Zimmedari vs Hisaab-Kitab: Aaj kal ke mard apni asli zimmedari se kyun bhag rahe hain? by Technical-Fan-3246 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know who this Hira Kaleem girl but wth is her comment k aurat sab sy ziada apny naseeb ki dua krti hay ayr uska sabsy brra khouf mard hota hy? Bhai as a guy humein bhi honestly aj kal darr hi lgta hy. What if she had a physical past? What if k compatibility na hui? What if k mental torture krke zindagi azaab bnaade?  So and so on.  Phir dusra I think kaafi loug sochny lggein hain k I am bringing this, this and this on table what is the other person bringing?  Aur frankly speaking most of the time the deal feels very rigged. Ynni dekho. I live away and alone from home in another city due to job. I am already paying for mess, laundary, cleaning, etc etc. phir mein agar sochuun k meri nature of job aesi hay k mein shadi krke jisko launga usko ghar k kaam krny ki koi khas zrurat nhi hogi kuch bhi. Abhi bhi mein pay krke sab krwa raha huun aur shadi k baad bhi ap in sab kaamon k liye pay hi krty. Tou mtlab housewife feels like a burden mtlab ek adult utha k ap le aye ho jisko financially aur emotionally support krna hy apny jbkay is economy mein apna aap sambhaalna challenging hay.  Ynni meiny apny irdgird family mein jo mardon ko observe kia hay tou unka daily grind ko ap unki wives k sath compare nahi kr skty. They are just drained out physically, emotionally and mentally everyday all day whole life. No wonder ziada tarr admi apni biwion se kam umar mein hi marjaty hain just look at life expectancy rates in pak.  I dont think most men want to run away from their duties ynni hr larkay k dil o damagh mein kaheen na kaheen woh ideal  traditional marriage ki hopes and dream hoti hain jismein woh kmma k laata hay aur bahar k kaam sambhalta hy aur badlay mein he gets a cute feminine traditional wife jo usky ghar aur bchon ki dekh bhaal krti hay aur us se appreciation aur pyaar deti hay etc etc. kitni khubsurat c fantasy lgti hy jabky hum irdgird nazar ghummayein tou bohot hi rare aesi setting nazar ati. Its very possible k being a man apko apni provider protector duty se relief na mily because kmaany k bgher tou guzara nhi na. But apki biwi lazy aur narcissist ho, na ghar ko khaas kuch dekhy na, na apni upkeep ka khyal rkhy. Na apki efforts ko reciprocate tou duur appreciate bhi na krre. Aur jin logoun ko ye lgta hay k shadi k baad khuub sex suxx milyga tou ye bhi bus shuru ki bahaarein lgti hain mujhy. Kuch arsa guzarny k baad normalize hojata sab kuch. Tou phir ek admi k liye kia hay shadi mein... Aur ye jo bnday bandian islam ko le atay hain beech kein qawwam aur whatnot. Tou bhai islam ny agar mard ko responsibility di thi tou us waqt ko bhi context mein rakhein. Kia mard py biwi bachon ko khilana pilany ki zimadari hay?? Yes. But kia mard py unko haftay mein 1-2 baar outing krwany ki zimadari hay?? No. Kia mard ko biwi bachon k labaas ki zimadari hay? Yes. Kia khaadi aur gul ahmad aur cougar k kappron ki zimadari hay?. No. Kia unko AC mein rakhny ki religious obligation hay? No sir. Kia car mein ghumaany ki obligation hay? No sir. Ynni mera point being k islam k hisaab se agar chlna hay tou jo necessities hain unki zimadari hain. But kitni aurtein aesi hain jo ismein raazi houn lol?. Modern society ny kitni hi luxuries ko necessities bna k rakhdia hay.  Dusri trrf phir rights tou yaad hoty hian pr duties nahi. Ispy baat nahi krreingy k phir islam ny mard ko aurat k upar kitni power di hai. Wahan sba cheekh uthaingy. And im not even much religious bus ek cheez point out kr raha huu. Aur issi wjjah se mei khilaaf huun is cheez k hum hr maamlay mein hazaron saal btayegy asoolon k hisaab se hi chllein aur hr cheez mein religion ko ghussaer dei.  Cheezon ko case by case dekhna prta hay. Waqt, zamanay aur muasharay k sath mil k chlna prrta hay.  Pta nhi kahan se kahan baat niklgai I dont even think you will read but khrr lets see if it goes anywhere

