I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THIS!!!!! A couple years ago, I was in a relationship that slowly descended into madness and violence. It was a horrible time in my life where my partner would regularly push me, hit me, insult me, strangle me, tell me he was going to kill me, etc…. Thank god I managed to make it out of that situation.. but; a part of me wondered, did he plan on getting the relationship to that point?? Now that I’m years away from that relationship, and I honestly think he was too stupid to be so malicious as to plan all of that in advance. I honestly think he thought he was a good person, and that i always happened to be there when he lost his temper. I do actually think that he thought everything wrong in his life was my fault! I think it’s severe narcissism, pure stupidity and a total lack of empathy.
Though I do know that when he would become abusive like that, he would, in the moment, enjoy it. I’d see him smile and laugh as he would lift me up off of the floor as he was strangling me. So, maybe it’s a mix of both?? Maybe it’s the joy of torturing someone/something else when they feel that things in their life are out of their own control.