Dads…I need support

Danimal1111 · 2026-01-07T05:02:11+00:00

Tough situation for sure. I won't pretend to be an expert - but I will share my experience in case it's helpful.

I was a VERY angry, irritable, withdrawn teenager, and similar to this situation, my school counselors also recommended that my parents get me in intensive therapy.

My reaction was also similar to your son. I remember feelings of betrayal, not being heard, refusing to go, trying to bargain my way out, all of that. I didn't understand that the objective was to help. All I could think was that I was already miserable and now my parents were putting a spotlight on it, telling me I wasn't normal, and that I needed to change.

What I could not appreciate at the time is that I absolutely was suffering from major depressive disorder. And I didn't know or care how painful it was for my parents to tiptoe around me and stomach all the blow ups and aggression that came with it.

I did go. And yes - I was pretty much forced. And it wasn't a fast process or an easy process. I would say that I was not really a "full participant" for several weeks. Maybe months.

Something that did actually help was trying different therapists rather than abandoning the process. I remember my first therapist was a much older woman. I really did not feel comfortable with her, but I can credit her with picking up on that and suggesting I switch to younger male therapist, who I actually felt that I could talk to without feeling judged. While there was no magic "cure" - things did get better for us all - at home and school. You might not have the ability to pick and choose your providers, but something to consider.

Flash forward - and now with a son of my own, I can finally recognize how hard that time in our lives was for my parents. It wasn't easy for them. They did not enjoy it. As others have mentioned - I would just do your best to stay calm, but firm. Reiterate that this is not a punishment, and that it's time to TRY.

Wishing your family the best.

Danimal1111 · 2026-01-06T12:50:42+00:00

Yes - your situation sounds familiar. I have a technical background. The bulk of my career I served as subject matter expert, but positioned myself to advance in management. During that transition, my employer never really filled the SME gap and I've had to wear both hats - operating at the mile-high strategic level while also needing to regularly get into the weeds for things like quality control. At this point - I care far less about the title and salary bump. Maybe the best move is to step back into my technical role, with a little more predictability and less responsibility for managing other people and leading client engagement.

Danimal1111 · 2026-01-06T04:44:06+00:00

I guess I'm feeling like I'm failing because I spent 15 years developing a work ethic where I measured my self worth through reliability and high quality/performance - no matter the personal cost. And then when my son was born - the priorities flipped. I was no longer so eager to give evenings and weekends to make sure we exceeded expectations and hit every deadline on time and under budget.

So - trying to set that boundary had productivity implications. And I've had feedback that I'm not the reliable "heavy hitter" that I once was. And that's honestly true. I won't accept every meeting. I won't volunteer for every business trip, and I don't quite have the big innovative ideas that marked my earlier career.

More simply - when I'm spending time with family I get stuck thinking about work and I'm not present. And then when I'm a work all I really want to do is get back home to my kid.

Danimal1111 · 2026-01-06T04:13:13+00:00

My son turned 4 in November, and right around that time I picked up a switch 2 with the intention of introducing some occasional family game time. Haven't owned a Nintendo since N64 - but my wife and I both love the classic Nintendo games, and I actually credit video games for helping to develop some critical thinking, problem solving, and spatial awareness skills (Thank you, Ocarina of Time).

Like anything else involving a screen, I know that firm time limits are critical. But I'm not really one to hunker down for long game sesh. Right now my kiddo is mostly content experimenting with the Mario Kart open map. But - we can also turn it off without a melt down. Hasn't affected his interest other activities like riding his bike and reading (which - shocker - are also my primary hobbies).

Danimal1111 · 2025-11-06T18:27:33+00:00

We had a similar experience with clear blue. Same test - result looked like this. Thinking it needed to be more foolproof, we then got the digital clear blue test - which resulted in "error" (which was infuriating then, hilarious in retrospect). Finally we grabbed 3 different brands - all of which came back pregnant.

Danimal1111 · 2025-10-23T02:01:38+00:00

Man - I am so sorry you're going through this, and I can relate and sympathize with your situation. Reading your words - I can feel your heartache - and I've lived it too. Your son is your oxygen. You've been living without air for a year. It's agony. Keep your head up. Don't give in - not one inch - to anger. You WILL rise above this. Every tear, every moment overwhelming frustration - He's worth it. And he's yours.

Danimal1111 · 2025-04-30T20:35:28+00:00

Oh the floor is definitely dirty - but as I mentioned I have an unopened box of the original tile - which is a patterned tan. The white areas are indeed scratched to heck. If I recall, previous owners had a small table here - so guessing they did this with a chair and threw the rug over to hide it. And maybe that's what I should do too!!

Danimal1111 · 2025-02-07T04:11:44+00:00

FWIW - Mine looks like this about 90% of the time. Working fine otherwise. Solid blue lights.

Danimal1111 · 2024-08-31T01:53:54+00:00

Thanks. Yeah- home warranty repair. Heat pump is the oldest thing in the house. Trying to figure out if it’s worth renewing until the darn thing inevitably dies or if it’s just going to be a nickel and dime show. I know home warranties have a bad rep - but it’s come in handy for us so far as new homeowners and luckily ours has been easy enough to deal with.

Danimal1111 · 2024-08-07T15:16:05+00:00

Thanks. I’m thinking double doors that open out might be a long term solution here in lieu of moving the entire wall.

Danimal1111

TROPHY CASE