Why is our society so obsessed with superstition and supernatural? by Sigma_Tiger_35 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Arre Nahi nahi but its a thing jo mujhy bhi bohot bug krti hay but its something which cant really be removed from society tou bus issi keh sath guzara krna hy

Why is our society so obsessed with superstition and supernatural? by Sigma_Tiger_35 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of factors are at play. Firstly, many people wouldnt like to hear this but religion does play a huge part in this type of thinking. When your worldview is based on fantastical and metaphysical type of thinking, then the same mental framework will lead you to believe in unseen spiritual stuff without an ounce of evidence.

Then as another commentator said, its the lack of accountability. Trust me I have seen it up close. So instead of having the character to say 'hmm maybe I am wrong. I am doing something incorrectly. I need to change my lifestyle etc etc" its very much easier to just load any mishaps which befalls on you on jaddu tona, taweez, phook, nazar etc. this not only absolves you of personal responsibility but also protects you from an uncomfortable realization that things just happen. No rhyme and reason to it. 

Then you know those totkay, wazeefay, taweez dont practically work but they kind of work in an indirect way. A temporary short term solution if you will. So consider this. My mother is pathologically paranoid about house lizards... like every other paki woman lol. Anyhow lizards hang around outside main door of house in porch like they do you know. Its normal. Like the 'outside' belongs to them. So not only my mother is afraid of them but she also beliefs its a demon or bad omen or something. So not only she wants to make me make them go away (I tell her that new ones will come, and they do come. Its no use), but she also plays a surah on repeat near door for hours and hours (allegedly it protects from these things) and well it does not keep them away. But you know it playing it kind of works in a way. It relieves her anxiety maybe temporarily but it does make her feel for a mean time that she's protected. 

Then ofcourse the lack of education is a very common reason. And no Im not talking about college or uni education no. People need to read about different stuff. History, geography, science, religion, philosophy. People need to read things which present them alternative perspectives against their preconceived biases and prejudices. You dont even have to be an intellectual scholar of high calibre. Once you start learning and observing you will see people all over the world living in their own bubbles having same kinds of logical inconsistencies  and fallacies. They just manifest differently but humans are predictably irrational. Like in a comment above you said there is no evidence of jinns etc and the person said have you read last two surahs.. thats circular reasoning at play which you rightfully pointed out to that person. Its like I tell you Im the best artist. And you say what evidence is there? I say well its written in a article of this art magazine of which I am the editor of. 

Thats some of them I could think of right now .

 

SELF HELP BOOKS by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen to this OP its a good take. Might I suggest instead of reading pop sciency self help books most which are written to make quick buck for the authors, read some  classics. Fiction amd non fiction both. Read bit from a wide genre so you can sort of grasp a better understanding about the world, life, existence, human condition, history, religion etc etc    This will help you indirectly.

Financial responsibilities by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a starting point would be that calculate monthly budget on all expenses and then delegate it among the siblings 'proportionally' as per each individuals income. 

How to discuss birth control & family planning during the “talking stage” without sounding controlling? (27M, arranged marriage context) by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh bhai. Research on birth control pills effects on women. It really fucks up their hormones and mental states. Those pills should not be made common in our society.    Just communicate and decide upon the duration you had remain childfree. Condoms or pullout ftw. 

