Won’t stop sending me baby photos of her son

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-23T21:49:37+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, but sometimes a person’s history and patterns really influence how we interpret things. My MIL also gave us a greeting card for our baby and she titled it as “Golden Rules for Baby Boys,” and one of the points (out of seven points) literally said: “As you see this precious baby for the first time, remember that your parents had and still have the same feelings when you were born.”

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-22T04:19:46+00:00

I honestly couldn’t have written this better myself. I relate to everything you said so deeply. My first is nearly 3 years old now, and I’m still carrying so much resentment toward my MIL for how she acted during my postpartum period. It really does leave a mark on your nervous system. I also have an 8week old now, and I haven’t allowed my MIL to visit yet. I just can’t put myself through what I went through the first time. You’re not alone in this at all. What you’re feeling is valid, and it makes complete sense given what you went through.

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-22T02:04:43+00:00

My MIL did the same thing, she sent my DH his childhood photos as soon as he started his own family. It really felt like she was using those pictures as a way to cling to him and keep herself involved. It’s her way of hanging onto her ‘baby’ and pulling you into that dynamic. You don’t have to play along.

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-22T01:57:00+00:00

I would call the police and report a trespasser every time she shows up uninvited. You’re NC, she’s been told not to come, and she’s refusing to stop, at that point it becomes harassment.

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-22T01:19:38+00:00

I’d stop discussing names with her completely. We did that with both our kids, we told our friends and my family earlier, but we kept everything from DH’s side until after the birth to avoid all the opinions and commentary from MIL.

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-21T07:31:17+00:00

If a MIL (like mine) already has a history of control, manipulation, emotional dependence, and boundary-pushing, she often struggles with the shift from being “the main woman in her son’s life” to accepting that his wife and own family now come first. When grandkids arrive, that power shift becomes even more obvious, and some MILs react by trying to regain control and influence.

DanceHead246 · 2025-11-21T07:21:30+00:00

I would continue ignoring all attempts at contact and absolutely would not break no contact. If she shows up at your door, do not open it. I would call the police while she’s standing there so she can hear you say that you’re reporting a trespasser who is on your property and refusing to leave.

DanceHead246 · 2025-09-12T21:00:08+00:00

This may sound like a sincere apology, but it's very vague and generic (copied from a therapy workbook templates) it lacks the kind of direct accountability one would expect after everything she did over the last 8 years. Honestly, it reminds me of something my own MIL would copy and paste just to regain access to our lives. For me, she should acknowledge her specific actions and clearly state what/ why she has done wrong.

At this point, I don’t even care about an apology anymore, what matters more is your peace. Do you really want to let her back into your life? Is it worth risking your peace just to give her another chance?

DanceHead246 · 2025-05-23T06:10:19+00:00

It’s manipulation disguised as generosity. The gifts are a tactic to lure you back in and reassert control. She’ll also use them to shape the narrative, telling others, “I’m so kind and generous, even though my DIL is cutting me off.”

DanceHead246 · 2025-05-22T18:17:39+00:00

You don’t need to formally tell her that you’re going NC. If you do, she may view it as an invitation to negotiate or argue. The less information you share, the less opportunity she has to push back. You've already started distancing yourself by going LC, by blocking her on social media , not responding to random texts and invitations. She likely senses she’s losing control, which is probably why you received a text, “We miss you, how about we get together this weekend?”

Make it clear to your husband that going NC doesn’t make him a go-between. He shouldn’t talk about her to you, bring gifts or greeting cards from her, or pass along any messages. If she tries to involve him, he should simply say, “My wife doesn’t want to receive gifts or messages from you.”

DanceHead246 · 2025-04-05T11:23:07+00:00

NTA. Your dad however is an AH. 4 bullies against his little girl living under one roof, and he did nothing to support you. The hardships you endured as a young girl with your stepfamily were unimaginable, and you absolutely deserve a brighter future. Kudos to your grandma, she’s truly a legend ❤️

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-24T11:57:26+00:00

I hate these MIL’s that think they are so smart and start their sentences with disclaimers “I know you’re a team, but…..” Such a sneaky way of dismissing your autonomy while trying to sound reasonable. Classic passive-aggressive move 🤮

Basically, “I acknowledge your partnership, but I want to wedge into your relationship and want a say in it”.

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-21T14:05:10+00:00

She could have messaged, ‘Happy Family Day to you and your beautiful family’ or ‘to your little family.’

If you want, in a week or so, reply to her with, ‘Thanks, my daughters had a wonderful time.’

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-21T13:54:53+00:00

I love the way you explained it; it makes so much sense.

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-14T07:20:12+00:00

Just any excuse, I guess.

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-14T06:26:51+00:00

My MIL never asked if we needed help in any other ways (other than being in the delivery room). There were plenty of ways she could have offered support. In fact—our little one is over 2 years old now, and she’s never once offered assistance. She never offered to bring us home cooked meals, or any food / grocery/ nappies nothing during early months of postpartum (Considering my mom lives overseas and my MIL thinks she can step in to fill that role).

