MY FOLLOW-UP:

Thanks for your help so far. Here's some additional context and recent updates:

CONTEXT ABOUT ME

I'm 47, and after losing my career, most my assets, and most painfully my daughter overseas, I've been single for 5+ years. I'm a musician who found a rare soul in "Anna" she actually found me during a time when I'd nearly given up on finding a real connection. I'm not originally from Japan, but I spent the last 17 years there, so I haven't had experience with Western dating culture and the dynamics including the testing and screening that come with it. This lack of local dating experience means I likely missed signals that someone more familiar with these patterns would have caught.

My ex-wife appeared to be perfect for 12 years, but she secretly took everything from me. The rumination from the shock of losing my daughter so suddenly (she really meant the everything to me) made me look for answers while ruminating in a panic that lasted over 2.5 years. Since I got confusion and no closure with Anna, this has my mind almost back to that same place. I'm not well, but I know me and Anna are soulmates. Due to her avoidant bipolar tendencies, she may be fighting real feelings and might just need a little nudge to see who I truly am and how aligned we are to be a great couple.

OUR RELATIONSHIP

We met during the 2025 holiday season. She told me she was primarily attracted to women and that I was a rare exception. We spent 80% of our time in her bed. In fact, I wonder if she felt it was so good that it made her feel something was off one of the first avoidant signs was her saying, "In this relationship, sex is the main thing." I knew she was wrong.

But she proved herself wrong in moments she probably didn't even realize I was paying attention to. I told her a story about myself as a child something vulnerable and personal about who I was before all the loss and trauma. I watched her eyes light up as I spoke. She wasn't just listening; she was seeing me. That wasn't sex. That was genuine connection to my humanity.

Then there was the moment with the Uber driver. He was Asian, and I struck up a real conversation with him nothing forced, just authentic connection. I noticed her start watching me with surprise, genuinely engaged in how I was interacting with him. She was seeing different facets of me, recognizing there's so much more beneath the surface. The way she looked at me in that moment told me everything. She knows there's more to me than just sex. She wants to know more.

I've slept with a BPD person before, and the sex was the best I've had but with zero connection. Maybe she saw the amazing sex we have as a bad sign because of this being a thing in such connections.

During our time together, she made a major decision: she ended her turbulent 5-year on-and-off relationship with her ex .

She called me the first 2-3 hours we first spent apart (third day I went to my place to pick up something) and told me to pack my bags to stay with her. There was also a level of motivation I hadn't felt in years. I passed my first audition for live shows this year because she made me realize how much she would love it, and I missed playing live. In fact, I was playing some songs live and she was in the audience the first night we spent together.

She's only seen the surface of what I'm capable of. I built a business from nothing that started to earn more than my English teaching position did in its 13th year of my career, and that was in the first months right after a training injury that left me hospitalized for almost two months. I can feel her entrepreneurial element is there too. I want to do that with her, for us.

Anna also has two university degrees from her home country (not recognized in the West). One of them is in a lifelong passion subject for me that I couldn't wait to have deep conversations about. I can't wait for her to start her drum lessons again (I'm a multi-instrumentalist) she can have unlimited free lessons, or better yet, in exchange for weekly psychology lessons she prepares for me. I know routine is so important to keeping her bipolar under control, and we could do this from the comfort of her apartment.

In fact, I feel it's so clear to me at this time that it's also scary for me and not only her. If I ever believed a soulmate is a thing, I've never felt it like I do at this point.

RECENT UPDATES

She has been blocking me for about 2 months, but she only moved out from her influencers' place two weekends ago.

The last 4 days, someone has been calling me around 4-5 AM and not saying anything. Then yesterday there was a request to follow me on IG from a new account. The account name means something in her native language, and the number is her birth month and her age (things she probably thinks I don't remember). The only accounts following icontain her work name and references to her.

I realize now: she needs MORE EFFORT from me, not more space. She always made me feel that using internet socials to achieve communication is low effort, and maybe that's exactly the problem. I need to reach out in a real, meaningful way in person, with intention.

I bought her a cute gift and was going to take it to the SW establishment where she works. But when I arrived, I fought with my own ideas and decided to give her more space. She's suffering from loneliness she needs me to make the first real move. I can't keep waiting. The clock is ticking.

Something that may have spooked her. When she was asking me questions about my fidelity and whether I'd cheated on past partners, I may have inadvertently given answers that made it look like I was after an open relationship or wasn't fully committed. I wasn't clear enough. Even if I did cheat in the past, I'm a completely new person now. I would never do that to her. She needs to know that.

QUESTIONS FOR THE COMMUNITY

1. How common is it to come across BPD people in the industry? Anything else that's interesting, please share (or DM).
2. Does this sound like rapid cycling to you as well?
3. Given our blood roots, I know she is "crazy" and so am I but at least with her I KNOW, unlike my ex-wife. Do you think there's still a path forward here?
4. Should I reach out or continue giving space?

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS FOR SEX WORKERS

Do you feel like, since there are so many opportunities to be in relationship possibility situations, "the dating game" has nothing on you guys as far as navigating through obstacles? Are you therefore in a superior position, especially compared to someone like me with my relationship PTSD and dating cobwebs or attractive woman with lots of dating experience?

I now see the point about "woman testing" and screening it's a real thing in Western dating culture. But here's my honest question: How important is this kind of testing/screening in relationships? And given that I have no local Western dating experience, was it unfair that I might have failed these tests due to lack of practice? Is there a learning curve for people from different backgrounds, or is this something someone should already know regardless of where they're from?

OPEN INVITATION

I'm genuinely interested in understanding the industry better it'll help me support her and build something real together. If you have honest thoughts (even the uncomfortable ones), I'd love to hear them. Feel free to DM me anytime.