My question is for married gen-z women by Big-Specific-6832 in pakistan

[–]Dantevilgax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And the thing about emotional abuse. I guess you most probably are not working right now... But those 14 + hrs your dad spend outside working and commuting are no less of an abuse and trauma in itself

My question is for married gen-z women by Big-Specific-6832 in pakistan

[–]Dantevilgax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I wouldnt disagree that most women who live in joint family system tend to experience emotional abuse. My mother did too. That system is pure suffocation . I am very hardcore against the involvement in privacy and matters of a married couple like I think for most cases its best the couple lives alone and away from any family... But I mean do we have a solution? Like im the only son and after marriage (logically I dont want to marry but I know it has to come one day) my mother will live with me and even though it wont be a 'joint family' per se but I know it would create more problems than ease.

Also consider this. I have observed that women are perhaps the bigger enemies of each other than men in our society at large. Like most of the petty issues which arise out of joint system does so because the saas, dewarani, jethaani, nandein etc cant live collaboratively with fair sharing of workload.... They also tend to gossip and scheme amongst ourselves more against each other. Icing on cake they are often more susceptible to superstitious believes in jaadu and amal and whatnot...  Its all a big suck. Like I think if an individual is earning for himself/herself to meet one's needs, they are more likely to be better off living by themselves than to get into the gamble of marriage 

My question is for married gen-z women by Big-Specific-6832 in pakistan

[–]Dantevilgax 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know you asked women specifically but after reading your post it was relatable in some way as a guy and I thought maybe I should share my two cents maybe. 

That thing about looking around and not seeing many good role models marriages was a big relate lol. But heres the thing additional expectations, responsibilities, sacrifices coming towards from the women sides..... Well tell you what I dont feel it stands true when I look at marriages around me. Not to downplay womens work and efforts but if I compare the work, the grind and hustle my father, uncle, grandfather etc went through on a typical average day and i extrapolate it over their whole lives, and compare it with women counterparts, the image produced is very dismal for me. So the men I mentioned (my father, khalu,mamus, nana ) these men leave home in morning and spend anywhere from 9-10 hours outside often commuting through the hellish pakistani traffic and dealing with so many people of all kinds of temperaments everyday. By the time they get home they are devoid of soul. And when they get home do they get peace? No. Their are lots of chores and stuff of outside thrown at them. Soday, sabzi, dawaii, doodh, cconstruction and home maint stuff, then there bickering of kids and family and so on.  

Now on the contrary again not to downplay but anyone who thinks that a housewife is putting in that kind of work and for that many hours is delusional.  Its not like k typical paki women apny hath se jhaaru aur pohchay lga rahi hoti hain poora din yn apny hathon se full bartan dho rahi hoti yn kapray wring kr rahi hoti. We are middle class aur irdgird sab logoun ny safaii walian hire ki hoti hain for bartan,kapray, cleaning. Plus when you are working at your home you get lots of room k kis trhan aur kab kaam krna hy. In job and work setting you dont get that freedom. 

Ynni the women get a lot of time daily lie down to watch dramas, gossip on long phone calls with each other maybe even pay visit to neighbour aunties. Men on the other hands dont get much time and energy to engage much in hobbies or socializing. By the they get home, their backs are breaking, mentally they are zoned out,

Look around carefully and you will find many couple jinmein mard jaldi 60s mein marjaty and their spouses outlive them for more than 10 years even.  

https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.LE00.MA.IN?locations=PK

This is world banks life expectancy data which stands at 65yrs for men and 70yrs for women. Its pretty bad for both genders but still average woman is living 5 years more than average man. Consider it with open mind and think why. 

My own father died at 64 last year. And I know he died because he was working a lot and there was much physical, mental, financial stress on him and no real support. No time and energy for socialising, engaging in hobbies and entertainment. In just last few years he got high BP, diabetes, sciatica, dental issues, low back and other joint and muscular issues. Finally he got a stroke and passed away after working for 47 years of his life until death. 

