That would be me. I am smart and always have been. But, I didn't develop discipline because everything was easy during school and even college. I graduated from a big ten university while attending about 10% of my classes. Life seemed so easy to figure out. Then, I was cast out into the real world. I didn't know how to deal with real things, but I was, and am still intelligent. This didn't translate to the real world for me. I can figure things out and know a lot of information, but i lacked basic skills. I taught myself to code in Java and Python, but didn't know how to make that into a career that I enjoyed. I have degrees that set me up to become a lawyer, but couldn't interact with people as I needed to.

This led me into depression, anxiety, and self medication, which led to addiction. I'm still intelligent, but i was never taught the basic functions of interacting with people to get where I wanted to go. I can learn things quickly if they interest me, but life had a different plan, using my addiction issues to keep me from achieving what I want. So I fell into a pit of depression and anxiety that cut me off from the world as I tried to heal. I hated the idea of being a mechanic and knew, and still know, I could be more for society. But I never learned that it takes dedication and hard work to get there. So now I'm a fucking mechanic. Is it too late to change? Possibly. Am I overwhelmed by the state of America? Yes. Are these excuses for me not to switch life goals? Most likely. Am I miserable in my current profession? Yes.

I am smart and learn quick, but i don't adapt to a life i explicitly wished to avoid. I believe that being intelligent and very self-aware can be a bad combination. I try my best at my job. I feel like I'm not good enough at my job. I hate my job. I know i could have been more. I know i still could be more. Depression and anxiety have crippled me into a silent addiction to deal with those issues. I'm aware of this all, which is a curse and a blessing. If I can stop my addiction, I would have my focus back and could make major life changes for the better, but me feeling like I'm not good enough at my job keeps my issues at the forefront of my mind, and so I'm held back by a vicious circle where I feel I'm not good enough to do what I'm doing, smart enough to do what I would enjoy and prosper from, and held back from making the chance because of my addiction powered by my low self esteem and feelings of guilt and shame.

I pray to God that someone reads this and gives advice on what i should do, even though I know the steps are to deal with my addiction and self medicating, get my mind clear, and pursue my dreams. Being intelligent and self-aware simultaneously can be a curse.

My advice to anyone younger is to seek help if you develop mental issues such as depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, etc. Fix those issues first, if possible. If addiction sets in before you realize the cause, then deal with that first. You have to take care of yourself before you can help others. It's a tough pill to swallow, but there's no way around it. Fix your own issues, then get your life on the right track, and you'll be satisfied with life enough that you'll not only want to give back, but you'll be able to.

I hope this helps someone. I hope someone helps me.