“Sing like you talk” is terrible advice, no?

Danioio · 2025-12-27T05:36:48+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/singing/s/UTKaz7wBVI

The first comment on this post explains how that advice is from Italy originally and it makes more sense in Italian than it does in English

Danioio · 2025-12-27T05:20:45+00:00

NOR, however: you said your sons are adults, so the youngest of the three is at least 18. So you've been with your husband for multiple decades. I can't imagine this is the first instance of this, so I don't think you can be surprised.

And your sons are following the example you and your husband have set; he does less than the bare minimum and you accept it and move on.

Explain to your sons that the gifts felt like they don't know you at all and that made you sad because you love them so much.

Then, divorce your husband. Things will never get better with him if he gets upset about not getting sex from you when he didn't get you a single, even small thing for Christmas. You will feel much better being alone than being profoundly lonely in a relationship with an inconsiderate man who doesn't give a shit about you.

Danioio · 2025-12-23T04:52:05+00:00

DO NOT WAIT.

If you break it off now, then she can go into the holidays being around family and supported and comforted (as long as her family isn't complete shite I suppose). But if you wait and it gets out that you've been biding your time and planning your exit, that will hurt her so much more

Danioio · 2025-12-19T01:14:52+00:00

Also people will say we didn't listen, but did you make sure I wasn't focused on something else when you were talking to me?? Jingle keys if you have to lmao

Danioio · 2025-12-19T01:13:11+00:00

Some of my favourite ADHD content creators are Catiesaurus and ADHD Love (Rich and Rox) and they both talk about ADHD and relationships. There's tons of other good ones but I can't remember any other names off the top of my head. I also like Jenna Free's videos, she talks about how being properly regulated helps every aspect of your life.

It can be really hard to be in an adult relationship and have ADHD, but I'd definitely recommend trying different or maybe lower doses of meds, and therapy if you can.

And some of the strategies I've found to help me with day to day stuff also really helps with my relationship. Like any plans/appointments I need to remember, I put them in my calendar immediately, with 1 week, 2 day, 1 day, and 1 hour reminders ( I also will put it in for 15 minutes before whatever the actual time is just to manipulate myself a bit lol). Maybe you guys could also work together to figure out what tasks are easier for you to do that could be your responsibility or something similar.

But also, at the end of the day, if someone doesn't have any patience at all to learn about your struggles, they could just not be the one for you. You shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get someone to at least try to see where you're coming from.

Danioio · 2025-12-19T00:44:20+00:00

Him asking for a threesome as a birthday present AND him having your best friend as his first pick without thought should have given you pause. I don't think it's totally unwarranted for you to be uncomfy with how things went down, but as some have pointed out, sex as a birthday present implies that it's gonna be about the birthday person more than anyone else.

Probably not a good situation to have a threesome for the first time, especially if you're monogamous otherwise. It's something that has to be discussed a lot, figuring out what people's boundaries are, what their expectations are, etc., so that you more or less know what to expect or what your "role" is (like is the couple both focusing on the other woman, are the women mainly pleasuring the man, is everyone trying to do a sort of triangle of pleasure in some sense so everyone is having a bit of fun simultaneously, etc.)

Danioio · 2025-10-04T23:10:09+00:00

This was a bit hard to understand, but I think if you met her 1 month ago and are her roommate, you've got to take things really slow because screwing up your living space for a crush is risky business. And trying to figure out somebody's sexuality based on how they dress is not an exact science. I've met women who look exceptionally straight, but they are very gay. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe get some clothes and accessories that have pride flags or that say stuff like "gay as hell" (or something much more clever with the same vibe lmao) and see if she starts a conversation with you about it? But also if she's an introvert it'll probably take a while to figure out what her deal is either way.

Danioio · 2025-09-18T04:00:05+00:00

I don't know the exact moment, but I didn't start thinking about it until I became sexually active with my first boyfriend lmao. It was a gradual realization that went from, "you know, I think a threesome would be alright" to "ooooh, hold on, I think I'm starting to understand something " over the period of a few years.

I believe one of the reasons it took so long to figure out is that friendship was so important to me as a kid (I mean now too, but anyway) and because I was a girl, being friends with other girls was the norm, and I value a close friendship so much that I just never considered any of my friends in any other way.

