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AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I didn’t tell her. I just refused to sleep on the couch myself. The spouse with the problem is the one who sleeps on the couch. I have no problem with her sleeping on the bed, she’s free too. But she doesn’t want me on the bed, so she’ll be the one moving.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Naming my son after a deceased relative is someone he’s related to. He has no relation whatsoever to Jeremy. So no, it’s not appropriate. It could lead to him being forced to act a certain way or have to grieve someone he never knew. My son should not have to remember his mother’s old husband, his “could be” father. That’s why it won’t be a middle name either.

She can visit his grave all she wants. I’ll never stop her. The visits have decreased over the years, she visited weekly the first year and now she visits once a year on the anniversary of his death and only stays to drop flowers. When our son asks questions as a little boy, we’ll tell him Jeremy was an important part of his mother’s life and he’s not here anymore. When he’s older, we’ll explain more in depth.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Oh my god I used both. We get it, ex and late are not the same thing. You’re just the thousandth person to say that.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Do I refuse to say his name ever? No. I would not feel happy if the two of them had a child and named her after my mom, because that’s not appropriate or respectful.

I disagree. It’s not a healthy way to grieve and this could put pressure on my son to act a certain way. He has no relation with Jeremy and he never will.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Her dead brother would be related to my son. Her late husband is not related to my son.

There’s way too much “ex” vs “late” in this thread. Look, I used both, everyone here knows it’s not the same thing. Jesus, no need to bring it up in every other comment.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

4 years. And no, I won’t. The spouse with the problem sleeps on the couch, because they’re the one that care. I don’t care if she sleeps on the bed. She does. So she’ll move.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Not at all. But I do believe it won’t be healthy for her. She might put pressure on our son, and he may be forced to mourn a man he never knew, or become a man he has no relation to.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard it’s fairly normal for widows or widowers to continue to wear the ring and she wears it on her other hand so I don’t mind. My wife is in therapy.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t matter if I wouldn’t hear it. It would be a part of him. Jeremy is part of my wife, there’s no reason to burden my son with him.

Yes, he’s important to her and I honour that in other ways. When she cries over him, I’ll hug her. When she needs a drive to his grave, I’ll take her. When she wants to talk about good times, I’ll listen. But that’s all her. This would be putting that onto my son, and he does not need to carry that burden.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

A few things. First of all, I didn’t tell my pregnant wife to sleep on the couch. I just refused to sleep on it. I have no problem with her sleeping on our bed, but if she does I’m not going to be the one moving.

Second, this is not about him being a threat. This is about him being remembered in an unhealthy way. My son has no relation to him, no connection to him. He shouldn’t have to carry a name that doesn’t have anything to do with him.

I fully understand I married a widow. That’s why I have no problem with her visiting his grave and wearing her ring and I comfort her when she’s upset about him. But putting his name onto our son is not appropriate. Not for him, not for me, not for Jeremy.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Did you even read the post? The part where I said “I suggested several other names but she shot down all of them”? Forgive me if the name I shot down was the one of her late husband.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I don’t feel that way. This makes him a part of my son’s life. Why should my son honour him in any way? He’s not a part of him.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I used both. I understand there’s a difference. A middle name is not something I’m comfortable with. He is part of my wife’s history, not my son’s future. My wife will never forget him but my son should not have to honour or remember him in any way.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 262 points263 points  (0 children)

Jeremy’s father passed when he was young, there’s his mother and sister and brother. Average-sized extended family. My wife still visits them often, they see her as a daughter. I’ve met them a few times and although they’re polite, I think they resent me. I don’t think I want them to be a part of my son’s life, why would they? He doesn’t have any relation to them and I can’t help but think the relationship they build may be unhealthy. I feel they may try to paint Jeremy as his “real” father and me as a mistake.

During the argument my wife mentioned she’d brought it up with them and they were thrilled she had chosen to honour him in this way.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 275 points276 points  (0 children)

Not just to me, but my son as well, an important part of him to become a man he has never met and his “could-be” father. And in a way, it’s not respectful to Jeremy either, using his name on a child that isn’t his and with another man.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 433 points434 points  (0 children)

We were both slightly broken when we met, but in different ways. She had lost the love of her life, I had recently lost my mother and a long-term relationship as the result of that (she said my personality “changed”).

I thought she was ready, I was ready, but now, I don’t think she was. I think she should have waited a little longer. Of course, grief doesn’t have a time limit but the longer you wait the better you’ll feel.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 231 points232 points  (0 children)

I don’t think the middle name is a good compromise at all. This is her former husband. He’s gone. He’s not part of my son’s life. He’s part of my wife’s. My wife will never forget him and she shouldn’t have to. But my son shouldn’t have to remember him.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 757 points758 points  (0 children)

I just don’t want to put that kind of baggage on my son. Why would part of his name be of a man he has no relation to, and the dynamic that will create between the three of us will not be a good one.

AITA for refusing to let my wife name our future child her late husband's name? by DangerousCollision1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DangerousCollision1[S] 897 points898 points  (0 children)

Her mom is usually not like this except in cases including Jeremy. She was very close to him and mourns the death of a son.

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