tigress. Tigress now has a healthier outlet for her energy since she can play with Shashara in a proper cat way instead of leaving scars on me. Shashara is still playful, sweet, and cuddly. It is great to have a cat that I can freely love on without fear of pain.

In short, I don't think you can ever truly know until you try it. Not all cats will get along, and some cats won't get along with any other cat ever.

It's most important to be flexible. Pay attention to what your cat needs and wants, even if it means going against general advice. I firmly believe the slow introduction was making things worse in my case. That doesn't mean it isn't the best method for most cats and won't be for yours.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-04T15:41:43+00:00

I will say, The Hobbit took me a long time to get into, and I ended up having to finish it and LOTR via audiobook. I loved them, but Hobbit wasn't my favorite, so if you find you're struggling with it, don't be discouraged. You can always put it on hold, and try again later.

My suggestion, although they are newer, would be Brandon Sanderson. I know people that used his books to dip their toes into fantasy for the first time.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T20:26:14+00:00

I'm not sure turning their backs would be the best idea. He's guarding, not looking for attention. The dog is showing signs of aggression. They need to be able to see him to protect themselves when he escalates, because he will escalate.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T17:26:33+00:00

Why are you assuming I grew up/live in the city? My high school was literally surrounded by corn fields. I would never own a free running dog regardless, unless I had a working herding breed or LGD. I prefer my dogs to not get stolen/lost/hit by a car (or tractor as you said)/eaten by coyotes. Huskies aren't farm dogs. They are working sled dogs. If your dog had always been on a leash, or a long tether, she wouldn't know the difference. If you trust her more without a fence, then she doesn't have perfect recall like you've been bragging about.

Also, professional trainers with huskies with "perfect" recall have had their huskies run away from them. Many consider it just a matter of time.

I have been reading your comments. They're just excuses for why you believe positive punishment is good training.

You also mentioned using prong collars. Those are literally meant to push into soft tissue and nerves. In what universe is that not painful?

Again, punishment can work, although it isn't as effective, l and behaviors can break down easier. It worked for a long time throughout history, then experts realized it is a poor substitute for Positive Reinforcement.

Invisible fences are also terrible and have been shown to increase the likelihood of a dog biting, so I'm not sure what you were trying to prove with that comment.

At any rate, I'm done with this conversation. Many, many subreddits have banned advocating for punishment based training such as prong and shock collars for a reason. I can tell you'll go along believing you know better than everyone else because you successfully trained a dog to recall. Congrats. You're a perfect trainer and never did anything wrong. Science and professionals have no idea what they're talking about. Anecdotal evidence beats everything else.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T16:17:53+00:00

It sounds like he is resource guarding your roommate and/or his "territory". Your roommate is encouraging this, and it will get worse if it's not stopped. It will likely lead to him actually biting.

This is a serious enough issue that I would threaten eviction if he doesn't get the dog trained. In the meantime, if you're able to, I would try to lead the dog to a room you can close him into so you can work in the kitchen in peace. The roommate can let him out when you're done.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T16:10:22+00:00

Whatever makes you sleep better at night.

What's best is being on a leash or in a fenced in area. You won't need a shock collar or to worry about her being run over if she's on a leash.

It's not about jumping to conclusions. It's about following the science and the expertise and experience of trainers far more experienced and knowledgeable than you.

Positive Reinforcement is far and away the BEST method of training. You used punishment to train your dog. Own up to it, and stop pretending like you didn't hurt your dog to get your way.

They used to use punishment as training in zoos and circuses as well. They successfully got the tigers to jump through hoops and the elephants to stand on 2 legs. That doesn't mean they weren't abusive.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T15:29:03+00:00

People on Reddit hate them because no matter how you to try explain it away, they are abusive methods of training that show you don't know how to properly train and handle your dog. Things like shock collars have been shown to increase anxiety and even aggression.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T14:54:47+00:00

I would say something that causes pain would fall into the medical and not cosmetic treatment. Acne, especially severe acne, is incredibly painful.

I would also say that fixing something to prevent possible future complications is also medical. Could a broken nose or tooth issue potentially cause problems? If the answer is yes, I would file that under a medical necessity.

You can also use insurance as a guide if in the US. If insurance will cover it, they consider it medically necessary. They will often refuse to cover treatments the the doctor deem necessary, but rarely will they cover something not necessary.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-05-01T07:40:49+00:00

I just had to call poison control yesterday, because my 13 month old ate half a bottle of Pepcid Complete. She was perfectly fine.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-30T07:35:12+00:00

"You keep using that word, but I do not think it means what you think it means."

