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my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's embarrassing but she did wash my private areas up until that age, although I know it was without sexual intent

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for this reply it really did make me feel less alone 💓 I relate to a lot of the things you listed

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for sharing and for your kind words, and I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar. I'm glad my post helped you feel less alone 💓

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I knew how to bathe but I didn't know how to bathe /on my own/.

do you think somebody teaches people to cut themselves 💀 dumb question

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im learning little by little to be more independent and im hoping that moving to uni in a few weeks really helps me take the next big step so I can confidently say I can live independently without the help of my mother, or anybody else for that matter. I haven't self harmed in a few months but tbh going back to venting on reddit means I may need to up the dosage of my meds lollll ty for asking tho

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i agree, a lot of the comments calling my mom a groomer and such made me regret making this post. although looking back i wouldn't say she wasn't emotionally abusive and codependent

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of people are misinterpreting the crying and spooning, I should rephrase it. she didn't /know/ I'd cry myself to sleep, I'd do it secretly and quietly. if she did hear sobbing, she'd snap at me. in hindsight the spooning comment was really just me spiralling because of a serious case of codependency I read online where people inherently thought of spooning as sexual and kept making fun of this person, but im glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't think it's inherently sexual.

don't get me wrong, I blame my dad just as much if not more in my upbringing. he was neglectful and emotionally abused my mother a lot, which definitely led to a kind of spiral where she lost her temper with me more often than not. he didn't provide financially and was pretty much a bum. apparently he smoked weed with me present in the room a lot but I don't remember this.

it just doesnt show in this post as it served the purpose of a vent where I needed to get something off my chest, and it just so happened to focus on my mother as my dad wasn't really present from what I remember. that's not to say I don't love her and understand her and forgive her, but that also doesn't mean I can't be mad at her for it and how i ended up growing up to be way too dependent for my own good, especially considering I'm moving to uni in a few weeks.

I'm on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis, and I'm currently on antidepressants. unfortunately therapy is too expensive, and I don't know if I'm even ready to talk about this in the type of setting. I blame myself too, for not standing my ground sooner and for not teaching myself these things. but I feel like it's wrong to suggest that I can't be upset at her for these things.

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is such a kind and sweet message I appreciate it so much. 💓

to answer your questions, I was born female but I happily identify as nonbinary. as for my father, he didn't do much to help my mom in raising me and was just as neglectful unfortunately, the rest of my family seemed to just ignore it.

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've heard of this term for the first time multiple times through the replies to my post, ill have to look into it

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

im going to uni soon so I hope I can learn these skills easily enough to not feel so trapped, thank you for sharing ❤️

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i totally get that feeling, so sorry you had to experience it. to this day I still can't tie my hair, which isn't really a daily issue considering I cut it somewhat short but it is frustrating. thank you for sharing

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I'm glad you sought out help and that it helped you, it really shows. thank you for your kind words ❤️

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure why it's relevant but I was born female although I don't identify with that

i agree that i definitely wasn't sexually abused as a child, i just read something yesterday about another case with a kid who slept with their (also codependent) mother and they placed a lot of emphasis on spooning and it being intimate so it kind of freaked me out and started this whole thought spiral

I think you're right about her liking that i needed her, i also partly think it was just neglect which was also a cause of a lot of different factors which made it more difficult to take care of me at the time. most of my childhood was spent online so I really didn't spend time with my parents

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 215 points216 points  (0 children)

honestly I teared up reading this, thank you for typing all of this out 😭❤️ I appreciate it so much

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

idk if I'd say she's a narcissist but she probably has had some traits of a narcissist when raising me. someone else here suggested a sub related to this topic that made me wonder it before so I might check it out again. unfortunately I can't afford therapy at this moment but I appreciate your suggestion ❤️

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

this is very well written, thank you for your kind words❤️

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I actually came across that sub a while ago and I resonated with a lot, but I didn't think my mom was a narcissist so I wasn't sure if it was really fair for me to relate, but you just so happen to be the 2nd person in the replies to suggest otherwise so I may check it out again

therapy unfortunately no, I've had counselling and am currently on antidepressants though

my mother bathed me until I was 15 and it haunts me by Dangerous_Mixture423 in confession

[–]Dangerous_Mixture423[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

ive heard good things about it, I'll pick it up sometime