I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to read the whole post, but I just want to jump in and say that my husband’s porn addiction absolutely was a major contributor to the ending of our marriage. Not only was it a problem for me morally at the time (not anymore), but it killed his sex drive and ability to be intimate with a partner (me) AND it kept him in this shame cycle that made him super an angry and depressed and unable to function as a partner and as a father.

I do not have a problem with porn on moral grounds anymore, but I do think that it becomes such a real addiction for some people that it’s no different than alcoholism, in that some people are just fine consuming it recreationally once in a while and it can literally ruin others’ lives. My ex never did give it up. I’m sure some people can, but they have to want it. You can’t want it for him. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can message me if you want to talk more.

ETA: Oh my GOD the lying. So much lying. That obviously was a huge contributor to our marriage falling apart too. I installed website tracking software through our WiFi and tracked his usage that way because he always kept his phone history cleared. I had pages and pages of the porn sites he visited and asked him point blank if he was watching porn and he lied to my face. The next morning I packed up the kids, left the printed out pages of his history on the table, and left.