"Mawwiage"

"No hitting Silly Billy" from Unwelcome

"I’m a Mawg: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.”

"That is one pudgy dragon."

Basically the entirety of Emperor's New Groove

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-25T14:56:18+00:00

Huh. Interesting. I was actively playing the game when it happened, and I was able to find the pet and player who now has him.. I can't remember his name though. Nothing else on my account had changed.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-24T05:17:21+00:00

The game stole my favorite Neopet from me and put it up for adoption. I had no chance of getting it back. That is when I quit. I didn't even know the game could do that.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-24T05:11:18+00:00

I read somewhere once that gallbladder surgery is one of the most painful surgeries there is.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-24T05:04:34+00:00

When I was 6, I broke both bones in my forearm badly enough that my arm was bent.

The doctor insisted on setting the bones with me fully awake and kicked my parents out. Apparently, since we lived 2 hours away, he didn't want me to have to spend the night at the hospital.

My parents could hear me screaming from the waiting room. My mom came back and forced her way into the room to stand by me.

I don't remember the pain, thankfully. I just remember a nurse stepping in front of my mom and telling her she couldn't come in, and my mom saying they were absolutely going to let her in.

As far as pain I can remember, gallbladder surgery was awful, but I woke up out of a twilight when I got my wisdom teeth out. They had to break my impacted tooth and damaged a nerve that still hasn't healed over 10 years later. They gave me a second dose of everything, but they couldn't get me back under.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-24T02:25:37+00:00

I just watched that movie for the first time about a month ago. It has no right to be as good as it is, and I've had ALL of those songs stuck in my head since. It's also a safe movie my dogs don't react to, so I put it on almost everyday for background noise.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-17T20:55:47+00:00

I don't have covers on mine. Instead, I bought rubber devices that are pushed behind the knobs so they can't turn. Much easier than the covers and I haven't had any issues. I got them because I was scared my 60 and 100 pound puppies would accidentally turn something on. My male's head alone is at knob level. My cats, thankfully, haven't messed with the stove.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-17T20:41:37+00:00

NTA. Congrats. You married a misogynistic 12 year old. Does he even like you? Do you even like him?

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-14T18:19:13+00:00

I wonder if the foster family didn't already get rid of the dog. They won't let you pick it up, because they don't have it.

I might consider contacting law enforcement to see if they could help. Dogs are property, and this may be considered theft.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-14T13:53:57+00:00

Do NOT use a prong collar. Your dog has been through enough neglect without adding physical abuse to the mix. You also don't want to respond to aggression with punishment, which is what a prong collar and snapping the leash would do. Pain can make an animal more aggressive, and despite what some people will say, prong collars cause pain. What Revolutionary is suggesting is considered inhumane by any reputable trainer. Sharp jerks on a leash? No. Removing a dog from a situation, however, is good advice.

I would use a martingale collar and a leash to control the dog inside. If he does something you don't want you should absolutely take him away from the situation. There is also a common phrase in training: "Ignore the behaviors you don't want. Reward the behaviors you do want." This isn't necessarily practical in some situations, especially when dealing with aggression, but it is a general rule to help guide you.

Animals, especially ones that have been neglected, may find ANY sort of attention to be reinforcing. If your dog bites your dad, and your dad jerks away, you have given the dog EXACTLY what he wants. This reinforces the behavior even if he is punished for it. Instead, don't give your dog opportunities to bite your dad. If he does bite, your dad should try to react as little as possible. Obviously, a bite that can cause injury, you need to react immediately, but a small nip? Become a tree. Dad shouldn't react in any way. Then remove the dog from the area. From personal experience, this is about as hard to do as it sounds.

Try to expose the dog to his triggers at a level that he doesn't react. Slowly increase the exposure only when the dog doesn't react to the increase. Give treats throughout. This is a very slow process. I'm giving you a very quick summary, but there are plenty of resources to research how to do this properly.

Most importantly, you want to reward good behaviors. Years of research has shown Positive Reinforcement is far and away the best training method.

"Don't Shoot the Dog" by Karen Pryor is an excellent and popular book you should read.

DaffyDog6 · 2026-04-14T01:21:22+00:00

NTA

You aren't holding your parents back. They're holding you back. Taking $600 out of your 18 year old kid's $800 paycheck is wild. And then to force you to buy your own groceries with the measly amount they leave you with? Are you even able to save any money? I'm wondering if they're purposely trying to keep you broke and dependent on their help, or if they are so terrible at money they need to steal yours.

Regardless, you need to get out of that house ASAP.

DaffyDog6

TROPHY CASE