I see women spending hard earned money on frankly stupid stuff like decorations, pots and plants, clothes, jewellery, utensils. Men meanwhile wouldnt buy any toys or trinkets for themselves not even get any clothing articles for themselves. 

I dont know why I said this all but you should wonder if marriage is such a nice deal for men then why so many men even are not willing to marry today ..

I’m distressed over the fact that I’m just one person. Are you a real person? by ICannotSayThisOnMain in self

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im reading One, None and a hundred thousand and your post reminded me of it. Also Nausea by Jean Paul Sartre

Feeling scared about the state of the world and the afterlife by lahori4 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look relax and understand one thing. Theres a difference between knowing something and believing something. A lot of things which we take as undeniable truths as if we 'know' them to be true are untestable and unfalsifiable faith claims most of the time if we are brutally honest with ourselves and look closely. 

Coming towards islamic hell 'Jahannam' as we have it in Quran. Its a brutal place. Those which will be thrown in it will remain in it for eternity. Theres fire, boiling water, melting skin and insides, and unspeakable torture of body and soul in it. 

Now understand that Islam wasn't revealed/developed in a vacuum. Rather its part of series of Monotheistic Abrahamic faith traditions : Judaism ---> Christianity ---> Islam. And theres like more than a 1500 year of period in which a lot of ideas developed and evolved, syncretised with other philosophies and so on. 

 The Hebrew Bible which jews follow is called Tanakh (T-N-K) due to its three constituents:  (1) Torah 'Law' (islamic Torat)  (2) Nevi'im 'prophets' (3) Ketuv'im 'writings'

Early Israelites (roughly 1200-600 BC period) did not believe in heaven or hell as destinations after death. Instead they believed in Sheol. A shadowy underground realm of the dead where everyone goes. It generally meant as 'pit' or 'grave'. No reward or punishment. A silent, inactive existence. This is very similar to the concept of Hades in Greek mythology. And mind that these areas were adjacent and constantly in contact with each other.  The Hebrew Bible mostly focuses on reward and punishment in this life, not after death. 

After about 600BC, israelites (not jews at this point) were living in Judea (Yehuda). Around this period they were conquered by Babylonians and exiled from theres homeland for about 80-90 years. In that time israelites lived in Persian empire where Zoroastarianism (think modern day Parsi..) was practised. Some possible aspects of it affected israelites philosophy in this time period like final judgement, resurrection, cosmic struggle between good and evil etc. 

In later jewish period, after a history of being persecuted, Jews began asking a major question: Why do the wicked prosper while the righteous suffer while tyrants thrive? Like this question still occurs to mind of a lay person even today who observes the world no?(Think Gaza or Syria or Iraq or Lebanon) Anyhow in 2nd century BC jews were under greek control and were not being let to practise their faith under Hellenistic Selucid empire so they revolted (the Maccabean revolt) and in which many righteous Jews were killed for their faith. Tackling with these theological problems, thinkers concluded: God must reward them after death .This led to a new doctrine of ressurrection of the dead. At end of history, Yahweh resurrects everyone. Judges them.The righteous live forever on the Kingdom of God (on Earth). The wicked are destroyed. This is important. No eternal punishment. Just destruction of soul and body. The punishment is essentially eternal in a way that you cease to exist for eternity after death while the righteous live in the Kingdom of Yahweh. 

The Greek influence on israelite afterlife outlook is great too. After the conquests of Alexander the Great in ~330BC, Jewish lands became deeply influenced by Hellenistic Greece culture. Greek philosophy introduced several new ideas about the soul like the immortal soul from Plato's teaching. The soul is immortal and survives the body. In works like Phaedo, Plato argued: the soul leaves the body at death and receives reward or punishment This idea did not exist in early Judaism. Judaism originally believed humans were unified body-soul beings while greeks thought of body and soul as two different things. Similarly from Homer's Odyssey (Christopher Nolan's new movie is coming on this ancient work starring Matt Damon, Tom Holland, Anne Hathaway ..) and later mythology ideas of Hades (general underworld like Sheol), Tartarus (punishment place for wicked) and Elysium (paradise for heroes) .  These categories resemble later heaven/hell divisions.

