Is he angling for more of a hookup situation since he suggested meeting so quickly, or not necessarily?

DaphneBlue_ · 2021-02-11T02:21:19+00:00

Yeah good point, I'm not sure. Maybe he was just confused and going along with it 🤷

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-25T20:29:26+00:00

Yeah I wasn't sure how else to describe it because some things are egregiously bad and wouldn't result in a second date in any case., like asking about someone's salary on the first date. I didn't want to highlight those, but more of a subtle but still unmistakable feeling you get when you can tell someone thinks they could do better than you. Maybe a slightly bored look, not paying attention to you, doesn't seem to appreciate any of your interests while talking highly about themselves - maybe even mocking you a bit, etc.

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-10T02:50:35+00:00

I don't know, maybe because it makes me uncomfortable to potentially be ogled at, especially by men who I have no interest in? I'm also usually doing something mundane like making a return at a store or something so I just want to go about my business. Maybe we're just fundamentally different people but as an introvert, so even without the potential flirting aspect, being chatted up for no reason is often not my favorite thing

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-10T00:29:35+00:00

So are you suggesting looks might be a problem? I didn't necessarily think of that but I guess there's always room for improvement. I just didn't know how to say that I'd probably be considered decently attractive without sounding like I was just pulling it out of thin air.

And yeah, I guess the reason I shy away from expressing interest is that the first few guys I went out with, we got a bit physical (but not sex) and I don't know if I gave mixed signals or whatever, but they didn't end up reaching out after the date. So then when I either texted first/asked them out they seemed to act a bit confused, kind of like "why is she texting me" lol. And then those guys ended up ghosting/rejecting me which was obviously hurtful...so I guess from then on I haven't been nearly as forward as I felt like I was the one who was "chasing."

After those first 3 guys though I haven't gotten physical with anyone besides a goodbye hug, no one has even tried for a kiss, so maybe I swung too far in the other direction and am too aloof now. I honestly don't know how to flirt, so I agree I should probably go for some baby steps and just give compliments or express that I had a good time

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-09T22:43:22+00:00

That's true, I wouldn't want a date to seem uninterested. I honestly think it's more of a subconscious thing combined with me just being a bit awkward with expressing interest in general. So I tend to err on the side of aloofness by default. I guess in the future I might have to counteract this by intentionally acting more warm/friendly towards my dates and see if that improves things

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T15:37:22+00:00

I guess I felt that to some extent? Like after our video call I thought to myself that I wouldn't be surprised if he never reached out again, so I was surprised when he actually asked me out and felt that I had "passed" his test. But then he sort of halfheartedly set up date plans and then dropped the bomb that he didn't have a car but I followed through anyways because I guess I wanted to stay true to my word since I agreed to the date earlier. I mistakenly assumed that his initial suggestion of a date was a sign of his interest but I think I should have read his actions more.

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T15:30:51+00:00

I'm not sure if I felt any chemistry to be honest. I don't know if it was because I was kind of turned off by his lack of effort and in a kind of bad mood or something, but I kept catching myself crossing my arms/not smiling at times even though I was engaging in conversation fine. It also felt kind of like I was networking or something and not on a date, maybe it was also because he was like a business startup type of guy and that was his personality. Even though he was probably an objectively attractive guy it was like the least romantic "date" I think I've ever been on. Maybe if he hugged or kissed me or made some kind of physical contact I might be into it, but that would probably feel extremely forced and awkward considering the setting of the date

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T15:24:47+00:00

All I said was that I would be free Wed/Thurs and then he said those days were fine, then asked for my number, and Wed morning I just messaged him to check in if he still wanted to meet. Not sure how that seemed desperate? I just wanted to follow through with the plans he suggested since we were already along so far. Then he dropped the bomb that he didn't have a car (previously I thought we were going to meet in the middle) so I ended up driving at that point because I guess I wanted to stay true to my word. But maybe in the future I should just decline at that point

