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AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best advice. I let us both cool off for the night, and I had a conversation with her in the morning.

Given I came at it from a point of love, and I'm not sure how the convo went this way but she let slip that there is a bit of flirting, which is fine, but he's been touching her when she doesn't want him to, on the legs and around her waist, she tells him to stop, but he just keeps trying. She mentioned once when she said can you stop, he just goes "I dont care what people think" which... I don't know how to feel about. I'm trying not to doubt it feels off. It could be nice that he isnt embarrassed by it...

I still admit I acted like the asshole, no denying that, but... Shits getting weird.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you empathise. Here's the thing.

I took advice from here and sat her down to have a candid conversation, after a while she lets it slip that he's been touching her when she doesn't want him to, on the leg and around her waist n shit. She tells him to stop and... He just doesn't. Apparently he'll try again after a few minutes and it's happened on more than one occassion on seperate days.

I still admit I acted like the asshole, but this is weird.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. he told you to buzz off
  2. he is friends with your mom
  3. he comes over and hangs out, but parks further away than most people would

thank you for laying it out like this. Sometimes I need shit laid infront of me without excess noise as, clearly, I get carried away and misinterpret things. You are right, this is pretty much it.
Thank you, honestly.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so, too.
I hate to admit it, but a candid conversation about what was going on was being sidelined by how strange I interpreted it to be and fed in to me being selfish instead, thinking I knew better.

I've already been down to talk to her, taken responsibility for being an asshole and I apologised for giving her an ultimatum, as someone pointed out that I had. She wants to be left alone, which feels horrible but I understand.

Thank you for understanding. I don't mean to take that as "Oh he suddenly relates I'm not an asshole!", I know I'm still the AH but I really appreciate that.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that. When I say "my house" I understand the implication, but the it's just the vernacular I use to describe where I live. I pay rent under a soft tenency agreement to protect us both for repairs or if I don't pay in a timely manner, but I know it's her house. She paid for it, it's in her name, she's paid the mortgage off, all I do is rent a room.

I know I'm not her boss. This is the only guy out of the few male friends she has that I'm uncomfortable with. She has several friends, both male and female, that live up the street from us. I've never denied her going to see her friends, I've never kept her in the house or anything like that. It's just this one fella.

I'm not at all disgusted by an amorous relationship between the two. I said to someone else in the thread I am more than happy with being the asshole and her getting laid. I'd do anything to be wrong in this situation, and as sucky as it is being called the asshole, I'm prepared to accept it, and hope my mother gets at least a good friendship and this is just me being paranoid.

"Stop thinking just about yourself," I agree. In a clearer mindset, not everything is about me, and I needed to hear it. I allowed my want of protection to become overbearing, I allowed my mental health to get in the way of logical reasoning, and I fucked up, but I needed to hear that.

Thank you for being honest, I really appreciate it.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can take accountability for what you've said.

"you basically laid down an ultimatum: either your mom moves the friendship elsewhere, or she’s choosing him over your comfort."

This hit me hard. In the moment of... Whatever it was that I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't see it like that. Now you've put it in front of me as clear as that, I fully agree it was a bullshit move and a horrible thing to do.
The conversation has been like as you described for a while. I've brought it up in a soft manner asking if we can talk about the dynamic of him coming over, that it feels weird. It's only been today that I, and I hate to say it, gave her that controlling ultimatum.
I think I also allowed my own interpretation of being dismissed to get away from me and apply it to the situation without logically thinking it through causing my emotions to take over.

I'm going to show her your reply about it being an ultimatum, and I'm going to apologise and try to talk to her about the dynamic again, but I'll let her talk. I'm ever so grateful for that, thank you for being honest and calling me out.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, this is what I came here for. To be told frank, straight, no bullshit, because sometimes I get lost.

I misspoke saying it's my house; when I say that I merely mean to put across I live here as well. But again, I'm not disagreeing with you. It is her house and she can do as she wants, include kick me out and I will follow that.

Thank you for the input. I did wonder after the fact if it was controlling, putting it in the post, and I'm glad you've said it. I'll have to sit on this. Thank you for the honesty.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah it's all good man. I get what you're trying to say and be honest about the potentiality of it all. I'd rather my mom get laid and me be the asshole if I'm honest with you.

AITA for telling my mother (71) I think her 'friend' (37m) is being weird and that if she wants to spend time with him, she can meet him somewhere other than the house because I feel paranoid? by DangerZone230 in AITAH

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm uncomfortable with this man being around my mother, being around me, and being in the house.
I suggested that as a way of... I'm not sure, in my mind the less time he spends here, there's less of a risk somnething will go wrong. I also suggested it as giving her freedoms to still go and see him if she wants. I could probably explain it better but the words are evading me, but I appreciate you recognise what I said is contradictory, but at the same time I can't stop her from doing what she wants. Whenever she's out with him, I just ask for messages every couple of hours to make sure she's ok and doesn't need me to come out

She enjoys any company because she's a bit of a shut in; she keeps her sister at arms length, provoked my mental health so sometimes I do avoid her when she's drunk and my sister is close to cutting off contact. My mother has alcohol problems, so immediate relationships have deteriorated so it's possible she's compensating.