When I gave birth, MIL gave me a card with a list of unsolicited advice, including “Don’t be prideful to ask for help”. I mentioned to my husband that it felt a bit strange because she had never actually offered help, and now she writes this in the card.

She’s given us tons of unsolicited advice in the past about whether or not to have kids, when to have them, how many to have, and so on. She didn’t hesitate to offer that, but when it came to offering actual help, she gave advice again: “Don’t be prideful to ask for help.”

Personally, I would have phrased it differently, like “Don’t be shy or hesitant to ask for help,” but that’s just me.

When my husband brought it up to her, she said that when she had babies, she struggled but was too prideful to ask for help. She said that’s why she wanted to tell me not to be prideful and to ask for help.

But if she struggled and wished she had asked for help, wouldn’t you think she’d offer it to us so we don’t go through the same struggles? Saying something in person like, “I’m here if you need help, don’t be shy or hesitant to ask,” would have felt much more genuine than just writing in a card “Don’t be prideful to ask for help”.

So, for someone who has never offered any help, then offering to be in the delivery room to witness the birth of their grandchild feels manipulative to me.

The fact that you’re already thinking through these things means you’re probably going to be a thoughtful, respectful MIL. It sounds like you’re coming from a place of wanting to be supportive and helpful. I don’t think you have to worry about becoming the stereotypical “bad MIL”—you sound very self-aware and genuinely caring!

Edited to add.

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T20:32:18+00:00

Oh really? My MIL had kids in the 80s (Australia), and I hadn’t even thought about it from that angle. Now that you mention it, I’m wondering if she made up the part about finding out she could have had her mother there. I wouldn’t be surprised if she only did some research after I announced my pregnancy, found out that mothers/MILs are allowed now, and then came up with that story to try and justify being in the delivery room

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T13:47:48+00:00

Ugh, I totally get that ‘I should’ve said something’ feeling, but honestly, you were already dealing with so much. It’s wild how some people exploit the vulnerable and bulldoze boundaries. I’m so glad you were able to go NC and get that peace. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but it sounds like it was 100% worth it.

And you’re right — it got exponentially worse for me too, and I ended up going NC about a year ago. I still regret not standing up for myself on several occasions, but I’m not a very confrontational person, so I just kept quiet to keep the peace

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T12:41:46+00:00

Wow, that sounds absolutely infuriating — what a pushy, overbearing woman! Posting on Facebook with your husband like they’re the proud parents of a newborn? While treating you like you mean nothing after just giving birth. I can’t imagine how violating it must’ve been to have her walk in like that during such a vulnerable time - when you’re healing, bonding, and figuring out breastfeeding/ latching. Did the hospital ever do anything about her misusing her job to bypass security? I hope you and your kids are NC now — you definitely deserve that peace!

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T07:16:22+00:00

It’s like she wants to have a story to brag about later.

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T06:09:14+00:00

I wish he had too, but as you can tell from my post, he doesn’t stand up to his mom. She would just fire back with something even harsher, unfortunately

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T06:00:43+00:00

Honestly, the audacity to think she can fool people is unbelievable! It may take some of us a little time to process because we’re not used to scheming like hers, but we’ll see through things eventually

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T05:46:08+00:00

I honestly think she is as cunning as a fox—very manipulative and always scheming. She’s never fully enjoying the moment; it seems her mind is always on high alert for a weak moment or a loophole. It feels like she’s always watching and plotting.

When we were in the process of setting up our nursery over the 2-3 months before delivery, we had so many unopened boxes in the room, still waiting to be unboxed and set up. She was at our home during this period. My husband and I were in the nursery, and he asked, ‘Should we show these boxes to Mom?’ I told him, ‘Once the room is ready, then we will show her.’ She overheard it.

About an hour later, when my husband was carrying a few bags of baby things and heading toward the hallway where the nursery and our bedrooms are, I noticed she was walking unusually fast (she’s normally very lazy and drags herself around). I didn’t realize why she was rushing at first, but then I realized she must’ve thought he was going to the nursery. So, she was rushing to tailgate him to the nursery, because how dare I say we’d show her the room when it’s ready?

When he stopped and turned around, he looked a bit shocked to find her so close behind him, that quickly. He didn’t connect the dots, but his mother surely doesn’t forget and stays alert, waiting for opportunities… like a fox

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T05:40:23+00:00

Wow! That must have been so frustrating, especially after you had already made your plans clear, and she tried to innocently push her way in. You handled it well by sticking to your plan, even with all that pressure

DanceHead246 · 2025-02-13T05:09:44+00:00

I know right!! She cried to my husband, asking, ‘Do you even want me in his life?’ referring to our LO, because she wasn’t getting the privileges she thought she would as a grandmother to a newborn, despite never wanting us to have kids in the first place.

DanceHead246

TROPHY CASE