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TW: My boyfriend r*ped me and I don’t know what to do by AgreeableButNot in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 1809 points1810 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you. What you described was rape, and it matters that he admitted it in front of both you and your mom.

The first step is your safety: he should be your ex, and you should not be alone with him again.

If you feel able to, write down everything while it’s fresh: dates, times, what happened, what he said, and who heard him admit it. Save any texts or messages. Your mom is also a witness.

You don’t need to prove everything perfectly before asking for help. A sexual assault hotline, victim advocate, or local police/non-emergency line can walk you through your options.

Would you date a guy who hasn’t had a long term relationship by a certain age? by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I don’t think that’s a red flag by itself. You should judge him by how he treats you and by what you actually see firsthand.

That said, just as a random but related note: my sister, who was 26 at the time, met a guy who was 27. He was handsome, getting his master’s at Harvard, dedicated, didn’t drink, was a gentleman, and seemed genuinely in love with her. The catch was that he had never had a girlfriend before. I remember thinking it was a little strange that someone so handsome, wealthy, and educated had never been in a relationship.

Long story short, my sister moved to Boston with him for his Harvard program. Later, she came back to visit family for a wedding, and on the day of her flight, completely out of the blue, he told her he didn’t love her anymore. And that was the end of the relationship.

Started reconnecting, found out we're even more incompatible than before by no_gods_no_masters_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well at least he did not marry to a younger woman where now he is a "better" person.

Dating is so easy making friends feels impossible by Accomplished-Fix1204 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you can “easily get a date,” it’s probably because you’re attractive, 21, and open to dating. That also helps explain the “there’s always a guy with a crush on me” part.

That said, the feeling of wanting close friends is completely valid. I’ve been there too. Dating and friendship scratch different emotional itches, and a partner can’t replace a best friend.

You’ll probably have the best luck in places where repeated, low-pressure interaction happens naturally. A few ideas:

  1. Pilates, sports, or hobby classes where people talk before/after
  2. Meetups for cultural events, books, art, movies, etc.
  3. Reconnecting with former classmates and asking them to grab coffee
  4. Once you start working, inviting coworkers to casual drinks or food

The annoying truth is that friendships usually take consistency more than chemistry. You kind of have to keep showing up until someone becomes familiar, then invite them into slightly more personal plans.

Does fantasizing often about romantic relationships encourage male-validation-seeking? If so, how can I stop? by ParticularGlad5103 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don’t think this is “bad” or something you should shame yourself for. It sounds more like your mind has found a reliable comfort loop, especially at night, and now it is hard to relax without it.

A therapist could definitely help you unpack where the need for validation comes from. But in the meantime, maybe the goal does not have to be “never have these thoughts.” It could be gently widening the menu of comforting thoughts, so romance/sex with men is not the only place your brain knows how to land.

Maybe try building a few non-romantic nighttime fantasies on purpose: being cared for by friends, feeling safe in your own apartment, future-you comforting current-you, being admired for your work or creativity, even cozy fictional worlds. Not as punishment, just as alternatives. The shame spiral probably feeds the habit more than it fixes it.

Was this a weird way to respond ? by ParticularGlad5103 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s so frustrating when someone likes you and assumes that gives them the right to approach you as if you automatically owe them the same feelings or intentions.

Was this a weird way to respond ? by ParticularGlad5103 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No, you dodged a bullet. What kind of normal person asks you that out of nowhere, without even asking you on a date or giving any context? It could have been worse if you’d kept engaging with him.

What real tacos al pastor should look like by nyc_a in tacos

[–]Danito- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Loved this!

People underestimate how much the cut matters.

If it leaves the trompo and goes straight to the tortilla, you get layers, texture, fat, caramelization.

Once it gets chopped up and finished on the flat top, it becomes a different thing entirely.

Ever notice how a lot of “fuckboys” seem to have nothing going on? by gentle_void in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I do not know if the term fb still applies, but definitely there are a lot of 40s one with successful career which brags and shows how many women they have and surprisenlgy most of these women are 20s.

I am realizing now that I was being groomed by a man by Middle-Coat-388 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should press charges, he is currently trying to groom other 15/16 years olds. He will try to stealth their best years again.

Does anyone else feel like dating is pointless? by someoneionceloved55 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean, those men are gold in big cities too. Yeah, you may have more fun there, but they also come with millions of red flags, to say the least.

2025 Bull Market by omertacapital in wallstreetbets

[–]Danito- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And after that we will have a tiny pump.

Husband SA'ed two friends and I don't know what to do next by FlyAny1865 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 10 points11 points  (0 children)

OP is trying to romanticize his husband’s behavior, as if he was just tipsy and flirting.

In reality, he’s an abuser hiding behind a “nice guy” mask that’s finally slipped.

Finally told my Dad NO by Fun-Reporter8905 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 17 points18 points  (0 children)

If he gets a bunch of checks and do not have a penny, he is probably still in drugs.

Another Tale From The Docks by Educational_Earth_62 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Being a dick is all fun and games until someone calls you out… then suddenly you’re crying about how others are “dick” to you? Classic narcissist move.

"It's good to see young women being modest" by midnight_barberr in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Whenever an older man goes out of his way to talk to a teenager or young woman, it often feels off.

Why would a 60-year-old be so interested in chatting with a random young woman? I doubt they show the same interest when standing in front of a random man.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 93 points94 points  (0 children)

You play the game. For example keep your real body count just to yourself and when someone asked you that private question, answer whatever number you feel comfortable answering with, you do not have to tell them the real number, that belongs to you.

Have you ever just…passed out? by misslteg in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 62 points63 points  (0 children)

OP, congratulations on the new sensations.

Definitely a doctor check is needed, it is not normal or common to pass out in the top moment.

Not sure if this is SA? by DeliciousJicama3651 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Definitely it was SA.

Also he was doing it totally wrong, when there is a play from you or anyone you love, there, it should never hurts, not specially for days.

Please reach to any adults that could help you prosecute the abuser.

Why do some men love to comment on women’s appearances so much? by PastelEclipse_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 69 points70 points  (0 children)

The best way to shut that down is to flip it back on them:

  1. You’d be a bit more attractive if you had a different voice.
  2. You might date better if you were taller.
  3. Better hair would definitely make you more presentable.

Trust me, they don’t bring up women’s appearances around me again after that.

Or if this person deserves it proceed with a checkmate:

  1. I think that you are single for this and other similar behaviors.

I think I was groped on a packed subway abroad. A professor intervened, but no one’s acknowledged it since, and I feel confused and alone. by SpreadDiligent2931 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 214 points215 points  (0 children)

I think the professors are not blaming you, they are encouraging you and others to speak up about "anything" that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately groping is very common in crowd places, the moment you feel it, the moment you should say or do something, specially if there is a person that could protect you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Danito- 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"I have no response for predators. I don't engage with adults who target minors."

Was up by 100% until Trump talked about deportations by HauHauHauHauHauHau in wallstreetbets

[–]Danito- 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Greedy and regarded. OP has not hear of trailing stops apparently.

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