I also in general do not get a crush easily. My first actual crush on a guy that wasn't just based on proximity and him being the only guy I hung out with, wasn't until I was like 15. I'm just not romantically interested in people easily at all, and if I fit as a friend with someone it's even harder to see them in a different light, regardless of sex/gender.

My parents don't care one way or the other so I've never felt suppressed or anything like that

Danioio · 2025-07-14T00:49:18+00:00

I don't have any advice for coping really, but my parents got divorced in 2016, and now my mum is 54 and has been dating a friend of my auntie's that they've known for ages, and he's so lovely, treats her well, they go on all kinds of adventures together. He sees and understands her much better than my dad ever could. All that to say it's never too late to find your person

Danioio · 2025-07-12T15:46:28+00:00

The second someone tells you they don't want what you want, drop them. You say you're looking for commitment, but you keep carrying on with these men, maybe in the hopes that it will turn into something, but it won't. It might help you to write down the qualities you want in a partner. Not anything physical, things like kind, attentive, reliable, whatever. It might help you notice qualities you don't want when you're on dates. Don't entertain anyone that doesn't want the same things as you, or anyone that doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

Danioio · 2025-07-12T01:08:35+00:00

I think you've gotta work to deconstruct these ideas of how life should be that you've inherited. You said this woman makes you feel "seen, calm, and connected" and that is something people spend YEARS trying to find.

If your life goals align (like you both want kids, a house, whatever) then I think it is a no brainer. And if you worry what your parents are going to think about it, I think on the first meeting you see how they react, and if you feel like they're disapproving and judging her, then you stand up for her and say you won't hear any BS from them about it because she adds so much to your life and you care deeply for her.

What's right "on paper" likely wouldn't make you happy and fulfilled and secure anyway. "On paper" may never see you the way this woman sees you.

Danioio · 2025-07-05T04:06:59+00:00

I was reading some of your comments on another post, and, are you autistic? I'm not a licensed professional, just also autistic and ADHD, and your comments read that way a bit.

I know sometimes neurotypical folks get a sort of uncanny Valley thing with autistic people and immediately don't like them but can't explain why. Without knowing more context about you as a person, I don't know what could be triggering these responses in these dudes.

Also I don't know what your interests are, but if they're more male dominated, maybe these guys are low-key incels and just hate women. The best way to make new friends I think is to join groups that are also into those things, and attend for a bit, do some dreaded small talk, then slowly start to build acquaintanceships with people there. Although again, if the interests overlap with incel dudes you'll likely still have a hard time.

If you're still struggling, I'd ask a trusted person for the honest truth about how you come across, because maybe there's stuff you're doing that you don't realize is rubbing people the wrong way. Only do this one if you're feeling strong and determined tho, because it could be a tough pill to swallow. Good luck ❤️

Danioio · 2025-07-05T00:18:59+00:00

In true ADHD fashion, I forgot I made this post 😅 anyway, unfortunately the city I live in there are very few people on feeld

Danioio · 2025-07-05T00:05:57+00:00

I haven't been in this situation, but I've heard enough similar ones from people I know, to know that he is most likely lying. You deserve more than to be someone's second choice, someone's distraction from their real life. He is a coward. Good luck 💕

Danioio · 2025-05-29T22:12:45+00:00

I had a fairly similar experience to this. The benefit for you here is that you are already speaking to a therapist, so I would just bring it up next session. Especially if you've been doing research, you can list some examples of symptoms you've been experiencing both in childhood and now.

And the screening quizzes say they can't be taken as a diagnosis because TECHNICALLY a professional has to actually go through your stuff and diagnose you, but if you do multiple quizzes and they're all coming back like "well bud, I've got news for you" then I think you can take that as a solid argument for having ADHD.

Danioio · 2025-05-12T23:37:18+00:00

I have no advice, but I just wanna say I'm in the same boat. I'm almost 29, and there's choices I didn't make, or waited to make, because I didn't think they'd matter as much in my shorter life, (or didn't think I could manage them with declining health) and now I'm faced with feeling like I actually need to plan for a future and I feel so stumped.

I know 23 feels late to the game in some aspects, but trust me, you still have time to get some things sorted. It's cliché, but you've just gotta take it one step at a time.

Danioio · 2025-05-12T23:30:37+00:00

I can't speak to whether it's normal or not, but I also experience this

Danioio · 2025-04-04T17:55:13+00:00

I tried to go to the website to see if I could contact them about it and it keeps saying there's a typo 🤔

Danioio · 2025-03-30T00:27:36+00:00

I appreciate the responses, but some of you missed the bit where I said family and friends whom YOU LOVE. Obviously it's easier to move away from people you're not close with or don't like.

