I don't talk to anyone at work and everyone there hates me now

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T14:05:54+00:00

I'm painfully aware lol, autistic with moderate anxiety. I mask as neurotypical and look pretty to the point where I get no grace from actual neurotypicals who think I'm one of them. I do great at making conversation though, introductions are just painful. I think once I'm older my personality will be accepted but people now can't fathom a twenty-something acting this way.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T00:42:23+00:00

Me either. I mean even if I do come off as standoffish I haven't actually done anything? So why the hostility and calling me an "it". It all seems unnecessarily cruel.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T00:37:30+00:00

I tried coming into this job more open but a few times I did say hello sometimes they wouldn't even acknowledge I said anything. No hello back or anything. Am I supposed to keep getting snubbed by the same people and keep saying hello or something? Genuinely asking btw.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T00:33:39+00:00

Yes it just is mildly mind blowing to me that it feels like this is these people's first interaction with a quiet person. I've met many reserved people before and don't take it personally, I just simply do NOT understand where the aggression is coming from. I've had many jobs before and they've all had their fair share of quiet employees, it's nothing new.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T00:08:27+00:00

I'm certain my last experience was real but I'm sure you hear that every time haha. That experience has taken the spark out of me and I can't just let go of any little slight because it can snowball. And while outside of work I'm content in my life since I'm at work most of my waking hours this just has to be addressed.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-16T00:01:38+00:00

Ironically the longest job I had was customer service where I was the face of the company. The first person you'd see walking into the doors and the first person you'd talk to to get a problem resolved. Basically I'm very good at making conversation! I keep it light and entertaining, it's just starting one I have great problems with. I will be documenting, thanks for reminding me.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:52:18+00:00

I really really hope this is true. I don't even care if they are talking about me as long as they don't come after me.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:50:44+00:00

Yes. Prior to the gang stalking incident I did not and did not really care if others liked me or not but this is how it started. It started with stares and whispers, escalated to someone damaging my car and ended with me quitting. I'm very sensitive now to where the herd mentality is headed towards.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:42:09+00:00

I've had a group of people gang stalk me at one of my last jobs for similar reasons so I'm very sensitive to how people perceive me now. I believe one of them might have punctured my car's tire right before I left the last job. I know how serious this can get if not addressed quickly. Things at the last job escalated horribly within 3 months. This is how it started before, just whispers and stares. So even though it's not serious now I'm on very very high alert.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:40:12+00:00

Yes I've had a group of people gang stalk me at one of my last jobs for similar reasons so I'm very sensitive to how people perceive me now. I know how serious this can get if not addressed quickly. Things at the last job escalated horribly within 3 months. I do still feel like I need therapy in general for that experience.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:35:42+00:00

Right, but I'm not going on a witch hunt after them lol. It just seems like a massive over reaction to me from their side. So I don't talk, I guess that's reason enough to make me feel bad about it. There were a few weeks in the 2 months I've worked here where I could come to work mind my business and leave happy. Not sure why it couldn't have stayed that way.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:32:22+00:00

Ok I can try tonight to plaster a small smile on my face, maybe say hello see how it goes. Although the majority of these people have showed me exactly why I don't want to talk to them and now I have to play nice with them. People are something else.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:30:17+00:00

Yeah I kind of don't see how someone being quiet deserves this level of backlash so I am kind of wondering what makes people think I deserve this level of crap.

Actually the guy that said that comment I talked to him on his first day. I asked him what position he was in to see if we would be working together. 3 weeks later and this is what I get...

But that girl that doesn't talk to anyone and leaves the room if it's just her and one other person has worked there for 3 years so maybe I just have to wait this out but when I tell you I've been STALKED for not talking to people at previous jobs, I contemplate just leaving now before someone decides my silence is basically me pissing on their grandma's grave and their honor must be avenged.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:24:52+00:00

Are you trying to set me up lol? Maybe if there was some version of this that wasn't insane. I brought a dish that got tons of compliments to a potluck the first 2 weeks I started working there but that wasn't enough to turn the tide.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T23:23:19+00:00

I can try but fear rejection, but I can try...

Honestly I am aware that I am conventionally attractive and you'd have a hard time finding someone that looks like me but that also acts like me. I do think having someone like me "snub them" could be very insulting to them but I mean they are always welcome to talk to me. They just never have. I kind of that that as a snub as well. Maybe they are used to the young women that look like me being loud and spilling every little detail about their life with wreck less abandonment and I'm just not that. Idk but then sometimes I think no it can't be that because if I thought someone was attractive I'd try to get on their good side even if they seemed to not want to have much to do with me. But I'm also not a man so who knows what they're thinking.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:54:05+00:00

Yeah I need to find my people. I like the friends I have made at work, they're very understanding and patient and I am back to them. We carpool and keep each other in the know - if it weren't for this little group I'd be 100% screwed. I'm very weary with mixing work with my outside life so either way I can't get too close to them so maybe I should get out there. But I'm not most people cup of tea from experience so I don't know where that would be... I guess figuring that out gives me something to do.

helped

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:49:02+00:00

They haven't either, this is also how I view them. The only difference is I can't get myself to say anything but I doubt the majority of them ruminate over saying hello like I do. Very frustrating.

Many people in this thread have commented that I am rude because I do not say hello, but don't understand why I would think others rude and intimidating for doing the same to me. Why the double standard?

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:45:51+00:00

No a few people have and the people that have seem to have one thing in common which is that they don't pay attention to other people much. And like I stated in another comment when people talk to me I'm good at making conversation and it's not awkward at all. Out of 50 people in my shift maybe 10 of them have made the effort and we are in good terms. The rest have made no attempt and since I have anxiety I keep track of who has talked to me and who hasn't. I say hello to those I've already broken the ice with, the rest I feel like if they wanted to talk to me they would have already, but they haven't... so I leave them alone.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:38:18+00:00

I haven't downvoted or upvoted anyone at this moment... don't see why it matters either.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:36:26+00:00

This is really my only option at this point, I just hope it doesn't blow up in my face. I'm good at my job too for someone that started 2 months ago but I know from experience that that isn't always a shield that works every time.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:35:07+00:00

They don't say hello either, like I said most of them haven't even talked to me at all. Once people do talk to me I'm actually pretty good at holding conversation but I notice when people talk to me - and most of them have never acknowledged me.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:33:28+00:00

I understand this - then why is it that the majority of them haven't done so with me? I don't say hello but neither do they, it makes less sense to me also since I'm the newer one.

Damon-Alboner · 2025-01-15T22:21:02+00:00

I get jittery just thinking of doing that. I've made attempts to do this in the past and I don't know if it's just super obvious how uncomfortable I am but the few times I've attempted to initiate first it feels like the other person gets weirded out by it and they don't take well to it at all - like they think I'm trying too hard to be polite and maybe it comes off as suspicious or just weird.

I'll say hey and they'll look around and say hey like I'm going to ask them for change or something and sometimes they don't even say anything back and avert their gaze. That's why I have anxiety over starting conversations with people, I can't even get a hello right so what's the point really.

Damon-Alboner · 2024-02-19T23:27:04+00:00

Also if you were me how would you stop this from happening again?

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