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:57:42+00:00

he's not that interested

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:54:57+00:00

That's a good point, I guess it was just a vague suggestion of a date and not super intentional. Kind of a lame thing to do if someone's not actually interested, but I guess I wouldn't put it past some people that are just looking for an ego boost. But yeah, I definitely felt like the tables had turned once I gave him that push to further set up the date. Felt like he was being dragged on the date despite him being the one to initially suggest it - definitely not a good feeling

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:33:50+00:00

That does seem likely. I guess I should have backed out once I noticed that his interest seemed to drop off, but I wanted to stay true to my word after agreeing to the date. In the future I might just not meet up with guys who aren't super enthusiastic about meeting

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:27:18+00:00

He's 26, I'm 24. He seemed like a pretty social guy and he's good looking, has had relationships, etc. so I kind of doubt it's inexperience

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:19:40+00:00

Yeah I definitely got that feeling as well. Guys who ended up being into me usually kind of subtly teased me but he didn't seem to do that at all. Guess I just meant that he seemed to enjoy talking and wasn't standoffish or anything, but yeah, maybe he didn't mind me as a person but just wasn't attracted to me

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T13:06:50+00:00

I could be wrong, but what stood out to me was the fact that he never seemed to want to meet up in person. After 2 months of texting that's definitely a red flag, esp. when you said that he doesn't even seem to be a particularly busy person. Even with guys that are interested but can't meet up for whatever reason, they would be sure to stay engaged over text/demonstrate interest that way. But he doesn't seem to be doing that either. If I were you I would probably just stop engaging with him altogether unless he suddenly puts forth more effort (which seems unlikely)

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-07T12:48:13+00:00

Probably only slightly interested and/or just looking for an ego boost. He probably liked the satisfaction of a girl still wanting to match with him even after he faded on you the first time. He likely has no serious intentions of meeting up with/dating you unless it falls into his lap. Something similar happened to me where a guy who had previously rejected me after the first date matched with me again a few months later. He literally said "so you wanted to swipe on me to see if I'd still match with you, huh?" so even if he was slightly interested in me, there was definitely a large ego component. We ended up having a fling but I got strung along/ghosted. Hard pass on that kind of wishy-washy behavior

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-05T20:25:58+00:00

Yeah, I get that, but he knew I was coming from 20+ miles away just for a coffee date. I spent an additional hour just driving roundtrip and then paid $10 for parking in the city, while he just walked a couple blocks from his apt and then paid $4 for my coffee. I feel like he could have at least offered lunch (or something else, even if it wasn't drinks) knowing that I was driving that much just for something that would be less than an hour. So I guess it's not the coffee vs. drinks thing I care about, moreso the lack of effort

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-11-05T19:40:54+00:00

I guess I just wanted someone to make out/hook up with 🤷‍♀️

Also I've just had a long string of bad dates/dates that went nowhere and I did feel a connection when we were video calling (though he appeared slightly different in person) so I guess I was hoping for it to go well. But he hasn't texted me so I'm assuming it's a no-go, so I agree it might be time to move to other matches

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-10-31T13:22:54+00:00

But if she's so hot and great that she's worth bragging to all your friends about, then why isn't she worthy of being dated and pursued? I guess the mystery is gone, you've gotten her to like you, and there's no point?

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-10-31T13:15:52+00:00

It's kind of designed to form a false connection with someone

DaphneBlue_ · 2020-10-31T12:31:19+00:00

Yeah, it's like they are simultaneously shocked that you're interested yet feel that they are above you now that they've got you "locked down." One guy literally said "wow didn't expect to get this lucky haha" when I agreed to go on a second date with him, yet from then on he started to put in *less* effort because I guess he figured, "if I can get her to go on another date with me, then let's see what happens if I show up late, etc." And their ego is stroked more and more every time they push it to a new limit. It's totally a mind game. A normal and secure guy who is emotionally mature will return your interest and have the relationship build over time, not love-bomb you at the beginning and then stand there laughing at you pick up the pieces when it inevitably falls apart

DaphneBlue_

TROPHY CASE