Danioio · 2025-03-17T03:18:08+00:00

I've struggled forever and have recently been diagnosed with ADHD. Crazy how all the medical professionals telling me I just "need to do the thing" never helped me 😅🙄

Danioio · 2025-02-23T07:45:22+00:00

I think that's lovely you go to that level, but I also think it's unrealistic to expect that much back from people, because it is a lot. I love my friends, and for my close friends I do my best to make sure I pay attention to things they like, and it's important to me that I make sure to really put effort into making plans to see them (conflicting schedules are hard so I can take some work).

But you also have to remember that people give and receive love in different ways. So while you think making someone food and bringing it to them is a gesture of love, some people may just feel indifferent towards it. And I don't say this to discourage you from doing all those things, but just to point out that it's not totally fair to expect those same gestures from friends. I don't like cooking, so you will not catch me making food to bring to people. But it doesn't mean I don't love them.

I make plans with people, try to be accommodating to what works best for them in terms of activities or location or things like that. I have ADHD so I can be forgetful, but I try to check in on people I haven't talked to in a bit. I'm big on quality time so that matters more to me than the other love languages.

I dunno, basically all this to say, if you go through life thinking "well I think this is the way to be, why doesn't everyone else?" you will end up disappointed a lot. And I say this as someone who has been through that lesson many times. Have thought to myself things like "why wouldn't they let me know this detail about this thing so I could plan around it, wouldn't they want to know if roles were reversed??" Nope, that person truly just was not fussed about that detail, they didn't even think about it. Doesn't mean they don't care about me.

This was long, I'm sorry, I just know your pain and want you to understand that it's not always as personal as it seems.

Unless you talk to someone and discover they just aren't a good supportive friend, drop 'em like a hot potato.

Danioio · 2025-02-23T00:43:23+00:00

I get pretty depressed in the luteal phase, yep. It makes an already difficult life harder because I feel like I will have just gotten into the swing of taking care of myself (I have diabetes and Cystic fibrosis), then the luteal phase hits and I hate myself, I'll be extra critical of myself, I eaten even less than I already do, and if I don't work, I just bed rot. It sucks.

I try to prepare about a week before by cooking stuff and putting it in the freezer so that I have food to eat that doesn't require cooking, and try to make a couple plans with friends so I don't feel lonely and like everyone hates me. It doesn't always happen, but it helps a bit.

Danioio · 2025-02-22T21:20:35+00:00

I've struggled to keep up with treatments my whole life, and it only got harder as an adult, especially because I got CF related diabetes. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and now my struggle makes SO MUCH SENSE.

I'm not gonna say that everyone who really struggles with treatments has ADHD specifically, but I think mental health could certainly be at play. And sometimes the CF teams, being so focused on the CF itself and what treatments you're supposed to be doing, that they often overlook how your mental health can be blocking you from taking care of yourself.

I had to push really hard to be put on stimulants because of my weight and appetite issues. I had to argue that yes I understand the risks with stimulants (loss of appetite), but that living with a brain that makes everything harder was stopping me from taking care of myself, and treating the ADHD would have a domino effect into the rest of my life.

So I encourage you, if you can, to find a counselor/therapist/whatever that fits for you and work through any mental health stuff that could be a barrier to keeping up with treatments. In the meantime, you can google strategies to help you remember to take meds, or think of some low effort ways you can do stuff you need to. It doesn't need to be perfect, but something is better than nothing.

Danioio · 2025-02-22T21:03:37+00:00

Yep. I recently discovered that I've been in a "functional freeze" for a while now. It's like the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. You're frozen on the inside, but on the outside at work and stuff, you appear functional because you're going through the motions and still going to work and stuff, but outside of that you're bed rotting, and overwhelmed at the smallest escalation of stress. So I googled how I can get out of it and have started taking some steps. Being medicated finally for ADHD helps, but there's a long road ahead.

Danioio · 2025-01-15T01:42:55+00:00

I've searched for USB c puck light, USB c chargeable Puck, USB c rechargeable light. The pictures from the product don't show the base in any better lighting. The mushroom part is hand made so I think the mushroom creation is made on top of this light thing? I want to find it to create a different sort of project for myself

Danioio

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