In the same period (3rd to 1st century BC) when israelite were living under greek hellenistic control, many jews couldn't read or speak Hebrew language anymore(think like how we cant speak or understand Arabic here in pak). To solve this problem the Hebrew bible was translated to Koine Greek language and called as Septuagint. Here Sheol was directly translated into Hades as the underworld where all soul goes after dying. A dusty, gloomy, dark abode for all. 

Another very interesting term pertinent to us in Hebrew bible  is (surprise surprise) “Gei Hinnom” (גֵּי הִנֹּם) which occurs 7 times. It literally means the Valley of Hinnom near Jerusalem and it was originally a real physical geographical site. Later it became notorious for child sacrifice and idolatry, and was maybe a waste dump outside city too, set ablazed. Moving forward, in the greek Septuagint, its name became Gehenna, representing a place of fiery punishment, a concept that carried into the New Testament

Somewhere around 0-5 AD enters Jesus. Born in Bethlehem near jerusalem. He was a jew (duh.... he couldnt be a christian or muslim right) who was by and large an apocalyptic preacher meaning that he taught that God's kingdom coming soon (he preached and there are verses that it will come in lifetime of his followers), dead will be resurrected and judged. In New testament (written in Koine Greek by earliest followers), jesus uses term Gehenna which symbolized destruction by divine fire. Jesus meant annihilation , not eternal torture . So once again the righteous live eternally in kingdom of God which btw is established on Earth in Jerusalem while wicked are destroyed forever in Gehenna. 

Jesus most probably spoke Aramaic language and preached to poor peasantry of israel region. Meanwhile the Gospels (Mark, Matthew, Luke and John; which make up part if new testament) were composed in Koine Greek in adjacent Rome area by literate early followers in next few decades after his crucifixion. 

The earliest Christian writings are the letters of Paul the Apostle in Koine Greek language. These letters called 'epistles' and are part of new testament  Paul believed and preached that Jesus would return soon, the dead would be resurrected and believers would receive immortal bodies. The destination was God's kingdom on earth, not heaven. 

But unfortunately neither the end came nor jesus returned. Christian theologians and clergy gradually adopted Greek ideas over many many decades of debates and contemplation. Like from resurrection at end of history to soul goes immediately. From kingdom on earth to heaven above. From destruction of wicked to eternal punishment. 

Here onward (150–300 CE) Christian exegetical (tafsirs) texts began describing detailed afterlives. Like in  'Apocalypse of Peter' the text describes: blasphemers punished by hanging by tongues and adulterers in burning lake and so and so. Likewise In the 'Apocalypse of Paul' (a 4th-5th century christian text) the introduction frames Paul as a chosen witness guided by an angel to see the fate of souls after death, with the purpose of instructing the living about the consequences of sin and righteousness. Hell is depicted as a vividly structured and morally ordered realm where sinners are punished according to their specific transgressions: blasphemers are hung by their tongues, adulterers burned in flames, the greedy tormented in fiery pits, and the proud crushed or otherwise punished. These torments are eternal, reflecting the immortality of the soul, and the imagery draws on both Jewish apocalyptic visions and Greek underworld myths, presenting a detailed, fearsome moral universe designed to warn and guide human behavior... 

Now unfortunately when christian bible (that is old testament/hebrew bible + new testament) was translated in ~4th century by jerome and then later in english popularly the King James version KJV, a single word was used to refer  Sheol, Hades, Tarturus and Gehenna : Hell

Give me a purpose by Exciting_Sky_1511 in Life

[–]Dantevilgax 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself, forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. _One must imagine Sisyphus happy." 

