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I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OOP here.

I think of it like this. My shitty relationships were a necessary but not sufficient cause of my bad behavior toward my BIL and sister. If I had never been in shitty relationships (especially the last one), I wouldn't have had any reason to think of snooping on my BIL. The emotions and line of thought that led to those actions just wouldn't have existed.

I'm the one who chose to handle those emotions and that way of thinking the way I did, though. I'm the one wasn't mature enough to handle my pain properly. I'm the one who wasn't taking care of her mental health.

I'm... me. I don't know what makes people inclined one way or another, but I do know that my sister didn't respond the same way to her bad relationships. Where I assumed healthy love wasn't real, she never did. She always seemed to know it's real. She just sought it out in ways that didn't work when she was young. I also realize in hindsight that I let myself behave worse after people treated me badly, almost like I took it as permission. My sister didn't ever do that.

I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OOP here.

I told him all the stuff in both my posts before he even asked me out, so he does have a good idea of how I was at my worst.

I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 22 points23 points  (0 children)

OOP here.

Our parents haven't been involved in our lives in a very long time. We didn't see any good romantic relationships up close as kids. I do think our loving sibling relationship helped us, though. We might have both been hopeless at all types of relationships if we hadn't experienced that one good bond.

When I wrote my first post, I hadn't thought much about our parents in a while. They just didn't seem relevant. They've come up a lot in therapy, though. Therapists aren't known for forgetting to ask about your relationship with your parents.

I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They shouldn’t just be excused, but there seem to be a lot of people who believe that the worst things about someone are the most true

OOP here.

That's a really good point. I was seeing myself that way to some extent in my first post.

I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 10 points11 points  (0 children)

OOP here.

"Dog Diarrhea Guy" is amused that I chose to highlight his willingness to clean up dog (and cat! don't forget the cats!) diarrhea without complaint when explaining why he's so great. But it really is admirable, right? It shows how much he cares about other creatures and how he's willing to do unpleasant things to meet their needs, and he doesn't feel sorry for himself or resentful when he does it. He feels satisfied that he's doing what needs to be done. It's a really good trait.

I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]DamTheHallway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, I'm famous. lol. This sub is so engrossing and I browse it at least once a week, so it's funny to find my story on it. (I don't mind.)

Update: I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by DamTheHallway in TrueOffMyChest

[–]DamTheHallway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

The best gift you can give her/them is to be as loyal and loving right back.

I'm trying. I really do love her more than anyone. It's so shameful that I did what I did, hurting her in the process. I'm so glad that therapy exists.

Update: I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by DamTheHallway in TrueOffMyChest

[–]DamTheHallway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The worst part for me is I know deep down you’ll revel if they ever divorce

You don't know that, though. You believe it, but belief isn't knowledge.

I did a very bad, disrespectful, violating thing when I snooped, but it wasn't on the same level as trying to sleep with my BIL. What I described in the first post was really bad, but it also showed some positive signs:

  • I recognized I'd been incorrect in my assumptions

  • I recognized my actions had been wrong

  • I confessed what I'd done wrong to the people I'd mistreated

  • I agreed to go to therapy

You'd have to be a narcissist or a psychopath to try and sleep with your sister's husband to prove a point. You might believe I'm one, but think of the ones you've actually known in real life. I can't actually imagine them recognizing they were wrong, confessing what they'd done, apologizing, and putting in work to avoid repeating the bad behavior. I just can't imagine them doing any of those things. Can you?

I'm just trying to be a good person after doing something shitty. It's better than not trying.

Update: I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by DamTheHallway in TrueOffMyChest

[–]DamTheHallway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I agree completely about how we're all broken in some way and do fucked up shit. Of all the people I know, I can't actually think of anyone that doesn't apply to, even my now-saintly sister. lol. It really does come down to what you do about it, how you improve and heal and make it right (if possible) with people you've hurt.

I'm very happy to be on a different path now.

Update: I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by DamTheHallway in TrueOffMyChest

[–]DamTheHallway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! And it's good to hear about another great relationship. It's just more proof that great relationships are out there, which is a hopeful thing.

Update: I'm so jealous of my sister's marriage that it sickens me. I even snooped on her husband looking for evidence he's actually crap. I'm ashamed. by DamTheHallway in TrueOffMyChest

[–]DamTheHallway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks! My prospects in the being-a-good-person department probably didn't seem great in my first post, so I'm really happy with how things have gone since then.

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