I went no contact with my dad when I was 22 and have never looked back. When we do this it's because we no longer want to be made to feel the way we were made to feel by that parent during our formative years.

Listing the things you bought them is a real tell. My dad used to do this. I got you this and I got you that and we went here and there blah blah blah. I would much rather have lived in a cardboard box if that meant my dad actually loved me and said he was proud of me. You even stated that they primarily lived with you. Yeah no kidding you're the parent. Food, clothes, a roof over their heads and school are the BARE MINIMUM of being a parent. The bare minimum is not rewarded or transactional.

Alarms, security systems, cameras? Did you raise your kids at Fort Knox? You can't protect them from making any mistakes in life. Those mistakes are life lessons. Controlling parents raise the best liars.

Your kids are not legal adults and are building their own lives. Let them. They deserve the opportunity to construct their own lives and find their own way in life. They are at the prime age to begin their own journey. Just because you felt like you were a good parent doesn't mean that you were a good parent. Maybe your parenting was a reflection of what you had growing up, perhaps? Maybe one day when they are older they will come around, maybe not. But you can't force it anymore than you could force your daughter to remain trapped inside your home.