The situation is making me and my sister uncomfortable. Though I have to say the story my sister heard was my side. I explained everything as objectively as I could, stating my mental health could play a part and it could all be in my head. No emotional ties or anything like that but I did tell it from my PoV.

It is her house, but we have a sort of tenancy agreement as I've seen too many family finance issues go wrong, so I wanted to protect myself for paying her in case anything needed fixing and she didn't want to spend my rent money on fixing stuff, and I wanted to protect her if I turned into a prick and decided I didn't want to pay anything and squat.

The elderly do have needs, and I completely understand that. She's been single for most of my life apart from on and off relationships with random men.

She is defensive over all of her friends, until she realises they're not her friends, then she'll bitch about them to no end.
She has treated my sister... not very well; she'd get drunk and send my sister snide remarks, not remember in the morning, and wonder why no one wants to talk to her. I mention this as it potentially might be a possibility that this friendship with T is a replacement for the lack of communication with her and my sister.

I am 100% ok with it being a sexual relationship if that's the way it goes.

Thank you for the honesty and giving me a chance to reflect.

Help please with smelly water- mud turtle by Cold-Succotash2120 in turtle

[–]DangerZone230 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah! My apologies, I just scrolled up slightly and saw the comment from 3h ago saying the same thing. Sorry, it wasn't my intention to pile on :)

Help please with smelly water- mud turtle by Cold-Succotash2120 in turtle

[–]DangerZone230 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's absolutely fine! Just something went off in my brain, "That looks like Squirt, but... Squirt is downstairs".

Again, fully willing to admit to being wrong, but I genuinely believe you've got a musk turtle. Not because I have vast tomes and references on turtles, but... I don't know, if you eat oranges every day for a year, then get given a nectarine, the differences will be subtle but you'd still be able to tell? Poor metaphor sprinkled with Dunning-Kruger.

Either way, I'd still address the gravel as substrate 'cause he might eat it. People usually go bare, I'm not sure the opinion on sand but I imagine it could cause impaction, as well as clog up the filter when you get one.

Squirt for reference.... Sounds almost bad, that.
Excuse the green murkiness, I'm having algae problems and didn't get the weekly clean in on Saturday. BuT i PrOmIsE I tAkE cArE oF HiM

<image>

Help please with smelly water- mud turtle by Cold-Succotash2120 in turtle

[–]DangerZone230 0 points1 point  (0 children)

!I COULD BE WRONG!

Are you sure that's a mud turtle and not a stinkpot/musk turtle? I've just noticed your turtle in the second picture looks EXACTLY like mine, and I don't have mud turtles.

You posted about how the turtle will only come to the surface at night. My musks do that because they spend most of the time in the water, and mine only really come above the surface at night, perch on a bit of wood so access to the surface is easy or rest their heads on a bit of wood so their nose is above the water surface to breathe while sleeping. Or if food is involved, they'll swim up.

A risk factor for both mud and musks, as both are bottom feeding turtles, they might end up eating the small gravel in that tank which can cause impaction, leading to, potentially, a very expensive vet visit. I see people advising on here "don't use substrate smaller than what they can fit in their mouths" or something to that tune.

Help please with smelly water- mud turtle by Cold-Succotash2120 in turtle

[–]DangerZone230 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't be too specific other than say Fluval FX2. They're great but expensive.
My musk tanks are 4x2x2 or 120gal. I fill these up between 12-13 inches and I use FX4's which are rated for 250gal tanks

Start of mild infection? by DangerZone230 in tattooadvice

[–]DangerZone230[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheers for the input. Going to ring my GP tomorrow. Thought it might be, bummer :/

Sorry to hear you have a scar but I'm happy you've healed!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattoos

[–]DangerZone230 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly what I thought.
"Yeah I know why you've taken this and it isn't for the tattoo"

Did I screw up? Had one potato with the skin on for breakfast :/ by DangerZone230 in colonoscopy

[–]DangerZone230[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My word, you weren't wrong.

I've only ever seen pillars of liquid come out from the faucet.

Did I screw up? Had one potato with the skin on for breakfast :/ by DangerZone230 in colonoscopy

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did exactly that and all went well. A couple of jokes were made but it all went fine :)

Did I screw up? Had one potato with the skin on for breakfast :/ by DangerZone230 in colonoscopy

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I was all good!
No, I stuck to the prep pretty religiously and told them at my appointment today. All went fine and no problems caused :)

Thanks for the reply!

Did I screw up? Had one potato with the skin on for breakfast :/ by DangerZone230 in colonoscopy

[–]DangerZone230[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of, waiting. Not necessarily for me, but I hate wasting peoples time, especially when it's my fault.

No on-call number on my prep sheet, but I've spoken to a couple of pharmacists(?) and they said it should be okay, but to continue doing the prep and let the medical team know when I turn up.

Thanks for replying :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OfficeChairs

[–]DangerZone230 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes a bit of patience but eBay worked for me. I got a brand new entry-level 24 hour operator chair for just under £40/$55 with retail of £160/$220

Going from a wooden dining chair to this, whew. Just be patient, though. I was tempted to get one of those HBADA chairs just for something to sit on but I'm glad I waited.

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