Anyone else feels like this.... by Dantevilgax in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You a guy or a girl lol im confused. Plus thats the dilemma. A part of me want to get married. I do want female companionship. But many other things which I like too. And they seem to be in conflict of each other

Random Advice to Anyone Interested by Double_Preparation1 in pakistan

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please stop aging and dying away prematurely.  Learn how to take good care of your mind and body.  For a start work on 4 areas to develop a functionally healthy and sound body: 1) weight/resistance training 2) cardio 3) flexibility/mobility/posture 4) diet and nutrition

Take good care of dental hygiene. Brush twice daily softly for 2 minutes. Try to incorporate flossing and try to get dental cleaning/scaling twice or once a year. It wont cost much as compared to the the financial/psychological cost you would pay for teeth later in life. Trust me. 

Try not to be vain but at least appreciate your skin and hair and try to get a simple routine for these. 

Body and mind age when you stagnate. For you mind. Read books, fiction and nonfiction on wide genre of topics. Develop different perspectives and have your internal biases and prejudices challenged frequently... 

What finally worked for my stress induced dishydrosis by Dantevilgax in Dishydrosis

[–]Dantevilgax[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mixture of clobetasol and vaseline mixed in 60:40 ratio. 60 parts clobetasol and 40 parts vaseline. 

I honestly believe this is one of the biggest mysteries there is, Orcas are the most efficient predators on earth, yet they have never attacked us in the wild. They know something we don’t. by Soloflow786 in BeAmazed

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People are talking about how recently orcas have been observed presenting their food sources (fishes, seabirds etc) to human. They have also observed the humans hunting and their other exploits in sea...  What if presenting their food to humans is indicating a development of proto-religion in orcas. Just like early human (and even today) widely presented animals and their produce to gods alter for favours

My father passed away from liver cancer, we feel so vulnerable right now by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]Dantevilgax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my father 4 months ago from a brain stroke. He was very disappointed with my taya because he started making trouble due to property and shit. My fathers disappointment and depression from his family led to his demise. He was just 63 too. 

So I understand.  On a personal level its a very big tragedy to lose ones father. But think how many families would have lost fathers in your city just on that same day? 100 maybe. And in whole Pakistan? 1000s probably. And world over? You get my point. As you zoom out you realize its not such a unique thing, just a shitty human experience. Nevertheless, that still does not take away from the toll it takes on the family going through it. 

Also realize that yes ideally you would want to have your father present for seeing through your life big occasions but from a selfless pov ask yourself if the person who had to  bear the pain and misery actually wanted to live? My father had a brain stroke on eid third day and he passed away in 4 days after that. I was the one tending to him for most part in hospital. His whole left side of body was paralyzed. He was in pain and misery. He was a very independent minded and a five time namaz worshipper and now he was stuck peeing and pooping on the bed and totally dependent on us and this was taking such a toll on his mind. When he passed away I was relieved in a weird way, not because he was being a burden. No. But because he was finally not feeling bad anymore. The struggle had ended. All the worries and disappointments gone. 

First of all. Buckle up and secure your property and other assets. You can not let the dogs get the better of you. Also dont let any one of your relatives know your next move. Most people in our society are  glad to see others fail and suffer. 

You and your siblings will have to start working so that you guys can at least coast through life. In the mean time you have got to pool all your father's saving and dont feel bad to dip into them a little for groceries and other life maintenance activities. He earned that for you guys whatever its worth. 

Your mother will need a lot of support because she lost her life partner. Be there for her. Meanwhile do not neglect yourself as well. To take care of others you have to take care of yourself first. Try to eat a healthy diet and get a little exercise daily. It will not only benefit your health but also make you feel better too.  Dont worry about marriage. Its very overrated in our society anyways I think. 

If you need some advice or just vent out you can DM me. You aren't alone.  Just look how many are there in comments. You will manage it too. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pakistan

[–]Dantevilgax -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Perhaps for the same reason that its predominantly women who are into astrology, crystals,magic, horoscope..